Shepherding a Child's Heart

Punitive Correction
Some parents utilize a punitive approach. These parents use the
threat of punishment to control their children. There are many
variations on this theme. The punishment may be being hit or yelled
at. The punishment may be simple privation of something that the
child desires. The attempt is to keep the child under control through
the negative experience of punishment. I am not decrying a biblical
use of the rod, but rather an impulsive response of angry frustration.
Grounding is perhaps the most popular form of privation. Children
are grounded from their bikes, the phone, from going outside, from
the TV, from other children, or even other family members. As I
write, I am aware of a 10-year-old who has been grounded to his room
for several weeks. He may only leave his room to go to school, or to
eat, or to go to the bathroom.
The problem here is that none of the issues that caused the poor
behavior for which he is grounded are being addressed. I asked his
folks what they thought grounding was doing for him. They looked at
me with blank stares. You see, grounding is not designed to do
something for the child; it is designed to do something against him.
Grounding is not corrective. It is simply punitive. It does not
biblically address the issues of the heart that were reflected in the
child’s wrong behavior. It simply punishes for a specified period of
time. Nothing my young friend needs to know is being learned. He is
learning to cope with grounding, but his character flaws are not
addressed. He is not learning to understand the deceitfulness of his
heart. He is not learning God’s ways. He is not being taken to Christ,

---

who can enable a 10-year-old to know how to serve God.
I have often wondered why grounding is so universally popular. I
believe it is because it is easy. It doesn’t require on-going interaction.
It does not require on-going discussion. It does not assess what is
going on inside the child. It does not require patient instruction and
entreaty.
Grounding is quick, incisive, simple. “You’re grounded for a
month. Go to your room.”
Perhaps parents just don’t know anything more constructive to do.
They feel frustrated. They realize that something is wrong with their
child. They don’t know how to get to it. They feel they need to
respond in some way.
One thing is for sure. Grounding does not address the issues of the
heart in a biblical way. The heart is being addressed, but it is
addressed wrongly. The child will learn to cope with the grounding,
but may never learn the things that a godly parent desires for him to
learn. My 10-year-old friend is rather philosophical about it.
“It’s not too bad,” he said to me, “I can play and watch TV in my
room. If I don’t let it bother me, it isn’t that bad.” He has learned to
live under house arrest.