Shepherding a Child's Heart

Disassociation from the Wicked
The third foundational issue is found in Proverbs 1:10. “My son, if
sinners entice you, do not give in to them.” Solomon is calling his son
to disassociation with the wicked. God understands the problem of
influence. The one who lives in company with wicked people will
learn wicked ways.
While what I have written above is true, it fails to catch the genius
of this passage. This passage does not simply tell us to disassociate
with the wicked. It also tells us why our children are attracted by such
alliances. In verses 10–19 of this chapter, there are over 20 collective
pronouns. Note these with me:
“Come along with us .… we will get all sorts of plunder .…
throw in your lot with us … we will share a common purse … ”
What is the pitch to the young person in Proverbs 1? It is
belonging. The attraction of giving in to the wicked is camaraderie.
The appeal is to a very human need to share mutuality with others.
Your kids need to belong.
I was a new elder making a pastoral call early one summer
evening. As I sipped tea and chatted with a middle-aged couple, their
daughter descended the stairs. She was dressed in a tawdry and
immodest manner. As she entered the living room, her father spoke
harshly, “Just where do you think you’re going, girl?” he asked in a
voice that would curdle milk. “Out,” was the monosyllabic reply.
“You’re not going anywhere dressed like that,” he said, adding, “You
look like a slut!” The door closed behind her. She was gone.
I don’t have any idea what happened for the rest of the evening. I
am not sure how long I stayed or what we talked about. All I could

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think about was the alienation within the family I was visiting.
No wonder the daughter was leaving home as fast as her legs
could carry her. I didn’t want to stay there either.
The most powerful way to keep your children from being attracted
by the offers of camaraderie from the wicked is to make home an
attractive place to be.
Young people generally do not run from places where they are
loved and know unconditional acceptance. They do not run away from
homes where there are solid relationships. They do not run from
homes in which the family is planning activities and doing exciting
things.
I made reference earlier to a 650-mile bicycling trip that we took
as a family. That trip was a catalyst for family interaction for nearly
two years. We planned together. We made lists of needed equipment.
We bought bikes and assorted camping gear. We pored over maps,
planning our route. We read books on cycle touring to learn from
others. We trained so we would be physically ready. The children told
their friends about our plans. They felt like they belonged to a special
family that was doing unusual things. The cycling vacation provided a
sense of unified purpose. It provided a sense of belonging during a
critical time in the lives of our three children.
The point is this: The call to association with the wicked comes to
our kids. We must work to make home an attractive place to be.
Home should be the shelter where the teen is understood and loved,
where he is encouraged and shown the paths of life.
These three foundations of life must blow through every
conversation with your teens: The fear of the Lord, adherence to
parental instruction, and disassociation from the wicked. When they
do, we can expect the favor of the Lord to rest upon our efforts.