A thousand Boy Kisses

But then he found you, she said. He found you. You taught him, through your
words and actions, that life didn’t always have to be so serious. That life was to
be lived. That life was one great adventure, to be lived well and to the full.
His mamma had been right all along.
I realized, as I watched the darkness exude from this boy, that this was the
Rune Mrs. Kristiansen had expected—no, feared—he would become. This was
the innate moodiness she knew was harbored below the surface of her son.
A predilection to darkness, not light.
Staying quiet, I decided to turn away. To leave Rune alone with his rage.
Moonbeam hearts and sunshine smiles. I ran my mamaw’s mantra through my
head. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to repel the pain trying to flood
in. Tried to stave off this ache in my chest, the ache that told me what I didn’t
want to believe.
That I had done this to Rune.
I made to move forward, to leave, self-preservation seizing control. As I did, I
felt desperate fingers wrap around my wrist and spin me back around.
Rune’s pupils had all but consumed his crystal-blue irises. “No! Stand right
here. Stand right here and tell me.” He took in a long breath, and, losing all
control, he shouted, “Tell me why the hell you left me all alone!”
This time, his anger was unbounded. This time, his hard words contained the
force of a slap to the face. The blossom grove before me blurred; it took me a
while to realize that it was my tears clouding my vision.
A tear fell to my cheek. Rune’s dark gaze didn’t waver.
“Who are you?” I whispered. I shook my head as Rune continued to stare, a
slight tightening at the corner of his eyes the only evidence that my words had
any effect. “Who are you right now?” I glanced down at his fingers, still around
my wrist. Feeling my throat close, I said, “Where is the boy I love?” Risking one
more look at his face, I whispered, “Where is my Rune?”

---

Suddenly, Rune ripped his fingers from my arm as though my skin was
scalding to the touch. A nasty laugh spilled from his lips as he stared me down.
His hand lifted to delicately smooth down my hair—a contradictory softness in
the gesture compared to the venom with which he spoke. “You want to know
where that boy went?” I swallowed as he searched every part of my face—every
feature but my eyes. “You want to know where your Rune went?” His lip curled
in disgust. As if my Rune was someone unworthy. As if my Rune wasn’t worth
all the love that I had for him.
Leaning in, he met my eyes, his stare so severe that shivers darted down my
spine. Harshly, he whispered, “That Rune died when you left him all alone.” I
tried to turn away, but Rune jumped in my path, making it impossible to escape
his scathing cruelty. I dragged in a hurt breath, but Rune wasn’t done. I could see
in his eyes that he was far from done.
“I waited for you,” he said. “I waited and waited for you to call, to explain. I
called everyone I knew back here, trying to find you. But you’d vanished. Gone
to care for some sick aunt I know doesn’t exist. Your daddy wouldn’t talk to me
when I tried; you all blocked me out.” His lips tightened as he relived the pain. I
saw it. I saw it in his every move, his every word; he had been transported back
to that painful place.
“I told myself to be patient, that you would explain everything in time. But as
the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I stopped waiting
with hope. Instead, I let in the pain. I let in the darkness that you created. As a
year came and went, and my letters and messages went unanswered, I let the
pain take hold of me until there was nothing left of the old Rune. Because I
couldn’t look in the mirror one more day, couldn’t walk in the shoes of that
Rune for one more damn day. Because that was the Rune that had you. That
Rune was the Rune that had Poppymin. That Rune was the one with a full heart.
Your half and mine. But your half abandoned me. It left, and allowed what I
have now to take root. Darkness. Pain. A shitload of anger.”
Rune leaned in until his breath washed over my face. “You made me like this,

---

Poppy. The Rune you knew died when you turned into a bitch and broke every
promise you ever made.”
I staggered backward, unbalanced by his words. His words that were like
bullets to my heart. Rune watched me without showing guilt. I saw no sympathy
in his glare. Just the cold, hard truth.
He meant every word.
Then, taking a lead from him, I let anger take hold. I handed the reins to all the
anger I felt. I rushed forward and pushed at Rune’s hard chest. Not expecting
him to move, I was surprised when he fell back a single step, before quickly
regaining his ground.
But I didn’t stop.
I flew at him again, hot tears streaming down my face. I pushed and I pushed at
his chest. Firmly grounded, Rune didn’t budge. So I struck out. A sob escaped
from my mouth as I hit at his torso, the muscles bunching beneath his t-shirt as I
released everything that had built up inside me.
“I hate you!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I hate you for this! I hate this
person you are now! I hate him, I hate you!” I choked on my screams and I
stumbled backward, exhausted.
Seeing his glare still firmly aimed at me, I used the very last drop of my energy
to shout, “I was saving you!” I breathed deeply for a few moments, then added,
quietly, “I was saving you, Rune! I was saving you from the pain. I was saving
you from feeling helpless, like everyone else I loved.”
Rune’s dark-blond eyebrows became a hard line over his eyes. Confusion
distorted his beautiful face.
I stepped back one more time. “Because I couldn’t see you, couldn’t bear the
thought of you seeing what was going to happen to me. I couldn’t bear to do it to
you when you were so far away.” Sobs left my throat. So many sobs that my
chest began to wheeze through exertion.
I coughed, clearing my throat and moving forward to where Rune was standing
still, like a statue. Laying my hand over my heart, I said in a croaked voice, “I

---

had to fight. I had to give it my all. I had to try. And I wanted you along with me
more than you could ever imagine.” My wet lashes began to dry in the cool
breeze. “You would have dropped everything to try to get to me. You already
hated your parents, hated your life in Oslo; I could hear it every time we spoke.
You had grown so bitter. How could you have ever possibly coped with this?”
My head throbbed, a pounding headache taking hold.
I needed to leave. I needed to leave it all. I backed away. Rune remained
deathly still. I wasn’t even sure he had blinked.
“I need to go, Rune.” I gripped onto my chest, knowing that the last piece of
me would break with what I said next. “Let’s just leave this here, in the blossom
grove we loved so much. Let us end whatever we had … whatever we were.”
My voice had almost faded to nothing, but with a final push, I whispered, “I’ll
stay away from you. You stay away from me. We’ll finally put us to rest.
Because it has to be this way.” I ducked my eyes, not wanting to see the hurt in
Rune’s eyes. “I can’t bear all the pain.” I laughed weakly.
“I need moonbeam hearts and sunshine smiles.” I smiled to myself. “It’s what’s
keeping me going. I won’t stop believing in a beautiful world. I won’t let it
break me.” I forced myself to look at Rune. “And I won’t be the cause of any
more hurt for you.”
As I turned my head, I saw a fissure of agony fracture Rune’s expression. But I
didn’t stall. I ran. I ran fast, just managing to pass my favorite tree when Rune
grabbed my arm and swung me around again.
“What?” he demanded. “What the hell are you talking about?” He was
breathing harshly. “You just explained nothing! You spout about saving me and
sparing me. But from what? What did you think I couldn’t handle?”
“Rune, please,” I begged and pushed him away. He was on me in a flash, hands
on my shoulders, anchoring me in place.
“Answer me!” he shouted.
I pushed from him again. “Let me go!” My heart raced with trepidation. My
skin prickled with goosebumps. I turned to go again, but his hands held me still.

---

I struggled and struggled, trying to get away, for once trying to flee the tree
whose shelter always brought me solace.
“Let me go!” I shouted again.
Rune leaned in. “No, tell me. Explain yourself!” he shouted back.
“Rune—”
“Explain!” he shouted, cutting me off.
I shook my head faster, trying, to no avail, to escape. “Please! Please!” I
begged.
“Poppy!”
“NO!”
“EXPLAIN!”
“I’M DYING!” I screamed into the silent grove, unable to take it anymore.
“I’m dying,” I added breathlessly. “I’m … dying…”
As I clutched my chest, trying to catch my breath, the enormity of what I’d
done slowly filtered into my brain. My heart pounded. It pounded from the
onslaught of panic. It pounded and raced with the terrifying knowledge of what
I’d just admitted … of what I’d just confessed.
I continued to stare at the ground. Somewhere in my brain, it registered that
Rune’s hands had frozen on my shoulders. As I felt the heat from his palms, I
also realized that they were shaking. I heard his breath, dragging and labored.
I forced myself to raise my gaze and lock on to Rune’s. His eyes were wide and
racked with pain.
At that moment, I hated myself. Because that look in his eyes, that haunted,
gutting stare, was the reason I had broken my promise to him two years ago.
It was why I’d had to set him free.
As it turned out, I had only imprisoned him with bars of rage instead.
“Poppy…,” he whispered, accent heavy, as his face paled to the whitest of
white.
“I have Hodgkin lymphoma. It’s advanced. And it’s terminal.” My voice
trembled as I added, “I have a matter of months left to live, Rune. There’s

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nothing anyone can do.”
I waited. I waited to see what Rune had to say, but he said nothing. Instead, he
backed away. His eyes traveled over my face, searching for any sign of
deception. When none was found, he shook his head. A soundless “no” left his
mouth. Then he ran. He turned his back on me, and he ran.
It was many minutes before I found the strength to move.
It was ten minutes after that when I walked through the door of my house,
where my mama and daddy were sitting with the Kristiansens.
But it was only seconds after seeing me when my mama rushed to where I
stood, and I fell into her arms.
Where I broke my heart for the heart I’d just broken.
The one I’d always strived to save.

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