50 Successful Harvard Application Essays

A
LYSSA
C
HAN
I sit on a low, black bench, shifting and rustling about—settling in. Eighty-eight black-and-white keys
stretch before me, filling the whole of my gaze. I look up to see my face reflected and distorted in the
shiny, over-glossed black surface of the piano. I shift my eyes to the white pages in front of me, with
their thin, dark, horizontal lines. Notes sit on these lines complacently in a manner that seems
incongruous with their fluttering lightness when played. I raise my hands, fingers poised, and I am
startled by the profoundness of this moment, knowing that at any instant I can press my fingers down
on these keys and produce something from nothing; beauty from emptiness. It is often said that to be
able to create music is one of the greatest joys in life. I agree; there is little I have experienced that can
compare to the swell of notes forming rolling waves of melody, the current sweeping raw emotions
out into the open and transforming them, making beautiful everything along the way. But, to me, this
joy is and will always be second to something greater: the glory of that moment before a single note
is played, when I sit before the piano, fingers outstretched in anticipation.
There are so many of these moments in life, small and unassuming, but all-consuming at the same
time; little pieces of our parents telling us anything is possible, slivers of dreams in which we can do
anything. We often look past this moment before, diving right into the action; we marvel at the
splendor of a concert, overlooking the startling beauty and harmony of an orchestra tuning; we are so
transfixed by the sunrise that we forget about the incredible promise of the dull morning gray. But it
is in these instants of anticipation, the moments before, that we unexpectedly glimpse what is possible
without the interference of fear or reality. I know that the dreams of these moments do not always
come true; many hopeful beginnings end with disappointment and failure. I know also that as I grow
up, experience may persuade me to not believe in fairy-tale endings. But I hope that I retain some of
my idealism, if only in these small fragments. I strive to carry a sense of optimism forward with me,
holding onto the momentary feelings of radiant innocence that allow me to believe in endless
possibilities.
My seventeen years have been spent preparing for now; the melody of the rest of my life is about
to begin. I hope that one day I’ll look back on this time and reflect on the anticipation, the brilliance
that had yet to emerge. As I sit here writing this, I realize that this is the moment before … and I can’t
wait.
REVIEW
Alyssa’s essay is unique in both its content and in its delivery. Rather than focusing on an “unusual

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experience” (a ubiquitous topic in college essays), she instead examines a relatively ordinary one—at
least for personal statements—from a creative and unexpected angle. Her exquisitely detailed
description and beautiful turns of phrase transcend the everyday and add depth to what could easily
have been an extremely uninteresting narrative. But it is not her eloquence alone that distinguishes this
essay—it is her decision to emphasize the “moment before” rather than the moment itself. What
initially seems like a nicely worded take on an overdone topic becomes an unexpected and refreshing
look at how moments are experienced.
Despite its overall excellence, Alyssa’s essay could benefit from a couple of revisions. Some of its
sentences, particularly toward the end of her second paragraph, border on the cliché; structuring the
essay in such a way that they were more spread out might have lessened the effect. The metaphor she
draws from the anticipation she describes to her life more broadly feels rushed; it may have been
better to shorten the initial description in order to develop her main point more fully. As it is they feel
a bit disconnected since the transition is so abrupt and the final paragraph so short, but she does
manage to include some words (particularly the allusion to music) that tie the essay together nicely.
However, Alyssa does an excellent job in creating an essay that illustrates her personality through
both its style and its substance. The primary strengths of this essay lie in its eloquence. Although
many essays become pretentious in their quest for poeticism, Alyssa combines lovely phrases with an
overarching simplicity that prevents her writing from growing too flowery or otherwise
overpowering. Her second paragraph, in which she explores in greater detail her always-italicized
“moment before,” is not preachy or pompous. Her elegant prose always maintains readability.
On the whole, Alyssa does an excellent job in creating an essay that illustrates her personality
through both its style and its substance.
—Christina M. Teodorescu

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