Shepherding a Child's Heart

Humility in Your Task
Understanding that you function as God’s agents can keep you
sharply focused and humble as parents. It is sobering to realize that
you correct your child by God’s command. You stand before him as
God’s agent to show him his sin. Just as an ambassador is conscious
of functioning in behalf of the country that has sent him, so the parent
must be aware of the fact that he is God’s representative to the child. I
know of no realization that will sober and humble the parent like this
one.
On many occasions, I have had to seek the forgiveness of my
children for my anger or sinful response. I have had to say, “Son, I
sinned against you. I spoke in unholy anger. I said things I should not
have said. I was wrong. God has given me a sacred task, and I have
brought my unholy anger into this sacred mission. Please forgive
me.”
Your focus can be sharpened by the realization that discipline is
not you working on your agenda, venting your wrath toward your
children; it is you coming as God’s representative, bringing the
reproofs of life to your son or your daughter. You only muddy the
waters when the bottom line in discipline is your displeasure over
their behavior, rather than God’s displeasure with rebellion against

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his ordained authority.
No Place for Anger
I have spoken to countless parents who genuinely thought their
unholy anger had a legitimate place in correction and discipline. They
reasoned that they could bring their children to a sober fear of
disobeying if they showed anger. So discipline became the time when
Mom or Dad manipulated their children through raw displays of
anger. What the child learns is the fear of man, not the fear of God.
James 1 demonstrates the falsehood of the idea that parents should
underscore correction with personal rage:
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger
does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
(James 1:19–20)
The Apostle James could not be more clear. The righteous life that
God desires is never the product of uncontrolled anger. Unholy human
anger may teach your children to fear you. They may even behave
better, but it will not bring about biblical righteousness.
Any change in behavior that is produced by such anger is not going
to move your children toward God. It moves them away from God. It
moves them in the direction of the idolatry of fearing man. No
wonder James adds emphasis by saying, “Dear brothers, take note of
this … ”
If you correct and discipline your children because God mandates it,
then you need not clutter up the task with your anger. Correction is
not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding
them that their sinful behavior offends God. It is bringing his censure
of sin to these subjects of his realm. He is the King. They must obey.