Adult children: the secrets of dysfunctional families

---

title:
Adult Children : The Secrets of
Dysfunctional Families
author:
Friel, John C.; Friel, Linda D.
publisher:
Health Communications, Inc.
isbn10 | asin:
0932194532
print isbn13:
9780932194534
ebook isbn13:
9780585104553
language:
English
subject 
Adult children of alcoholics, Adult
children of narcotic addicts, Adult
children of dysfunctional families.
publication date:
1988
lcc:
HV5132.F75 1988eb
ddc:
362.2/92
subject:
Adult children of alcoholics, Adult
children of narcotic addicts, Adult
children of dysfunctional families.

---

Page i
Adult Children
The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families
John C. Friel 
Linda D. Friel
Health Communications, Inc. 
Deerfield Beach, Florida

---

Page ii
John C. Friel, Ph.D. 
Linda D. Friel, M.A. 
Friel & Counseling Associates 
Arden Hills, Minnesota
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Friel, John C., 1947 
Adult children.
1. Adult children of alcoholics. 2. Adult children 
of narcotic addicts. 3. Problem families. I. Title. 
II. Title: Dysfunctional families. 
HV5132.F75 1988
362.2'92
87-25037 
ISBN 0-932194-53-2
© 1988 John and Linda Friel 
ISBN 0-932194-53-2
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No
part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the
written permission of the publisher.
Published by Health Communications, Inc. 
Enterprise Center 
3201 SW 15th Street 
Deerfield Beach, FL 33442

---

Page iii
Dedication 
This book is dedicated to our family system. To our parents, Elden 
and Alice Friel and Lloyd and Phyllis Olund; to our brothers and 
sisters, Bill and Nancy Mcintyre, Rich Friel, Steve and Margo 
Bateson; and to our nieces and nephews, Brian and Carrie McIntyre, 
John Michael, Mark and Mary Friel. And especially to our children, 
Kristin, Rebecca and David that their lives may be full and warm and true.
Acknowledgments
We would like to thank all the friends, mentors and colleagues who have
shared in and contributed to our professional development and personal
recovery: Terry Kellogg, Robert Subby, Lawrence Murphy, Robert
Milligan, Lawrence and Sandra Weiss, John Nesselroade, John Cone,
Charlie Olsen, Walt Ayotte, Bill Byxbee, Richard and Maureen Oevirtz,
Diane Naas, Suzanne James, James Maddock, John Nolan, Richard V.
Anderson, Arlene Katchmark, Mary Pietrini, Mary Bell, Lynn Brennan,
Lynda Winter, Stan Huff, Evelyn Leite, Linda Murdock, Ken Adams,
Bruce Smoller, Virginia Leone and Chuck Ellwanger.
Special Thanks
Special thanks to Arlene Katchmark for her tireless contribution to the
preparation of this manuscript.

---

Page v
About The Authors
John C. Friel, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice in St.
Paul, Minnesota; Director of the St. Paul/Minneapolis Lifeworks
Clinic, an intensive, short-term treatment program for Adult Child,
Codependency, Addiction and compulsivity issues; and adjunct
Associate Professor of Psychology at St. Mary's College Graduate
Center in Minneapolis. Dr. Friel earned his B.A. in psychology
from the University of San Francisco in 1969, and his Ph.D. in
psychology from West Virginia University in 1976. He is a
nationally recognized author, trainer, speaker and consultant in the
areas of dysfunctional family systems, co-dependency, adult child
issues, stress and addictions; and has worked in these areas with the
University of Minnesota Medical School, the Gillette Company,
Graco Corporation, NCR/Comten, the Minnesota State Bar
Association and numerous other corporations, state agencies,
treatment centers, hospitals and small businesses. A native of
Marin County, California, Dr. Friel has lived in Minnesota since
1973.
Linda D. Friel, M.A., C.C.D.P., specializes in therapy for Adult
Children, Co-dependency issues and for Survivors of Physical,
Sexual and Emotional Abuse. She designed and implemented one
of the first hospital-based co-dependency treatment programs in the
United States, and is also a nationally-recognized author, trainer
and consultant in the areas of dysfunctional families, co-
dependency, adult child issues and addictions. A native of
Minneapolis, Linda earned her B.A. from Mankato State
University in 1971, taught special education classes for eight years

---

and earned an M.A. in Counseling and Psychological Services
from St. Mary's College in Minnesota in 1980.

---

Page vii
Preface
The examples and case studies used throughout this book are
composites of individuals and families with whom we have worked
over the years. The details and specifics of the cases, such as
geographical location, job descriptions and names, have been
changed for purposes of anonymity. In all other respects these are
very typical cases of Adult Children.
Throughout this book we have tried to use case examples that
typify different symptoms and addictions so that the reader can get
a feel for the variety of dysfunctional lifestyles that develop in
Adult Children. By no means have we been able to exemplify in
the case studies all of the possible dysfunctional lifestyles and
symptoms that can occur. In truth, there are as many case examples
as there are people.
As we try to stress throughout this book, recovery is not something
that can be done alone; and in many cases, it cannot be done
without professional help. A book such as this is written to provide
what we feel can be helpful information as part of a much more
comprehensive program of recovery.
We must note that self-help books can become an addiction in and
of themselves, and that at some point we must get on with the
painful business of actually living our lives differently, rather than
just thinking or learning about how that might be.
Finally, we cannot stress enough that this book is for you. It is not
for your husband, wife, lover, children, boss or employees. One of

---

---

Page viii
our definitions of co-dependency is "The-Chase-Your-Spouse-
Around-The-House-With-A-Self-Help-Book"Syndrome. Recovery
from Adult Child issues is a personal experience. The most
powerful way to help others into their own recovery is to simply
live your own life of recovery. Your own recovery will be well
under way when you truly trust that your own example is the most
powerful way to help others.
JOHN C. FRIEL, PH.D. 
LINDA D. FRIEL, M.A., C.C.D.P.

---

Page ix
Contents