Shepherding a Child's Heart

Well Behaved Children
What about the earlier example of raising well behaved children?
You cannot use Miss Manners’ approach because it is simply an
elaborate means of pleasant social manipulation. In a biblical vision,
manners are an expression and application of the duty of loving my
neighbor as myself. It is a matter of teaching children to imitate the
Lord Jesus’ self-giving as set forth in Philippians 2.

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When saying “please” and “thank you” are rooted in what it means
to look out for the interests of others, they become expressions of
biblical love. Waiting to eat until all are served is not just an empty
social convention; it is a way of showing consideration for those
around you. Good behavior must be rooted in those rare qualities that
the Apostle Paul saw in Timothy: “I have no one else like him, who
takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for
his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 2:20–21).
Good Education
What about academic goals? Parents typically pressure their
children to get good grades. Are good grades a biblical objective?
What scripture passages would support this objective? Then parents
may add to the unbiblical objective some unbiblical incentives. “I’ll
pay you one dollar for every ‘A’ you get on a test.” Or perhaps
parents say, “If you work hard, you will be able to get a good job and
earn lots of money when you grow up.” A biblical objective? Hardly!
Proverbs 23:4 says the opposite: “Do not wear yourself out to get
rich.”
I am not denying in any sense that those who are faithful will be
richly rewarded. Of course that is true, but one cannot work simply
for that reward as his goal.
In contrast, there should be no pressure for good grades at all.
Grades are unimportant. Some children can achieve “A’s” without
any diligent effort. Others struggle for a good solid “C”. What is
important is that your child learn to do his work diligently for God.
God has promised that he will reward the faithful. Knowing that gifts
and abilities are a stewardship from the Lord, your child’s objective
should be faithfulness. You need to train your child to find in Christ
the strength and power to work for God’s glory. Anything else is
training him to think and act unbiblically.