Barnes. Pdf

 
Chapters 
88
`But they do look well-preserved?' 
'Jimmy, we're talking miracles and signs here. You'd expect them to look well-preserved, wouldn't you? Noah was a real 
special guy. Anyway, how old was he when he died? Nine hundred fifty years. He was greatly blessed in the Lord's eye. Now 
if he had bones which were strong enough to carry him around for a thousand years, you'd hardly expect them to decay at the 
standard rate, would you?' 
`I take your point, Spike.' 
'Anything else worrying you?' He seemed to welcome Jimmy's doubts, confident he could field any ball thrown to him. 
`Well, what exactly are we going to do?' 
`We're going to tell the world, that's what we're going to do. And the world will rejoice. And many souls will come to the 
faith as a result of this discovery. And there will be a church built once more upon this mountainside, a church built over 
Noah's tomb.' In the shape of an Ark, perhaps. Or even in the shape of an Apollo spacecraft. That would be more appropriate, 
that would complete the circle. 
`I'm with you about the repercussions, Spike. Let me put something to you, though. You and I are men of faith.' 
[p. 278]
`Men of science, too,' said the astronaut to the geologist.
`Check. And as men of faith we naturally wish to preserve our faith from any unnecessary slanders.'
`Sure.' 
`Well, maybe before announcing the news we should, as men of science, check out what we as men of faith have 
discovered.'
`Meaning?' 
`Meaning I think we should shut our big bazoos until we've run some lab tests on Noah's clothing.' 
There was a silence from the other half of the tent as Spike realized for the first time that not everyone on earth would 
necessarily put their hands together the way they'd done for the astronauts coming back from the moon. Finally, he said, `I 
think you're thinking good, Jimmy. I guess you've also got me wondering if we might have ourselves a problem with the 
clothes.' 
`How d'you mean?' 
Now it was Spike's turn to play the sceptic. 'Well, I'm only just supposing. You recall the story of Noah's nakedness? How 
his sons covered him up? Well, we can be sure Noah's bones are something special, but does that mean his clothes are 
something special too?' There was a pause, then he went on. `I don't think we should give any free lunches to the doubting 
Thomases. What if Noah was laid out here in his burial robes, and after a few centuries they'd all been blown to dust and ashes. 
Then along comes some pilgrim - maybe some pilgrim who doesn't make it back safely through the infidel tribes - and finds 
the body. Like coming across Noah's nakedness all over again. So the pilgrim gives Noah his clothes - which would explain 
how he never got back through the lines to spread the news. But it means we get a serious mis-read on the carbon-dating tests.' 
'You're right,' said Jimmy. A long silence ensued, as if each were half-daring the other to make the next logical step. 
Finally, Jimmy made it. `I wonder what the legal position is.' 
`Nnn,' replied Spike, not discouragingly. 
`Who do you think Noah's bones belong to? Apart', Jimmy added hastily, 'from the Almighty Lord.' 
[p. 279]
`It could take years to go through all the courts. You know what lawyers are like.' 
`Sure,' said Jimmy, who had never been in a court-room yet. 'I don't think the Lord would expect us to go through the legal 
process. Like appealing to Caesar or something.' 
Spike nodded, and lowered his voice, even though they were alone on the Lord's mountain. `Those guys wouldn't need 
much, would they?' 
`No. No. Not much, I guess.' Jimmy relinquished his brief dream of a Navy helicopter airlifting out the whole caboodle.
Without discussing it further, the ex-astronaut and the scuba-diving geologist returned to the cave with two trembling 
flashlights and set about deciding which parts of Noah's skeleton to smuggle out of Eastern Turkey. Piety, convenience and 
greed were all silently present. Finally they removed a small bone belonging to the left hand plus a cervical vertebra which had 
fallen out of position and rolled across the right scapula. Jimmy took the section of finger and Spike the neck-bone. They 
agreed it would be crazy not to fly home separately. 
Spike routed in through Atlanta, but the media were on to him. No, he couldn't say anything at this moment in time. Yes, 
Project Ararat had got off to a fine start. No, no problems. No, Dr Fulgood was on a separate flight, he'd had to finalize a few 
things in Istanbul before departure. What sort of things? Yes, there would be a press conference in due course, and yes, Spike 
Tiggler hoped to have some specific, perhaps some joyous news for them on that occasion. How do you feel (all dressed in 
primrose), Mrs Tiggler? Oh, I'm one hundred ten percent behind my husband, thrilled to have him back. 
The Reverend Gibson, after hesitation and much prayer, agreed that the two portions of Noah's skeleton be subjected to 
scientific analysis. They sent the vertebra and the finger-end to Washington, using a trusted intermediary who claimed to have 
dug them up in Greece. Betty waited to see if Spike had managed to haul himself back on to the box car of the gravy train. 
Washington reported that the bones sent for examination 
[p. 280]
were approximately one hundred and fifty years old, plus or minus twenty years. They volunteered the information that the 
vertebra was almost certainly that of a woman. 

---

J
ULIAN 
B
ARNES
: A History of the World in 10 ½
 
Chapters 
89
A sea-mist shifts listlessly across the black water as the seven o'clock ferry makes its way from Cape Hatteras to Ocracoke 
Island. The searchlight charges at the water ahead. Every night the vessel has to find its way again, as if for the first time. 
Marker lights, white and green and red, guide the boat on its nervous course. You come out on deck, shrugging against the 
cold, and look upward; but this time the mist has shut off the stars, and it's impossible to tell whether or not there is meant to be 
a moon. You shrug again, and return to the smoky cabin. 
One hundred miles to the west, in the Moondust Diner, Spike Tiggler, holding aloft a plastic bottle of water from a stream 
that flows uphill, is announcing the launch of the second Project Ararat. 
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