Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Pdfdrive com

ANALYSIS
Thesis: They can’t push me around.
Aim: Vindication.
Roles: Standfast, Persecutor, Authority.
Dynamics: Anal passivity.
Examples: (1) Child dressing. (2) Spouse bucking for divorce.
Social Paradigm: Adult-Adult.
Adult: ‘It’s time to (get dressed) (go to a psychiatrist).’
Adult: ‘All right, I’ll try it.’
Psychological Paradigm: Parent-Child.
Parent: ‘I’m going to make you (get dressed) (go to a psychiatrist).’
Child: ‘See, it doesn’t work.’
Moves: (1) Suggestion-Resistance. (2) Pressure-Compliance. (3) Approval-
Failure.
Advantages: (1) Internal Psychological – freedom from guilt for aggression.
(2) External Psychological – evades domestic responsibilities. (3) Internal Social
– Look how hard I’ve tried. (4) External Social – same. (5) Biological –
belligerent exchanges. (6) Existential – I am helpless (blameless).
7 · SWEETHEART
Thesis. This is seen in its fullest flower in the early stages of marital group
therapy, when the parties feel defensive; it can also be observed on social
occasions. White makes a subtly derogatory remark about Mrs White, disguised
as an anecdote, and ends: ‘Isn’t that right, sweetheart?’ Mrs White tends to agree
for two ostensibly Adult reasons: (a) because the anecdote itself is in the main,
accurately reported, and to disagree about what is presented as a peripheral detail
(but is really the essential point of the transaction) would seem pedantic; (b)
because it would seem surly to disagree with a man who calls one ‘sweetheart’ in
public. The psychological reason for her agreement, however, is her depressive
position. She married him precisely because she knew he would perform this
service for her: exposing her deficiencies and thus saving her from the
embarrassment of having to expose them herself. Her parents accommodated her
the same way when she was little.
Next to ‘Courtroom’, this is the most common game played in marital

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groups. The more tense the situation, and the closer the game is to exposure, the
more bitterly is the word ‘sweetheart’ enunciated, until the underlying
resentment becomes obvious. On careful consideration it can be seen that this is
a relative of ‘Schlemiel’, since the significant move is Mrs White’s implicit
forgiveness for White’s resentment, of which she is trying hard not to be aware.
Hence anti-‘Sweetheart’ is played analogously to anti-‘Schlemiel’: ‘You can tell
derogatory anecdotes about me, but please don’t call me “sweetheart”.’ This
antithesis carries with it the same perils as does anti-‘Schlemiel’. A more
sophisticated and less dangerous antithesis is to reply: ‘Yes, honey!’
In another form the wife, instead of agreeing, responds with a similar
‘Sweetheart’ type anecdote about the husband, saying in effect, ‘You have a dirty
face too, dear.’
Sometimes the endearments are not actually pronounced, but a careful
listener can hear them even when they are unspoken. This is ‘Sweetheart’, Silent
Type.

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