John Gray – Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Scanned by nova scanner: Canoscan D1250 U2f software: Omnipage Pro 9 Date: 28 August 2002 Proofed by

The 'I will not do it' is a personal rejection. If he says 'I can't do it' then it is no reflection on me, 
it is just that he can't do it.' 
 
Common Mistakes in Asking 
 
The hardest part of learning to ask is remembering how to do it. Try using the w words 
whenever possible. It will take a lot of practice. 
 

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To ask a man for support: 
 
1. Be direct. 
 
2. Be brief. 
 
3. Use "would you" or "will you" phrases. 
 
It's best not to be too indirect, too lengthy, or to employ phrases such as "could you" or "can 
you." Let's look at some examples. 
 
 
Say 
Don’t Say 
"Would you empty the trash?" 
"This kitchen is a mess; it really stinks. I can't fit anything else 
into the trash bag. It needs to be emptied. Could you do it?" 
(This is too long and uses could.) 
"Would you help me move this 
table?" 
"I can't move this table. I need to rearrange it before our party 
tonight. Could you please help?" (This is too long and uses 
could.) 
"Would you please put this away for 
me?" 
"I can't put all of this away." (This is an indirect message.) 
"Would you bring the groceries in 
from the car?" 
"I have four bags of groceries left in the car. And I 
need that food to make dinner. Could you bring them 
in?"(This is too long, indirect, and uses could.) 
"Would you pick up a bottle of milk 
on your way home?" 
"You'll be going by the store. Lauren needs a bottle of milk. I 
just can't go out again. I am so tired. Today was a bad day. 
Could you get it?" (This is too long, indirect, and uses could.) 
"Would you pick up Julie from 
school?" 
"Julie needs a ride home and I can't pick her up. Do you have 
time? Do you think you could pick her up?" (This is too long, 
indirect, and uses could.) 
"Would you take Zoey to the vet 
today?" 
"It's time for Zoey to get her shots. Would you like to take her 
to the vet?" (This is too indirect.) 
"Would you take us out to dinner 
tonight?" 
"I am too tired to make dinner. 
We haven't gone out in a 
long time. Do you want to go out?" (This is too lengthy and 
indirect.) 
"Would you zip me up?" 
"I need your help. Could you zip me up?" (This is indirect and 
uses could.) 
"Would you build a fire for us 
tonight?" 
"It's really cold. Are you going to build a fire?" (This is too 
indirect.) 
"Would you take me to a movie this 
week?" 
"Do you want to go to a movie this week?" (This is too 
indirect.) 
"Would you help Lauren put on her 
shoes?" 
"Lauren still hasn't put on her shoes! We are late. I can't do 
this all by myself! Could you help?" (This is too long, indirect, 
and uses could.) 
"Would you sit down with me now 
or sometime tonight and talk about 
our schedule?" 
"I have no idea of what's going on. We haven't talked and I 
need to know what you are doing." (This is too long and 
indirect.)