Shepherding a Child's Heart

Deal with Broad Themes
In adult relationships, you do not nit-pick your friends over every
little thing that needs attention. Rather, you look for broad themes of
response. You try to understand the patterns of response and that’s
what you talk about.
In the earlier illustration with my son’s project, the broad theme
was sticking with long-range tasks. The project in his room was
illustrative of other things. That is why I mentioned it, and that is why

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he responded as he did. What I said resonated with him. He made the
connections because he saw the pattern in himself when I drew it to
his attention. He didn’t fight it because he didn’t have to deal with my
anger or disapproval. It was easy (in comparison to the alternatives)
to respond to my direction.
Allowing Room for Disagreement
In adult relationships, it is possible to disagree with each other
and remain friends. The same should be true in your relationships
with your children. They don’t have to agree with you on everything
in order to respect you.
Sometimes, parents fail to distinguish between what is Scriptural
and what reflects their personal taste. In things such as dress,
hairstyle, and so forth, it is possible for honest people to disagree.
There are many areas in which you need to draw in the reins and give
clear direction to your teens. Don’t waste your influence on things
that don’t matter. That may mean they wear some bizarre costumes
from time to time. Don’t worry—people will forget and their faltering
and experimenting will settle in time. They needn’t be carbon copies
of you to be godly!
Beyond Internalization
Even the internalization process is not the end. It simply opens the
way for the future development of your children. Remember, you
want to see them taking their place as autonomous individuals under
the Lord. That will involve the following:
1. Developing a Christian mind. Your children need to develop the
ability to think Christianly. They need to learn to dissect any area of
thought and subject it to biblical critique.
Heather had a research paper to write. Her subject was child
abuse. She chose her sources, including some that espoused a
Christian perspective. When she had completed the paper, she brought

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it to us for inspection. We rejoiced to see that her conclusion was a
Christian critique of the problem and solutions that reflect that
Christian faith is the only source of deep and final healing.
2. Developing friendships with adults. There are two elements of
this.
A) Making friends with adults within the church and
community.
B) Developing nurturing and constructive friendships and
relationships among their peers.
3. Discovering and developing their peculiar ministry niche. This
involves understanding how God has equipped them to contribute to
his people. It will also entail a deepening sense of mutuality with
others and becoming established corporately with the people of God.
You cannot make this happen. You can only hope to shepherd the
process.
4. Determining a career in which they can fulfill the cultural
mandate and God’s command that they support themselves and share
with others in need. Your role here is to facilitate their understanding
of their strengths and weaknesses. Suppress the desire to make them
into what you want them to be. Help them make choices that will
bring them success in what they want to be.
5. Establishment of their own home and family identity as a
member of the society and a part of the church of Christ. You can
help them guard the integrity of their new family relationships.
Practice godly wisdom in your expectations of them. Let go of that