Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Child in Relationship to Others
What are your child’s relationships? How does he interact with
others? What sorts of relationships does he have? What does he bring
out in others? Are his relationships even or is he always in control or
being controlled? Does he fawn for the attention of others?
Is he pleasant with other children his age? How does he deal with
disappointment in people? How does he respond to being sinned
against? What are areas of relational strength? What are the
weaknesses?
In the Christian school, Genny was the take-charge type. She was
a born CEO. She told the girls whether their clothes were right. She
informed everyone what they should wear to school the next day. If
she planned to have braids, the other girls should have braids too.
When it was time for recess, she chose the game. Then she chose the
teams!
Her teacher understood the issues. She could have told Genny not
to be so bossy. But she knew that while Genny might try to obey,
eventually the bossiness would resurface. So she chose to help Genny
in a better way. She worked with Genny’s parents to understand
Genny’s overbearing manner. Together, they helped Genny to see
herself, to see what she was doing to others, to see how she was trying
to control people, to see that she was getting comfort for her heart

---

from controlling others. Genny learned how to pray and ask God for
help when she was tempted to control others. She was rescued from a
life of finding comfort and meaning in controlling others.
Periodic Review
My friend is a manager of a retail business. He understands that
his success is not based on what he has to sell, but the skills of his
sales people. He, therefore, makes training videos and tries to help his
employees to grow. I asked him one day how often each employee in
his organization gets a performance review. He said they are reviewed
each quarter. I asked him how often he and his wife did a review of
his children. He blushed. They never had. I believe his confession is
common.
Once or twice a year, you and your spouse should sit down and
take stock of your children. Put this simple chart (Figure 9) at the
head of the page. Under each category list all your concerns. List also
the things you are pleased with. Develop some strategy for dealing
with the areas of concern. If you do this, you will prepare yourselves
with many fruitful areas to help your children.
In the next chapter, we will look at specific procedures for
addressing character development during this exciting middle period
of childhood.