Shepherding a Child's Heart

Application Questions for Chapter 6
These questions are the same ones we thought about at the end of
chapter 5. How has your understanding of these issues been changed
by the Word of God?
1. How do you define success? How would your child complete
this sentence? “What Mom and Dad want for me is … ”
2.
You are pushed and pulled by the things listed under
unbiblical goals. Which of these unbiblical goals influences your
parenting the most adversely?
3. Remember, you are a shaping influence for your children.
What makes you tick? What would you say drives you day by day?
What do you fear, love, feel anxious about? What are the values
taught in your home?
4. Like Old Testament Israel, you are affected by the culture
around you. How has the culture impacted your view of children and
your goals for your children?
5. Are you in tune with the idea of living for the glory of God?
Does that thought pulsate for you, or is it a bland religious idea?
6. What are the subtle ways you are tempted to teach your
children to function in the society on its terms?
7.
What mixed signals do you send to your children?
Examples:
1. “Doing your best is all that matters to me” vs. “I don’t
want to see any more C’s on your report card.”
2. “Life does not consist in the abundance of possessions”
vs. “Wait till you see what I got for you!”
8. True spiritual shepherding is a matter of nurture, not just

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energy spent getting your children saved. How will this affect what
you do with them?
9.
Are the spoken and unspoken rules of your family life
consistent with true spirituality—living for the glory of God?

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Chapter7
Discarding Unbiblical Methods
A little girl caught my eye. She was a beautiful child. Every detail
of her clothing and grooming spoke of wealth. She and her mother,
like me, were waiting for a flight.
This child’s beauty was external, for she was demanding and
petulant. It was apparent that her mother, weary from traveling, was
about to assert her authority.
The child whined on, demanding this and that, refusing to be
pacified. Her mother tried to settle her. The child was implacable.
Then it happened.
Exasperated, her mother finally turned on her. “I am sick of you,”
she said. “I hate you. Go away. Find someone else to yell at. I don’t
want you. I can’t stand you. Get out of my sight,” she gestured.
With that, she picked up her things and moved away from her
daughter.
The little girl might have been able to hold out against this power
play in normal circumstances, but here, in a strange airport, she felt
frightened.
She moved toward her mother, “I’m sorry, Mommy. I love you,
Mommy.”
“Go away. I don’t know you … ”
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” this time in desperation.
“Go away. I hate you … ”
The airline called my flight. When I last saw them, the little girl
was still pleading and the mother was lecturing and scolding.

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Viewed from one perspective, some might say this is successful
parenting. This mother was confronted with a demanding,
unreasonable child. She was able within a few minutes to change her
daughter’s behavior. From another perspective, all would agree that
the mother’s method was wrong. While she was able to change her
daughter’s behavior, she did so at a powerful cost. The cure was
worse than the disease.
We cannot be indifferent to methodology. Biblically, the method
is as important as the objectives. God speaks to both issues. He is
concerned not only with what we do, but also with how we do it.
Our culture does not provide us with biblical models. Here, as in
the area of goals, we must identify and reject the non-biblical
approaches that vie for our attention. Biblical goals require a biblical
approach—only godly methodology will bring glory to God.