Shepherding a Child's Heart

Part of the parent’s task is to shepherd him as a creature who
worships, pointing him to the One who alone is worthy of his worship.
The question is not “will he worship?” It is always “whom will he
worship?”
Implications for Childrearing
This issue of Godward orientation separates what you read here
from most other books on childrearing. Most parenting books are
written to help you do the best possible job of providing constructive
shaping influences for your child. All sorts of tips and creative ideas
are suggested for producing the best, most biblically consistent

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shaping influences, in the hope that the child will respond to things
well and turn out okay. I am not only setting forth some ideas about
biblical structures for life, but also approaches to shepherding the
child by reaching his heart.
Remember Proverbs 4:23. Life flows out of the heart. Parenting
cannot be concerned only with positive shaping influences; it must
shepherd the heart. Life gushes forth from the heart.
I am interested in helping parents engage in hand-to-hand combat
on the world’s smallest battlefield, the child’s heart. You need to
engage your children as creatures made in the image of God. They can
find fulfillment and happiness only as they know and serve the living
God.
The task you undertake in childrearing is always concerned with
both issues depicted in these charts. You want to provide the best
possible shaping influences for your children. You want the structure
of your home to furnish the stability and security that they need. You
want the quality of relationships in your home to reflect the grace of
God and the mercy for failing sinners that God’s character
demonstrates. You want the punishments meted out to be appropriate
and to reflect a holy God’s view of sin. You want the values of your
home to be scripturally informed. You want to control the flow of
events so that your home is not chaotic, but well-structured. You want
to provide a healthy, constructive atmosphere for your child.
When all is said and done, those things, important as they are, will
never be the total story. Your child is not just a product of those
shaping influences. He interacts with all these things. He interacts
according to the nature of the covenantal choices he is making. Either
he responds to the goodness and mercy of God in faith or he responds
in unbelief. Either he grows to love and trust the living God, or he
turns more fully to various forms of idolatry and self-reliance. The
story is not just the nature of the shaping influences of his life, but
how he has responded to God in the context of those shaping

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influences.
Since it is the Godward orientation of your child’s heart that
determines his response to life, you may never conclude that his
problems are simply a lack of maturity. Selfishness is not outgrown.
Rebellion against authority is not outgrown. These things are not
outgrown because they are not reflective of immaturity but rather of
the idolatry of your child’s heart.
Young Albert was a deceitful child. He sneaked around behind his
father’s back. He lied even when it was not advantageous. Often he
would steal money from his parents. His father insisted on
interpreting his behavior as immaturity. Albert was immature, but
that was not the reason he was untrustworthy. The reason he could not
be trusted was that he was a sinner. Al was trying to make sense out
of life without God. In the idolatry of his rebellion against God’s
authority and his determination to be his own authority, he had
become untrustworthy. Albert’s dad was unable to help his son until
he began to see that Al’s behavior reflected a heart that had defected
from God.