Barnes. Pdf

8. UPSTREAM 
[p. 191] 
Postcard
c/o The Jungle 
Darling - 
Just time for a card - we leave in half an hour - had our last night on the Johnny Walker now it's local firewater or nothing - 
remember what I said on the phone and don't have it cut too short. Love you - your Circus Strongman. 

---

J
ULIAN 
B
ARNES
: A History of the World in 10 ½
 
Chapters 
61
Letter 1 
My own darling - 
Just spent 24 hours on a bus with the dashboard covered in St Christophers or whatever the local version hereabouts is. 
Wouldn't have minded if the driver had gone in for some stronger magic - the old Christianity didn't seem to be having much 
effect on his driving. When not thinking about puking your guts up round every hairpin bend, scenery magnificent. Great big 
trees, mountains - that sort of thing - I've got some postcards. Crew all a bit overexcited at the moment - if I hear another joke 
about 'I was going Caracas back there' I think I'll strangle someone. Still, that's normal on a job like this. Not that I've ever 
done a job like this before, should be great fun. It'd better be after all those needles they stuck in me so I won't get beri-beri and 
co. 
It's a relief to get away from people recognizing you as well. 
[p. 192]
You know, even with the beard and glasses they still copped the face in Caracas. At the airport, of course, but that's normal 
anyway. No, it was funny. Guess what they'd seen me in? Not your upmarket angst number with the Pinter script that got the 
Palme d'Or, none of that. No, that filthy little American soap I did for Hal Screwyouupalotodos. It's STILL playing here. Kids 
come up in the street and say, `Hey Mista Rick, how ya doin'?' What about that? The poverty here is something else. Still, after 
India nothing will surprise me. Now what have you done about your hair? I hope you haven't gone and done anything silly to it 
just to get your own back for me going away. I know what you girls are like, you say you'll just have it short to see what it 
looks like, and then you say Pedro at the salon won't let you grow it just for the moment, and then you say you've got to look 
your best for some wedding or other and you can't go with it straggly and then you end up not growing it again and if I don't 
mention it every week you think I've learned to like it and if I do mention it every week you think I'm nagging so I don't 
mention it and I'm stuck with it. And it's not fair to say it's because of the beard because the beard's not my fault, they just 
didn't shave in the jungle in whatever century it's going to be when we get there and I know I grew it early but that's the way I 
am, I like to start thinking myself into the part as soon as possible. You know what Dirk says, how he starts with the shoes, 
once he gets the shoes right he knows what the rest of the character's like, well with me it's the face. Sorry if it's the first thing 
you see in the morning, still it's not everyone who can say they've been sleeping with a Jesuit. A very old Jesuit too. Weather 
very hot, laundry problems I expect. Still taking those tummy tablets. Had a word with Vic about the script and he says not to 
worry but they always say that at this stage, don't they? I told him what I said to you on the phone about shouldn't he be given 
a bit more obvious humanity because priests aren't great box-office nowadays and Vic said we'd talk about it nearer the time. 
Getting on well with Matt - obviously there's going to be some competition once we start work but he's not half as paranoid as 
I thought he'd be, a bit back-slapping, still I guess 
[p. 193]
that's Yanks for you. I told him my Vanessa story and he told me his and we'd both heard them before! Got stinko paralytico 
together on our last night in town and ended up doing the Zorba dance in a restaurant! Matt tried plate-smashing but they said 
it wasn't the local custom and threw us out! Charged us for the plates, too. 
You know what they call post offices out here? Our Lady of Communications. You probably have to get down on your 
knees for next-day delivery. Not that we've seen one of them for miles. God knows if I'll be able to post this before the Jungle 
starts. Maybe we'll come across a friendly native with a forked stick going in the right direction and I'll give him the big-screen 
smile and hand it over. (Joke). Don't worry about me. Love you. 
- Charlie