Shepherding a Child's Heart

Shaping Influences
In this chapter, I will present a chart to help you understand the
shaping influences of childhood. While the term “shaping influences”
may be a new one, what it signifies is as old as humanity. Shaping
influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s
developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the
person he is. But the shaping is not automatic; the ways he responds

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to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon
him.
There is clear biblical warrant for acknowledging the lifelong
implications of early childhood experience. The major passages
dealing with family (Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3)
presuppose these implications. The Scriptures demand your attention
to shaping influences.
The person your child becomes is a product of two things. The
first is his life experience. The second is how he interacts with that
experience. The first chart deals with the shaping influences of life. In
the next chapter, I will introduce a chart addressing the child’s
response to those shaping influences. He is not merely acted upon by
the circumstances of life. He reacts. He responds according to the
Godward orientation of his heart. Understanding these charts will help
you to know where your children need structure and shepherding.
The arrows in the diagram below represent these shaping
influences. These influences, both within and outside parental control,
come to the child and powerfully affect his life.
Structure of Family Life
One arrow depicts the structure of family life. Is the family a
traditional nuclear family? How many parents is the child exposed to?

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Is it a family of two generations or three? Are both parents alive and
functioning in the home? How are the parenting roles structured? Are
there other children or is family life organized around only one child?
What is the birth order of the children? What are the relationships
between the children? How close or distant are they in terms of age,
ability, interest or personality? How does the child’s personality
blend with the other members of the family?
Sally and her husband came for counseling. They were newly
married and facing difficult adjustments. One of the hardest hurdles
for Sally to surmount was that her husband did not organize his life
around her. She’d been an only child. While her parents didn’t spoil
her by lavishing things on her, they did make her wants and needs a
priority. She now felt unloved because her husband did not structure
life around her wishes. Her family life as a child had profoundly
shaped her needs and her expectations of her husband.