Shepherding a Child's Heart

Called to Obedience
You do not come to your child demanding, for your own purposes,
that he knuckle under you and obey. No! You come with the
corrections of discipline that are the way to life (Proverbs 6:23). You
engage your son on behalf of God because God has first engaged you.
I recall many conversations that went like this:
Father: “You didn’t obey Daddy, did you?”
Child: “No.”
Father: “Do you remember what God says Daddy must do if
you disobey?”
Child: “Spank me?”
Father: “That’s right. I must spank you. If I don’t, then I would
be disobeying God. You and I would both be wrong. That would not
be good for you or for me, would it?”
Child: “No.” [a reluctant reply]
What is this dialog communicating to the child? You are not

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spanking him because you are mean. You are not trying to force him
to submit to you only because you hate insolence. You are not mad at
him. You, like him, are under God’s rule and authority. God has
called you to a task you cannot shirk or shrug off. You are acting
under God’s rule. You are requiring obedience because God says you
must.
Confidence to Act
There is tremendous freedom here for a parent. When you direct,
correct, or discipline, you are not acting out of your own will; you are
acting on behalf of God. You don’t have to wonder if it is okay for
you to be in charge. You certainly do not need your child’s
permission. God has given you a duty to perform; therefore the
endorsement of your child is not necessary.
A Mandate to Act
Understanding that you are God’s agent as a parent deals not only
with the right to act—it also provides the mandate to act. You have no
choice. You must engage your children. You are acting in obedience
to God. It is your duty.
To illustrate, the state of Pennsylvania, where I live, requires
schools to report any case of suspected child abuse. This law does not
simply provide the right to report abuse. It requires that abuse be
reported. The school official has no discretionary right to decide
whether to report child abuse. The law requires it. In the same way,
the fact that you are called by God to be an authority in the training of
your children not only gives you the right, but also the responsibility,
to train.
As a school administrator, I observe that most parents do not
understand the appropriateness and necessity of being in charge in
their child’s life. Rather, parents take the role of adviser. Few are
willing to say, for instance, “I have prepared oatmeal for your
breakfast. It is a good, nutritious food and I want you to eat it. Maybe

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other mornings we will have something you like better.” Many are
saying, “What do you want for breakfast? You don’t want the oatmeal
I have prepared; would you like something else?” This sounds very
nice and enlightened, but what is really happening? The child is
learning that he is the decision maker. The parent only suggests the
options.
This scenario is repeated in the experience of young children in
clothing choices, schedule choices, free-time choices and so forth. By
the time the child is six or eight or ten, he is his own boss. By age
thirteen the child is out of control. Parents can cajole, plead, urge (in
frustration and anger), scream and threaten, but the child is his own
boss. The parent has long since given up the decision-making
prerogative in the child’s life. How did it happen? It crept in at a very
early age as the parent made every decision a smorgasbord of choices
for the child to decide.
Some may argue, “Children only learn to be decision makers as
parents allow them to make decisions. We want children to learn to
make sound decisions.” This misses the most important issue.
Children will be good decision makers as they observe faithful
parents modeling and instructing wise direction and decision making
on their behalf.
Preliminary even to decision making is the importance for
children to be under authority. Teach your children that God loves
them so much that he gave them parents to be kind authorities to
teach and lead them. Children learn to be wise decision makers by
learning from you.
Parents must be willing to be in charge. You should do this with a
benevolent and gracious manner, but you must be an authority for
your children.