Introduction to management

Aggressiveness 

I am the inferior to any man whose rights trample underfoot.  

- Horace Greeley 

There is another class of people, who respond to conflict by becoming 

aggressive - a fight response. They usually try to subdue other people by 

shouting in a loud manner, frowning and grimacing, etc. to frighten the 

other person - they put themselves up by putting others down. 

We often meet such people. The village `goonda', or the `neighbourhood 

bully' is typical examples of aggressive behaviour. Another common Indian 

scene, involving aggressive behaviour, is the case of the woman who 

refuses to allow anyone near the community tap, till her pots and pans are 

filled. Aggressive behaviour is easily recognizable. The whole stance of the 

individual undergoes a transformation. Their body becomes erect and stiff, 

and slightly bent towards the other individual (they may even take two 

steps forward and forward and catch hold of the other person's collar), eyes 

become big, voice is raised ...and so on. 

On the surface, these people usually appear to have level of self- 

confidence, to be in command of every situation and to be strong and able 

to cope with life on their terms. But in reality, the aggressive personality 

covers up an insecure ego. In order to cover up this insecurity, they 

 

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compensate by becoming overly aggressive, and apparently in command 

of every situation. 

Aggressiveness also can be either general or situational. The generally 

aggressive individual has learned early in life that in order to get what you 

want, it is okay if you ride roughshod over other people's feelings, rights, 

etc., whereas the situationally aggressive individual responds with 

aggression only under certain situations. 

Aggressiveness can also be expressed indirectly or passively. On the 

surface these individuals appear to be very mild and sweet, but in order to 

get what they want, they will use indirect means - manipulation, trickery, 

wiles, etc. And if they get angry, they are likely to use sneaky ways to get 

revenge. They can be so indirect that the person whom 

they anger was about. 

Because of the reaction accorded to the aggressive woman and the misery 

experienced by the passive woman, many women develop the ability to get 

they want by indirect means, for instance, the woman who will bang the 

pots and pans in the kitchen to express her anger (when her manipulations 

do not work out) instead of directly saying what is bothering her. . 

This brings us to the question, `Is anger the same as aggression?' No! Anger 

is not the same as aggression. Anger is a natural emotion, also healthy. But 

aggression is the destructive or inappropriate expression of anger and is 

unhealthy. You can reason with an angry person, but not with an aggressive 

person. 

Assertiveness 

Assertiveness is the golden mean between non-assertiveness and 

aggression. The assertive individual has a high self-esteem, values self and 

others, while the non-assertive individual values others but not self, and the 

aggressive individual values only self but not 

others. 

 

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The assertive individuals, when faced with a conflict are the one who will 

make use of our third human option of verbal coping ability. Instead of 

passively giving in to people's demands, on the one extreme, or completely 

ignoring them on the other extreme, the assertive individual will assess the 

situation, and take into consideration both points of view. 

Assertiveness is a characteristic that is both person and situation specific. 

For example, if someone makes an unreasonable request - unreasonable for 

the individual concerned - the assertive person will very simply refuse the 

request, while acknowledging the other person's feelings. 'I know you will 

be unhappy, but I don't feel like . . . (whatever)'. The assertive individual 

takes responsibility for his responses: 'I think', 'I feel', 'and I like'. 'I will 

not'. On the other hand, if the assertive individual is at fault, in that 

situation, he/she will acknowledge his/her fault or mistake, instead of being 

defensive and denying it. 

Manipulative Coping 

In modern society, especially in the upper classes, people are not openly 

non assertive, or aggressive. We wear masks and use indirect means to get 

our way. We are taught, for example, not to be aggressive, it creates bad 

impressions. So on the surface, we are very sweet, but underneath we are 

calculating furiously in our minds, the ways in which to "bring the person 

round ", "get even with so and so", "get rid of those guests" (why did they 

come today?), "turn down a request (which we have no intention of 

complying with ), etc. It is like a verbal game and the winner is the one who 

deftly manages to escape, keeping his image intact! 

Manipulative coping usually leaves you frustrated, irritated and anxious, 

and these feelings are eventually expressed by you in verbal fighting or 

running away. As a result of this unresolved internal conflict between our 

 

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natural wants and our childhood beliefs, we are left with some really dismal 

choices: 

1.  We can do what someone else wants, be frustrated very often, get 

depressed, withdraw from people and lose our self respect;  

2.  We can do what we want angrily, alienate other people and lose our self 

respect ;  

3.  We can avoid conflict by running away from it and the people who 

cause it, and lose their self-respect.  

Role of Anger and the Difference Between Anger and Aggression

 

Anger is a feeling, an emotion just like fear, joy, sorrow, grief, etc. 

Everyone feels anger, sometime or the other, but the ways in which we 

show our anger are different. For example, let us say you're walking on the 

road, and you accidentally brush someone as you pass by. Now, the other 

person can react in either one of the following ways: 

1.  Direct put down and verbal aggression: "Damn it, can't you watch 

where you're going! You  fool ..!"  

2.  Indirect put down: "Can't you see without your glasses on?" or "Oh, 

have you forgotten to wear your glasses today ?"  

3.  Non-verbal put-down : a dirty look.  

4.  Saying nothing.  

Some people claim that they never get angry. Do not believe them. They do 

get angry, but they have learned to control it, so as not to openly show it. 

Such controlled individuals typically suffer from migraine headaches, 

asthma, ulcer, and skin rashes. 

 

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Anger and its expression is a healthy thing - if used constructively. Simple 

direct verbal expression of your anger is much better than bottling it up or 

using indirect means - taunting, making snide remarks, or even non verbal 

put-downs like, making faces, refusing to talk, sulking, etc. - to take 

revenge on the person who angered you. Even saying simply and 

forcefully, "I am very angry with you" is preferable to calling names or 

abusing or physical exertion like banging doors, and throwing things. 

People often appreciate it when you directly confront them with your anger, 

rather than do something nasty, or sly to hurt the person concerned. A 

classic example of this is that of newly weds. After the honeymoon is over, 

the wife discovers many objectionable habits in her husband. Not wishing 

to directly confront him, as she is afraid to "spoil their relationship" (or so 

she thinks), she finds another way out to vent her feelings. When husband 

goes to work, she rings up her mother and given vent to her hostile feelings. 

Worse, when all the family gathers together, she berates him in front of 

everyone - the case of washing your dirty linen in public . . . Little does she 

realize that this mode of expressing anger is much more harmful to their 

marriage then talking it over with her husband in private. This way only 

serves to embitter her husband and make him lose his love and respect for 

her. If on the other hand, she had chosen to courageously assert herself by 

directly telling him of her feelings; it would have boded much better for 

their marriage. 

Very often people confuse angry feelings with aggressive behaviour. 

According to Alberti and Emmons . . . aggression is not the same thing as 

anger! Anger is a perfectly natural, healthy human, which may be expressed 

in a number of ways, including aggressively, non-assertively, assertively or 

not at all. Anger is a feeling, an emotion we all feel at times. Aggression is 

a behavioural style of expression. 

 

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Dealing with your Anger

 

:

 

A healthy approach to dealing with anger is to : 

1.  Recognize and allow yourself to believe that anger is a natural healthy, non-

evil human feeling. Everyone feels it, we just don't all express it. You 

needn't fear your anger.  

2.  Remember that you are responsible for your own feelings. You got angry at 

what happened, the other person didn't "make" you angry.  

3.  Remember that anger and aggression is not the same thing. Anger can be 

expressed assertively.  

4.  Learn to relax. If you have developed the skill of relaxing, learn to apply 

this response, when your anger is triggered.  

5.  Develop assertive methods for expressing your anger : be spontaneous, 

don't wait and let it build up resentment ; state it directly; avoid sarcasm 

and innuendo; use honest, expressive language; avoid name-calling; put 

downs, and physical attacks. 

6.  Keep your life clear. Deal with issues when they arise, when you feel the 

feeling - not after hours/days/weeks of "stewing" about it.  

Go ahead! Get angry! But develop a positive, assertive style for expressing it . 

You and those around you will appreciate it. 

According to the Vedantic tradition, there are three ways of expressing anger : 

1.  Sathvic : when a person without any attachment to the feeling of anger and 

without caring for the result for himself, but for the good of the person, to 

correct him and to offer the whole process to the Divinity in the self or 

outside and not feeling the responsibility of the doer.  

 

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2.  Rajasic : where a person wants to correct the evil in the other as well as for 

the appreciation and does not surrender the process to God. When 

successful, he claims the success, but when he fails, he blames God.  

3.  Tamasic : unconscious intervention into the personal problems without 

being invited to correct them and imposing your own ideas of good and bad 

and trying to correct them in good faith that you believe you are doing the 

ultimate good ( you are unaware of your own desires).  

Dealing with another's anger :

 

When confronted with a direct verbal put-

down, the following four steps are valuable -  

1.  admit it when you are wrong, even in the face of insult.  

2.  acknowledge the person's feelings.  

3.  assert yourself about the way he or she is reacting.  

4.  give a short statement to bring the encounter to an end.  

For example, " I apologize for brushing against you. I did not do it 

intentionally. You're obviously upset, but I do not like you calling me 

names or yelling at me. I can get your point 

without 

that." 

The best way to handle an indirect put-down is to first ask for more 

information : "What are you saying?", "What do you mean?" And in case of 

a non-verbal put-down, it is best to attempt to get the person to use words 

instead of gestures. 

  

 

 

20.3   ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR: COMPONENTS AND TECHNIQUES 

 

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Have you ever wondered how some people manage to be in perfect control 

of their lives? Their feelings, relationship, in fact their whole personality 

seems to be in perfect concord. They lead a full, interesting, free life, make 

their own decision, command the respect of others, and reflect an inner 

glow of contentment and self-worth. 

This is not to say that they are the models of perfection, or that they do not 

undergo any stress whatsoever, but invariably these individuals will have 

evolved some assertive ways of coping with people and situations without 

getting unduly anxious. They manage to do this, because they respect 

themselves, and value their personal judgements, opinions, wishes and 

needs and more important they recognize these rights in others as well. 

•  Behaviour which enables a person to act in his or her own best interest, to 

stand up for herself or himself, without undue anxiety, to express honest 

feeling comfortably, or to exercise personal rights without denying the 

rights of others, we call Assertive Behaviour. 

•  Let us discuss the elements of that complex sentence in greater detail. 

•  To act in one's own best interest : refers to the capacity to make life 

decisions (career, relationship, life style, time activities), to take initiative 

(start conversations, organize activities), to trust one's own judgement, to 

set goals and work to achieve them, to ask for help from others, to 

comfortably participate socially. 

•  To stand up for oneself: includes such behaviours as saying `No', setting 

limits on one's time and energy, responding to criticism, or putdowns or 

anger, expressing or supporting or defending one's opinions. 

 

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•  To express honest feelings comfortably : means the ability to disagree, show 

anger, to show affection or friendship, to admit fear or anxiety, to express 

agreement, or support, to be spontaneous, all without painful anxiety. 

•  To exercise personal rights: relates to one's competency (as a citizen, or 

consumer, as a member of an organization or school or work group, as a 

participant in public events) to express opinions, to work for change, to 

respond to violation of one's own rights, or those of others. 

•  To not deny the rights of other: is to accomplish the above personal 

expressions, without unfair criticism of others, without hurtful behaviour 

towards others, without name-calling, without intimidation, without 

manipulation, without controlling others. 

•  Thus, assertive behaviour is a positive self-affirmation, which also values 

the other persons in your life. 

Barriers to Assertiveness

 

What are some of the barriers to asserting oneself? Alberti and Emmons say, " . 

. . We have found while helping thousands of people to learn to express 

themselves more effectively, that there are three significant barriers to self 

assertiveness: 

1.  Many people do not believe that they have right to be assertive.  

2.  Many people are highly anxious/fearful about being assertive.  

3.  Many people lack the social skills for effective self-expression.  

However, research had shown that learning to make assertive responses would 

inhabit or weaken the anxiety previously experienced in specific interpersonal 

relations. 

 

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Assertive Behaviour at a Glance 

Every one is born with unique potential and Free Will - to decide for 

themselves, to judge for themselves, make mistakes and learn from them, 

refuse requests, and say `I don't understand' or change one's mind. As children 

we had no doubt about these things. Most children are assertive - they know 

what their rights are and do not hesitate to express them - sometimes from 

child to adult, we rob ourselves and allow others (due to childhood training and 

false notions) to rob us of our rights. 

As a first step towards becoming assertive, we should become aware of our 

being assertive individual. The following table illustrates Assertive Behaviour 

at a Glance. For those who believe that they do not have the right to lead a free, 

independent life, and still enjoy lasting and good interpersonal relationships, 

they would be advised to consider the following bill. Most individuals become 

very disillusioned about people and life in general, or their inability to have 

close and meaningful relationships and at the same time, retain their identity. 

The following table will help you to reaffirm your SELF as being of the 

greatest value! 

Table: Assertive Behaviour at a Glance 

•  You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity.  

•  You have the right to have and express your own feelings and opinions.  

•  You have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.  

•  You have the right to judge your own behaviour, thoughts and emotions, 

and to undertake the responsibility for their initiation, and consequences 

upon yourself.  

•  You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.  

 

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•  You have the right to say : "I don't know".  

•  You have the right to say : " I don't understand."  

•  You have the right to ask for information (including from professionals).  

•  You have the right to change your mind.  

•  You have the right to be independent to the goodwill of others before 

coping with them.  

•  You have the right to get what you pay for.  

•  You have the right to choose your profession.  

•  You have the right to practice your own religion.  

•  You have the right to ask for what you want (realizing that the other person 

has the right to say `no').  

•  You have the right to acquire knowledge.  

•  You have the right to say `No' without feeling guilty. 

•  Finally, You have the right to do anything so long as it does not violate the 

rights of others. 

Components of Assertive Behaviour

 

Very often, besides knowing the right words to say, how we act, and how we 

say something has an even greater impact. 

You Body :Developing an assertive body image. 

Your body does communicate. Your style of emotional expression, posture, 

facial expressions and voice quality are all tremendously important to you in 

 

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becoming assertive. How does one develop on assertive body image to make 

your body as well as your words communicate assertively? 

Your Inventory of Body image Components. Methodically check yourself 

from head to toe, measuring yourself on a scale of Assertiveness. 

1.  Eye Contact :

 

While addressing another person, where do you look? If you 

look directly at the person as you speak, it helps to communicate you 

sincerity and to increase the directness of your message. But if you look 

down or away much of the time, you present a lack of confidence. Women 

often have a problem of making eye contact with another person, because 

many of us have been taught that it is more feminine to look away or look 

down. In some cultures, like in India, it is considered disrespectful for 

women to make direct eye contact with men 

or 

authority 

figures. 

However, making relaxed eye contact is essential when you want to appear 

assertive and interested and shows respect for the other person. This does 

not mean staring continuously till the other person becomes uncomfortable. 

Look at their eyes, then perhaps look away for a few seconds, or drop your 

gaze slightly so that you are focusing on their mouth, as they speak to you. 

Practice making good eye contact and be aware of any differences in the 

quality of your communication. Are you listening better? Are you 

conveying more interest and receiving more interest in what you are 

saying?  

2.  Facial Expressions :

 

Ever see someone trying to express anger while 

smiling or laughing ? It just doesn't come across. Effective assertion 

requires an expression that agrees with the message. Let your face say the 

same thing your words are saying. With a greater awareness of the feeling 

in your face, you can begin to more consciously control your facial 

expression to become more natural.  

 

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3.  Body Posture :

 

A significant increase in personalizing the conversation, 

occurs from a slight turn of the torso, say 30 to 45 degrees towards the 

other person. Relative `power' may be noticed in an encounter. An obvious 

example of this is seen in the relationship between a tall adult and a small 

child; the adult who is thoughtful enough to bend to the child's height will 

find a considerable difference in the quality of communication. 

In a situation where you are called upon to stand up for yourself, it is useful 

to do just that - stand up! An active and erect posture lends additional 

assertiveness to your message, whereas a slumped, passive stance gives the 

other person an immediate advantage as does any tendency on your part to 

lean back or move away.  

4.  Gestures :

 

A relaxed use of gestures can add depth or power to your 

message, and can suggest openness, self confidence and spontaneity on the 

part of the speaker. However, gesturing must not be erratic or nervous.  

5.  Voice, Tone, Inflection and Volume :

 

The way we use our voices is a vital 

element in our communication. Consider at least three dimensions of your 

voice:  

  Tone : is it raspy, whiny, soft, angry?  

  Inflection : do you speak in a monotone, or with sing-song effect, or 

emphasize certain syllables?  

  Volume : do you try to gain attention with a whisper, or overpower 

others with loudness, or is it very difficult for you to shout, even 

when you want to ?  

6.  Contents :

 

What you say is of course important, but honesty and 

spontaneity of expression is much more important. This means saying, for 

example, "I am very angry with you" rather than  calling names or abusing 

 

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people. People, who hesitate because they don't know what to say, should 

make a  practice of saying something, to express their honest feelings at the 

time. It makes a great difference and adds to your assertiveness. 

Some  other components such as fluency, timing, listening, 

distance/physical contact, even weight and physical appearance, are 

considered  as factors in developing assertiveness.