Expecting to Die

All in your head, Bianca. You’re just letting your subconscious take over.
“Not on purpose,” she said, as if the voice in her head could hear her. Geez,

---

what was wrong with her?
Nothing. You’re fine. You just had a horrifying experience. That’s all. You used
to think there were monsters under the bed or in your closet. This is no different.
But the horrifying images of the nightmare persisted, and as she reached to the
floor for the comforter, she couldn’t convince herself that this house, her home,
was as safe as she’d always thought. Wrapping the coverlet around her, she
walked to the window and peered into the night, black as pitch, only a few stars
winking between the film of clouds.
She didn’t turn on a light, didn’t want anything outside to see her silhouette,
because deep in her heart, she knew that something or someone was watching.
Why, she didn’t understand, but intuitively she knew that whatever was skulking
in the darkness was, without a doubt, the embodiment of evil.
* * *
For Pescoli, the next few days flew by. Most of the kids from the party were
questioned again, but offered up nothing new. All that came of it was that
Pescoli decided she didn’t much like Madison Averill, who, at seventeen,
seemed already able to use all her feminine charms to her advantage and did it
willingly, even eagerly. A pretty girl who was smart enough, she wasn’t looking
beyond trying to gain TJ O’Hara’s interest, which, as Bianca had told her,
seemed to be zeroed in on Lara Haas. As popular as TJ apparently was, he might
find himself having to stand in line, as a number of college boys had returned
this summer to sniff around her.
Lara radiated innocence, but it was an act, Pescoli thought, after interviewing
her—something she purposely played up. However, she had admitted to
knowing Destiny a little, more than the rest of the kids had allowed. She’d sworn
she couldn’t shed further light on what had happened to her though.
“I hadn’t talked to her for a few days. It’s summer and so, with everyone’s
jobs and vacations, we don’t see each other like when we’re in school.” Chewing
gum, she had been seated in Pescoli’s office, having opted to give her statement
at the department rather than at home. Her sun-streaked hair had been pulled into
a messy bun, big hoop earrings swung from her lobes, and though she’d been
wearing makeup, it wasn’t overdone. Didn’t have to be. She’d been blessed with
thick, sooty lashes, high cheekbones, and pouty rosebud lips to go along with a
killer figure. In skinny, holey jeans and a cropped tee, Lara elicited more than
her share of sidelong glances from the male deputies and clerks who happened
by. If she noticed, she didn’t react, just held Pescoli’s gaze and snapped a wad of
green gum she was working on.

---

Pescoli had brought up the pregnancy.
Lara pulled a face as she chewed. “I wondered.”
“You did?”
“Well, no. Not if she was knocked up. Not like that. I just sensed something
was wrong. She was off, y’know. I thought it was because she broke up with
Donny, but maybe . . .” Lara gave an exaggerated shrug. “Maybe it was the baby.
Geez . . .” She’d bit her lip then, forgetting about the gum for a second.
“Do you have any idea who the father could be, who she was seeing?”
“After Donny?”
“Or . . . during?”
“Oh. I don’t know.” She shook her head, wispy tendrils of pale hair shaking
about her face, earrings flashing under the fluorescent lights strung high
overhead. “All of the guys thought she was okay, but if she was hooking up with
someone, I didn’t know about it.”
She began chewing again. Thoughtfully.
Pescoli guessed that she was lying, that Lara had a few ideas. She pushed, but
got nowhere.
“I suppose it could have been anyone,” Lara finally admitted when Pescoli
pressed her on Destiny’s possible sexual partners. “Maybe one of the guys—
they’re always interested—or maybe someone else.”
Pescoli had thought about that, but her social circle seemed to radiate from the
same group of kids that Bianca knew, that Lara was a part of. She tried another
tack, for now. “You said she broke up with Donny. Thought it was the other way
around.”
“Oh, no. She kicked him to the curb. And I don’t blame her. He was screwin’
around with some girl from college and she found out. Really pissed her off that
he thought he could be with that girl in Missoula, then come back here and
expect Destiny to . . .”
“Have sex with him?”
“Uh-huh. It just doesn’t work out that way, y’know?”
“What about her seeing someone else? How would Donny feel about that?”
“Bad. Really bad. He freaked out when she talked to any guy, if he wasn’t
around. Real controlling, y’know. We were at a party once, and she was in a
different part of the house from where the keg was, where Donny was hanging
out, and she was just like talking to this guy, and Donny went crazy, started
swearing at the guy, then punched him in the face.”
“Who was the guy?”
“Bryant Tophman, I think. He was at the party with Austin, but for some
reason he was alone with Destiny and Donny saw them and went off, mad as

---

hell. He punched Bryant in the nose, then tackled him, had to be pulled off him.
There was blood everywhere. Bryant’s nose gushed and gushed. Anyway, I think
Kywin Bell actually broke up the fight—he was always kind of Destiny’s
protector because Donny has a temper. Especially when he drinks. A sweet guy
who gets kind of mean when he’s had too much.”
It was on the tip of Pescoli’s tongue to remind her that the whole group had
acted as if they barely knew Destiny, when they’d been asked. She decided
bringing it up would be counterproductive, and said instead, “So Donny was
drinking that night.”
“We all were. Everyone was pretty wasted, y’know.”
“Where did this happen? And when?”
“I dunno . . . oh, wait. Spring break, cuz Donny was back from college. So the
end of March. We were all at Reece’s cabin, but after the fight, Austin made
everyone leave. He was really pissed, I mean like really pissed. He kept
screaming about the blood and beer all over his parents’ carpet. One of the guys
actually had peed in the corner of the room, then the fight and Austin went
ballistic, said he was going to sue everyone who was there, but he couldn’t,
could he? Without getting into major trouble.”
“And Bryant didn’t press charges?”
She was shaking her head. “It wasn’t all that big of a deal.”
Maybe. Maybe not.
“I think he was hoping his dad wouldn’t find out. Reverend Tophman doesn’t
like it when Bryant gets into trouble. Bryant wanted to keep it all quiet. And he
and Donny helped pay to clean up the mess. If Austin’s parents ever found out, I
never heard about it.”
“So who did Destiny leave with?”
“That night?” She thought. Worked the gum. “I dunno . . . oh, wait. I think she
got a ride with Alex and Teej. They said they’d drop her off.”
“And did they?”
She paused. Thinking. No longer chewing. “I . . . I guess.” She lifted her
shoulders.
“Wouldn’t Donny have been upset about her leaving with some other guys?”
“Yeah, but it was just Alex and Teej, y’know. Buddies of his.” She chewed
again. “I, you know . . . I don’t know . . . I was a little wasted myself,” she said
with a sheepish smile.
Pescoli changed the course of the conversation. “Donny claims he was the one
who broke up with Destiny.”
She rolled her eyes, then looked more thoughtful. “Okay, I wasn’t there, but I
don’t think so. She was the one who started it.”

---

“What do you mean?”
She worked the gum to one side of her mouth. “I heard that she texted him
first, to tell him it was over. Then they met up later in the day. She coulda texted
him to break up, but then they maybe hooked up later to talk. Not a hook-up,
hook-up. Just talk.”
“No sex.”
“Yeah.” She chewed harder. “Maybe when they got together, they got in a big
fight or something, and then he tells her he ’s breaking up with her. A pride thing,
y’know.” She blinked. “Does it matter?”