Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Child in a Relationship to God
The first prong of analysis is your child in relationship to God.
The question is not the personal evangelism question—does he have a
relationship with God? The question is what you discern the nature of
that relationship to be.
Is your child living in a conscious need for God, and what is the
content of his relationship with God? Is he concerned to know and
love God? Is God a source of strength, comfort and help? Does he
make choices that reflect knowing God? Is he moved by God’s ways
and truth? Is he alive to spiritual realities? Is there any evidence that
he is carrying on an independent (from you as a parent) relationship
with God?
Are there false gods before which your child bows? What are the
things without which he cannot be happy? What things other than
God seem to motivate him? How does he finish the sentence: “What I
really want, long for, desire, and esteem is …is … ?”
Does he ever talk about God? How does he talk about God? How
does he think about God? Is his God small or grand? Does he think of
God as a friend, a judge, a helper, or a taskmaster? Is he living out of
the fullness of seeing himself in Christ or is he trying to worship and
serve himself?
These are not questions about your child’s understanding of
biblical truth. They are questions about his understanding of the
nature of God’s grace and salvation through faith in Christ. To
shepherd his heart, to lead him to God, you must have some
perception of where he is spiritually.
The Child in Relationship to Himself
How does your child think about himself? How well does he

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understand himself? How aware is he of his strengths and
weaknesses? Does he understand his personality? Is he self-conscious
about the propensities of his personality?
My friend’s daughter, Jennifer, is a person with a tender heart
toward the needs of others. Because of this, she can often tell what
others are feeling. This is an excellent ability. It makes her sensitive
to the feelings of others. There is a downside to this ability. It is easy
for such people to allow others to manipulate them. It is easy for her
not to tell others how she feels or what she thinks. She is sometimes
tempted to let someone else win at a game so that they will not be
disappointed.
She must understand these things about herself. If she is to discern
these qualities of her personality, my friend must first understand
them so that he can help her. Most of us learn these things eventually,
but it is often after we are adults. Sadly, some adults never understand
the personality issues that drive their responses.
We are complex combinations of strengths and weaknesses. There
are things that we can do with ease. There are other things that are
painful and arduous. Understanding these things can enable us to
shore up our weaknesses and develop our strengths. Your children
need to accept and appreciate themselves as unique combinations of
strengths and weaknesses—as persons who are exactly what God
wanted them to be. Help them to embrace themselves as good enough
to do all God has called them to do and has called them to be. In a
word, you want them to be content with themselves.

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There is another aspect of your child’s knowledge of himself.
What attitudes toward himself does he evidence? Is he shy or
confident? Is he arrogant or diffident? Is he chained by fears? Is he
able to extend himself to others? Does he have a false dependence on
others? Does he feel better than others or does he feel inadequate
around others?
Harold, a first-grader in my acquaintance, is a relationship junkie.
Everything he does is vested with relationship implications. When he
sits in the reading circle he is interacting more with those around him
than with the reading material. Lining up for recess is a process of
jockeying for the recognition of someone. Seatwork time is made
meaningful by racing with someone to see who finishes first. (It
doesn’t even matter whether they know he is racing.) His thoughts
about relationships with girls are sexually loaded and laden with
baggage a 7-year-old should never carry.
A skillful teacher is helping Harold’s parents to understand their
son. He is helping them see that Harold is crippled by needing
relationships in an idolatrous manner. Harold must understand that
only God can slake the thirst of his soul for relationship. Scores of
children exhibit clear, lifelong patterns of need that are never
understood by them or their parents. They grow up to be enslaved to

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needs that were evident in seed form in childhood years.
Self-possessed qualities are still another aspect of the child’s
relationship with himself. Is he able to stick to a task without external
props? Is he able to work independently? Is he dependent on the
approbation of others, or is he more self-possessed?
You need to understand your child’s development in these areas so
you can shepherd him. You need to ask the proper questions, to draw
out his ideas about himself so that you can point him to Christ in
ways that address the thirst of his soul.