Copyright 2018 by Colleen Hoover

Of course you want to taste me, I thought. I kept things in tact for you down
there. You’re welcome.
He stayed between my legs until I came for him. Twice. When he began to
crawl back up my body, he paused at my stomach and kissed me there. Then he
was inside of me again, his mouth on mine. “I love you,” he whispered between
kisses. “Thank you.”
He was thanking me for being pregnant.
He made love to me with so much care, with so much compassion. It was
almost worth faking the pregnancy just to have him love me like that again. To
get our connection back.
If there was one good thing the girls brought to our life, it was that Jeremy
seemed to love me the most when I was pregnant. Now that he thought I was
about to give him a third child, I could already feel his love multiplying again.
There was a small part of me that was concerned about faking the pregnancy,
but I knew I had options if I didn’t get pregnant that week. Miscarriages were
just as easy to fake as pregnancies.

---

It’s been another week of reading Verity’s manuscript, and I’m bored. I’m
finding it repetitive. Chapter after chapter of detailed sex with Jeremy. Very little
to do with her children. She wrote two paragraphs about Crew’s birth, but then
went on to talk about the first time they were able to fuck after Crew was born.
It got to a point where I started feeling jealous. I don’t like reading about
Jeremy’s sex life. I skimmed a chapter this morning, but finally tossed it aside to
get back to work. I finished the outline for the first book today and submitted it
to Corey for feedback. He said he’d forward it to the editor at Pantem, because
he still hasn’t read any of Verity’s books and wouldn’t know if the outline is
sufficient. Until I hear back from them, I don’t really want to start on the second
outline. If they come back wanting changes, it will have been work wasted.
I’ve been here almost two weeks now. Corey says they processed my
advance and it should hit my account any day now. Once I get the feedback from
Pantem, it’ll likely be time for me to move on. I’ve done all I can do in Verity’s
office. If it weren’t for not having anywhere to go until that money hits my
account, I’d have already left.
I hit a wall today. I’m burnt out from working so much these past two weeks.
And I could read more of Verity’s autobiography, but I’m really not in the mood
to read about all the ways Verity can suck her husband’s dick.
I miss television. I haven’t stepped foot in their living room since I arrived
here almost two weeks ago. I leave the confines of Verity’s office and make
myself a bag of popcorn, then sit on the living room sofa and turn on the
television. I deserve to be a little lazy because tomorrow is my birthday, but I’m
not planning on telling Jeremy that.
I keep glancing at the top of the stairs because I have the perfect view of it
from the couch, but Jeremy is nowhere. I haven’t seen much of him over the last
couple of days. I think we both know how close we came to kissing the other
night, and how inappropriate that would have been, so we’ve been avoiding each
other.
I turn the channel to HGTV and settle into the couch. I’ve watched about

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fifteen minutes of a house remodel when I finally hear Jeremy coming down the
stairs. He pauses mid-step when he sees me in the living room. Then he descends
the rest of the stairs and makes his way over, joining me on the couch. He sits in
the middle, close enough to reach over and grab a few pieces of my popcorn, but
far enough away that we aren’t in danger of touching.
“Research?” he says, propping his feet up on the coffee table in front of him.
I laugh. “Of course. Always working.”
He grabs more popcorn this time, cupping some in his hand. “Verity would
binge-watch TV when she had writer’s block. She said it sometimes sparked
new ideas.”
I don’t want to talk about Verity, so I change the subject. “I finished an
outline today. If it gets approved tomorrow, I’ll probably leave in a couple of
days.”
Jeremy stops chewing and looks at me. “Yeah?”
I like that he doesn’t seem happy about the thought of me leaving. “Yes. And
thanks for letting me stay longer than I should have.”
He holds my stare. “Longer than you should have?” He starts chewing again
and faces the television. “I don’t think it’s been long enough.”
I don’t know what he means by that. If he thinks I didn’t do enough work
while I was here, or if he’s saying it selfishly, like he didn’t get to spend enough
time with me.
Sometimes, especially right now, I feel how much he’s drawn to me, but then
other times it seems like he works so hard to deny whatever attraction there
might be between us. And I get that. I do. But is this how he’s going to spend the
rest of his life? Giving up huge parts of himself to care for a woman who is just a
shell of the person he married?
I understand he made vows, but at what cost? His entire life? People get
married assuming they’ll live long, happy lives together. What happens when
one of those is cut short, but the other is expected to live out those vows for the
rest of their life?
It doesn’t seem fair. I know if I were married and my husband were in
Jeremy’s predicament, I wouldn’t want my husband to feel like he could never
move on. But I’m not sure I’ll ever be as obsessed with a man as Verity was with
Jeremy.
The show ends and another one begins. Neither of us speaks for several
minutes. It’s not that I have nothing to say—I have a lot to say. I just don’t know
that it’s my place.
“I don’t know very much about you,” Jeremy says. His head is against the
back of the couch and he’s looking at me, casually. “Have you ever been

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married?”
“Nope,” I say. “Came close a couple of times, but it never worked out.”
“How old are you?”
Of course, he would ask me that when my age will expire in just over an
hour. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
Jeremy laughs. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I’ll be thirty-two. Tomorrow.”
“Liar.”
“I’m not lying. I’ll show you my driver’s license.”
“Good, because I don’t believe you.”
I roll my eyes and then go to the master bedroom to grab my purse. I bring
back my driver’s license and hand it to him.
He stares at it, shaking his head. “What a shitty birthday,” he says. “Hanging
out with people you barely know. Working all day.”
I shrug. “If I wasn’t here, I’d just be alone in my apartment.”
He stares at my driver’s license a moment longer. When he runs his thumb
over my picture, I get actual chills. He didn’t even touch me—he touched my
fucking driver’s license—and it turned me on.
I am pathetic.
He hands it back to me and stands up.
“Where are you going?”
“To make you a cake,” he says, walking out of the living room.
I smile and then follow him to the kitchen. Jeremy Crawford baking a cake is
something I don’t want to miss.
•••
I’m sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen, watching him put icing on
the cake. In all the days I’ve been here, this is only the second time I’ve actually
had fun. We haven’t talked about Verity or our tragedies or the contract for the
past hour. While the cake was baking, I sat on the bar, my legs dangling off the
edge of it. Jeremy leaned against the counter in front of me and we talked about
movies, music, our likes and dislikes.
We’ve actually started getting to know each other outside of everything that
ties us together. He was relaxed the night we went out to dinner with Crew, but I
haven’t seen him this at ease inside these walls since I arrived.
I can almost—almost—understand Verity’s addiction to him.
“Go back to the living room,” he says as he pulls the candles from a drawer.
“Why?”

---

“Because. I have to walk in with your cake and sing you ‘Happy Birthday.’
Give you the full effect.”
I roll my head and jump off the bar, then go back to the couch. I mute the
television because I want to hear him singing me happy birthday without
interruptions. I keep hitting the information button on the remote, checking the
time. He’s waiting for it to turn midnight to make it official.
Right when it hits midnight, I can see the flicker of candles as he makes his
way around the corner. I laugh when he starts to sing quietly so he doesn’t wake
up Crew.
“Happy birthday to you,” he whispers. He’s cut a single slice of cake and
stuck a candle in the top of it. “Happy birthday to you.”
I’m still laughing when he reaches the couch, slowly kneeling down on it so
he doesn’t spill the cake or risk the candle being blown out when he sits next to
me.
“Happy birthday, dear Lowen. Happy birthday to you.”
We’re facing each other on the couch so I can make a wish and blow out the
candle, but I’m not sure what to wish for. I’ve been lucky enough to land a really
great job. I’m about to get more money than I’ve ever had in my bank account at
one time. The only thing in my life that I feel like I want right now that I don’t
have is him. I look him in the eye, then blow out the candle.
“What’d you wish for?”
“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”
The way he smiles at me seems heavily flirtatious. “Maybe you can tell me
after it comes true.”
He doesn’t hand me the cake. He makes a show of it, slicing into it with a
fork. “Do you know what the secret ingredient is to making such a moist cake?”
He holds out the fork and I take it from him. “What is it?”
“Pudding.”
I take a bite of the cake and smile. “It’s really good,” I say with a mouthful.
“Pudding,” he says again.
I laugh.
He holds the plate, and I take another bite, then offer him the fork. He shakes
his head. “I had a bite in the kitchen.”
I don’t know why, but I wish I had seen that. I also wish I knew if he tasted
like chocolate.
Jeremy lifts a hand. “You have icing on your…” He points at my mouth. I
brush at it, but he shakes his head. “Right here.” He slides his thumb across my
bottom lip.
I swallow the bite of cake.

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His thumb doesn’t leave my lip. It lingers there.