Lecture The Study of Intercultural Communication Key Terms

4.3 Strategies and Tactics in Conflict Situations
The ways in which people respond to conflict may be influenced by their cultural backgrounds. Most people deal with conflict in the way they learned while growing up – the default style. Conflict resolution strategies usually relate to how people manage their self-image in relationships. For example, they may prefer to preserve their own self-esteem rather than help the other person save face. Or they may prefer to sacrifice their self-esteem in order to preserve the relationship.
Although individuals may have a general predisposition to deal with conflict in particular ways, they may choose different tactics in different situations. People are not necessarily locked into a particular style of conflict strategy. There are at least five specific styles of managing conflicts:

1. 
   dominating style;
   
2. 
   integrating style;
   
3. 
   compromising style;
   
4. 
   obliging style;
   
5. 
   avoiding style.
   

The dominating style reflects a high degree of concern for oneself and a low degree of concern for others, such that an individual might use forceful behavior to “win” the argument. For example, suppose that “tom and his ex-wife, Lynn, often argue about how much child support he should give her for their children. Tom usually ends the argument by saying, “You’ll get what I give you, and that’s that” and then leaving before Lynn can say anything. This dominating style is often associated with loud, forceful expressiveness, which may be counterproductive to conflict resolution.
The integrating style reflects a high degree of concern for both the self and the other person. This style involves an open exchange of information in an attempt to reach a solution that is acceptable to both parties. It is the style that involves collaboration, empathy, objectivity, recognition of feelings, and creative solutions. This style thus requires a lot of time and energy, but it is seen as most effective in most conflicts because it attempts to be fair and equitable.
The compromising style reflects a moderate degree of concern for oneself and for others. This style involves sharing information such that both individuals give up something to find a mutually acceptable solution. For example, suppose that Jim likes to spend money on what his partner Donna considers frivolous things, such as fast cars and nights on the town. Donna prefers to put most of their disposable income into savings for retirement. But they agree, after long hours of discussion, that Jim will contribute some of his salary to the couple’s retirement fund in exchange for being able to spend a portion of his salary in any way he wants – with no objections from Donna. Thus, they each give up something in using a compromising style to resolve the conflict. This style can be less effective than the integrating approach because people may only reluctantly give up something they value.
The obliging style describes a situation in which one person in the conflict plays down the differences and emphasizes commonalities that satisfy the concerns of the other person. An obliging style may be most appropriate when one person is more concerned with the future of the relationship than with the issue at hand. For example, suppose that Jennifer hates to do housework and doesn’t help her partner, Lindsay, very much around the house. However, Lindsay doesn’t mind doing the extra work and loves Jennifer very much, so she is content to use an obliging style. This style is common in hierarchical relationships in which one person has more status or power than the other, with the person with lower status using an obliging style in conflicts.
The avoiding style reflects a low degree of concern for the self and others. In the dominant U.S. cultural contexts, a person who uses this style attempts to withdraw, deny the conflict. However, in some cultural contexts, this is an appropriate strategy that, if used by both parties, may result in more harmonious relationships. For example, Amish children are taught that it’s much better to avoid conflict than to damage relationships by open conflict. From a traditional Asian perspective, obliging and avoiding styles do not have negative connotations of being passive or elusive. Thus, avoiding can be an effective way for Amish or Asians to deal with one another; but it may be less effective when they are in conflict with people who don’t share their approaches to conflict resolution. For example, Yuko, a Japanese exchange student, used an avoiding style when she had some small conflicts with two American friends while on vacation together. “We talked about what we were thinking, and they said to me “you should express more what you think”. With some discussion, they solved their problem and became better friends.
We tend to prefer a particular conflict style in our interactions for many reasons. A primary influence is our family background; some families prefer a particular conflict style, and children come to accept this style as normal. Sometimes people try very hard to reject the conflict styles they saw their parents using. For example, suppose that Lauren’s parents argued loudly when she was growing up, and her mother often used a controlling style of conflict management. Lauren has vowed she will never deal with conflict that way with her own children and has tried very hard to use other ways of dealing with conflicts when they do arise in her family. It is important to recognize that people deal with conflict in a variety of ways and may not have the same reasons for choosing a certain style.