After (The After Series)

Why would he take it this far? To have me live with him?
“You knew?” I turn to Steph. I can’t look at Hardin any longer.
“I . . . I was going to tell you so many times, Tess,” she says, her eyes
brimming with guilty tears.
“I didn’t believe it when he claimed he won, even with the condom,” Jace
snickers, enjoying the show.
“Right? Me, either! The sheets, though. I mean, how can you deny blood on
the sheets!” Molly laughs.
The sheets. That’s why they were still in his car . . .
I know I should be saying something, anything, but I can’t find my voice.
Everything is still moving around me; people in the bar are eating and drinking,
not noticing the naïve girl ten feet away from them having her heart shattered.
How is it possible that time still moves as I stand here watching Tristan bow his
head, watching Steph cry, and, most of all, watching Hardin watch me.
“Tessa, I am so sorry.” He takes a step toward me, but I can’t even move my
feet to run away like I need to.
Molly’s harpy voice breaks through the air. “You know, there is a sort of

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drama here that everyone has to appreciate. I mean, remember last time we were
all here and Steph gave Tessa that ridiculous makeover, and Hardin and Zed
were trying to battle over who took her back to her room?” She laughs, then
continues: “Then Hardin showed up to your room, right? With that vodka! You
thought he was drunk! Do you remember when I called him when he was there?”
For a moment she looks at me like she actually expects I’ll answer her. “But
really he was supposed to win the bet that night. He was pretty cocky about it,
but Zed kept saying you wouldn’t give it up that quick. I guess Zed was right,
but you still gave it up quicker than I thought you would, so I suppose it’s a good
thing I didn’t bet any money . . .”
Molly’s terrible sounds and Hardin’s eyes are the only thing in the bar.
I have never felt this way before. This level of humiliation and loss is worse
than I could ever have imagined. Hardin has been playing me this entire time;
this was all a game to him. All the hugs, the kisses, the smiles, the laughs, the “I
love you’s,” the sex, the plans—and fuck if this doesn’t burn like nothing else in
the world. He had every move planned, every night, every single detail, and
everyone knew except me. Even Steph, who I thought was becoming a friend. I
glance at him, allowing myself a moment of weakness during the shock, and I
wish I hadn’t. He’s just standing there—standing there like my entire world isn’t
crashing around me and he hasn’t completely humiliated me in front of
everyone.
“You’d be happy to know that you were worth a pretty penny, though, even
though Zed tried to bitch out a few times. But with Jace, Logan, and Zed’s
money, I hope he at least bought you dinner!” Molly says, laughing.
Jace finishes his beer and howls. “I’m only disappointed that I missed the
infamous I Love You! announcement in front of everyone. I heard that was a
killer.”
“Shut the fuck up!” Tristan surprises everyone by yelling. If I wasn’t numb, he
may have surprised me, too. “Fuck you guys. She has already had enough!”
Hardin takes another step. “Baby, please say something.”
And with his little “baby” plea, my brain finally connects with my mouth.
“Don’t you fucking dare call me that! How could you do this to me? You . . .
you . . . I can’t . . .” I have so many things in my head to say, but they just won’t
come out. “And I won’t say anything, because that’s what you want.” I sound
much more confident than I feel inside. Inside I am burning, and my heart is on
the floor, underneath Hardin’s boot.
“I know I messed up—” he begins.
“You messed up? You messed up?” I scream. “Why? Just tell me why. Why
me?”

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“Because you were there,” he says. And his honesty only breaks me further.
“And a challenge. I didn’t know you, Tessa. I didn’t know that I would fall in
love with you.”
His mention of love carries with it the opposite feeling than it has the past few
weeks, and I can taste the bile in the back of my throat. “You’re sick. You’re
fucking sick!” I scream and rush to the door.
This is too much for me. Hardin’s hand wraps around my arm and I jerk away,
turning and slapping him. Hard.
The pain in his expression gives me the most painful satisfaction.
“You ruined everything!” I scream. “You took something from me that wasn’t
yours, Hardin. That was meant for someone who loved me, loved me truthfully.
It was his, whoever he is, and you took that—for money? I ruined my
relationship with my mother for you. I gave up everything! I had someone who
loved me, someone who wouldn’t hurt me the way you did. You are disgusting.”
“I do love you, Tessa. I love you more than anything. I was going to tell you. I
tried to get them not to tell you. I never wanted you to find out. That’s why I was
out all night, getting them to agree not to say anything. I was going to tell you
soon, now that we live together, because then it wouldn’t matter.”
I have no control over the words tumbling from my lips. “Are you . . . you . . .
oh my God, Hardin! What the hell is wrong with you? You think going around
convincing people to not tell me is okay? The fact that I wouldn’t know would
make it all okay? You thought that if we lived together, I would let this go?
That’s why you were so determined for my name to be on the lease! Oh my God.
You are sick!”
Every small detail that made me think twice since I met Hardin all points to
this. It was so obvious. “That’s why you went and got my stuff for me from my
room, because you were afraid Steph would tell me!”
Everyone in the bar is staring and I feel so small, so broken and small.
“What did you do with the money, Hardin?”
“I—” he begins, then stops.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“Your car . . . the paint . . . and the deposit for the apartment. I thought if I . . .
I was going to tell you so many times, once I knew it wasn’t just a bet anymore.
I love you—I loved you the entire time, I swear it,” he says.
“You kept the condom to show them, Hardin! You showed them the sheets,
the bloody fucking sheets!” I wrap my hands in my hair and tug at it. “Oh my
God! I’m such an idiot. While I was reliving every detail of the best night of my
life, you were showing your friends the sheets.”
“I know . . . I don’t have any excuse . . . but you have to forgive me. We can

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figure this out,” he says.
And I laugh. A real laugh. Despite my tears, I find myself laughing; I’m losing
my mind. This scene isn’t playing out like in the movies. I’m not holding myself
together. I’m not handling the news elegantly with a simple gasp or a single tear
trailing down my cheek. I am crying, pulling at my own hair, and am barely able
to control my emotions and form a full sentence.
“Forgive you?” I laugh madly. “You have ruined my entire life—you know
that, don’t you? Oh, of course you do. That was your plan the entire time,
remember? You promised you would ‘ruin me.’ So congratulations, Hardin, you
have. What should I give you, money? Or should I find another virgin for you?”
He shifts a little, as if to block out my view of the others at the table. “Tessa,
please. You know I love you, I know you do. Let’s go home, please, and I will
tell you everything.”
“Home? That isn’t my home. It never has been; we both know that.” I try for
the door again. I am so close.
“What can I do? I’ll do anything,” he begs. With his eyes still focused on
mine, he bends down. I’m confused for a second before I realize he is getting on
his knees in front of me.
“You? Nothing. There is nothing you can do for me anymore, Hardin.”
If I knew what to say to hurt him as badly as he has hurt me, I would. And I
would repeat it a thousand times, just so he would know how it feels to be so
completely blindsided and ripped apart.
I take off for the door, taking advantage of Hardin’s position on his knees. As
soon as I reach the door, I crash into someone. I look up to find Zed, his battered
face still recovering from the injuries that Hardin caused.
“What’s wrong?” he asks and grabs my elbows. Then his gaze travels behind
me to Hardin and realization fills his eyes.
“I’m sorry . . .” he says, but I ignore him. Hardin is coming, and I have to get
the hell away from this bar, from him.
The freezing air whips my hair in front of my face as soon as I get outside. I
welcome the feeling, hoping it will cool the burning inside me. Snow has
blanketed my car and the streets.
Zed’s voice calls from behind me, “You can’t drive, Tessa.” I keep trudging
through the snow, across the parking lot.
“Leave me alone! I know you were in on it! You all were!” I scream and dig
for my keys.
“Let me take you home—you are in no condition to drive in this storm,” he
says. As I open my mouth to scream at him, Hardin walks outside.
I look at the person I once thought was the love of my life, who I thought

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would make every day after we met special, and wild, and free. And then I look
at Zed.
“Okay,” I say.
The click of Zed’s car being unlocked is my cue to get in as fast as I can. The
second Hardin realizes that I’m leaving with Zed, he runs toward the car. His
face twists in anger, and I hope for Zed’s sake he gets into the car before Hardin
reaches us.
Zed jumps in and takes off. I look over and watch Hardin fall to his knees for
the second time tonight.
“I am so sorry, Tessa. I had no idea it would get that out of hand—” he starts,
but I cut him off.
“Don’t talk to me.”
I can’t stand to hear any more. I can’t take it. I’m sick to my stomach, and the
pain of Hardin’s betrayal is cutting at me, making me weaker and weaker by the
moment. I’m convinced that if Zed speaks, there will be nothing left of me. I
need to know why Hardin did what he did, but I’m honestly terrified what will
happen if I hear it, all of it. I haven’t felt pain like this before and I’m not sure
how to handle it, or if I can at all. Zed nods, and we drive in silence for a few
minutes. I think of Hardin, of Molly, of Jace and the rest, and something in me
shifts. Something makes me braver. “You know what?” I turn to him. “Do talk to
me. Tell me everything. Every single detail.”
With worried eyes he searches my face for a moment, and then, realizing he
has no choice, says a quiet “Okay” as we turn onto the freeway.

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acknowledgments
T
he After series wouldn’t have been possible without so many people. I could
write another book thanking you all (you know that I could, and probably
actually would), but I have only a little space here, so I’ll make it as short and
sweet as possible.
Author’s note: First, I want to thank my Hessa shippers/Afternators/Toddlers
(least favorite, ha)/original readers (we clearly couldn’t decide on just one name,
ha). You guys have been here from the start and are literally the best group of
people; you are so supportive, and you make my life. Every word was written
because of you and your passion for my storytelling. You are amazing and
“ilysm.”
Wattpad is next, of course. Without you all believing in me and helping me
bring After to life, my dreams wouldn’t be coming true. Always remember
where this started and that you all had a part in creating something so big. Never
give up on yourselves, and please remember (I know I tell you too much) that
tomorrow is always better than you think it will be. You are important and loved,
even when it doesn’t feel that way.
Amy Martin, for fighting for my vision and pushing After until they got it.
Candice and Ashleigh, you both have done so much for me, and I could never
repay you for any of it.
I want to thank Gallery Books for believing in After and in me, and for giving
me Adam Wilson as the best and most lively editor. Adam, you are just straight-
up amazing and funny, and your comments always make me laugh. You get me,

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my sense of humor (cheesy jokes and all), and you get Hardin and Tessa in a
way that not many people do. You have been so helpful and made this such a
smooth and quick transition and journey.
My parents and my mother-in-law, you loved me and supported me each step
of the way.
Kaci, for your lists and encouragement. (Insert our emoji.)
To Jordan, my husband, whom I’ve loved since I was a kid. You have given
me the time to make my dreams come true, and you put up with my endless
hours of writing and tweeting. And you only complained a little when I showed
you thousands of Hessa edits.
I’m running out of room here, so I have to go. But I love you all so much, and
I am so grateful to have all of you in my life.

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AUTHOR PHOTO BY J.D. WITKOWSKI