Shepherding a Child's Heart

Entreaty
This is communication that is earnest and intense. It involves
pleading, soliciting, urging, and even begging. It is not, however, the
begging of a beggar. It is rather the earnest pleading of a father or
mother who, understanding his child, the ways of God, and the

---

extremity of the moment, is willing to bare his soul in earnest
pleading for his child to act in wisdom and faith. It is a special kind of
communication that is reserved for use in cases of great import.
We get insight into entreaty in the Proverbs 23 passage quoted
above. One cannot help hearing the earnest entreaty behind the words
of Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me your heart … ”
I have used this kind of communication in talking to my boys
about the importance of avoiding sexual sins such as pornography. On
scores of occasions I have entreated them about the danger of opening
themselves to impurity. I have spoken about how sexual sin
denigrates the image of God and fails to preserve his name as holy
and glorious. I have warned that a life of sexual maladjustment is a
high price to pay for fleeting moments of titillation. I have mixed my
entreaty with encouragement that the joys of biblical sex within
marriage are beautiful beyond description. (You will find a primer for
this speech in Proverbs 5–7.) Obviously, I have not had conversations
like this every day, but periodic entreaty about such important issues
bears good fruit.
Instruction
Instruction is the process of providing a lesson, a precept, or
information that will help your children to understand their world. As
a parent, you are dealing with young people who have large gaps in
their understanding of life. They need information about themselves
and others. They need to understand the world of spiritual reality and
the principles of the Kingdom of God.
Your children need a framework in which they can understand
life. King Solomon’s Proverbs are a rich source of information about
life. The child who begins to understand the Proverbs’
characterization of the fool, the sluggard, the wise man, the mocker,
and so forth will develop discernment about life.
I was amazed to see my children interact with their high school

---

experience with a depth of insight and perception I never knew while
in high school. They have been able to evaluate their responses in
ways I could not until my mid-20s. The reason? Instruction in the
ways of God has given them biblical wisdom. This is what Psalm 119
is talking about:
Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts (119:98–100).
I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path (119:104).
Warning
Your children’s lives are fraught with danger. Warnings put us on
guard regarding a probable danger. A warning is merciful speech, for
it is the equivalent of posting a sign informing motorists about a
bridge that is out. A warning faithfully alerts us to danger while there
is still time to escape unharmed. An alert parent can enable his child
both to escape danger and learn in the process. Warning preserves.
The following proverbs contain warnings for the wise and
discerning:
12:24 “ … laziness ends in slave labor.”
13:18 “He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame.”
14:23 “ … mere talk leads only to poverty.”
15:1 “ … a harsh word stirs up anger.”

---

16:18 “Pride goes before destruction … ”
17:19 “ … he who builds a high gate invites destruction.”
19:15 “ … the shiftless man goes hungry.”
This is only a suggestive list of warnings from Proverbs.
One of the most powerful ways we can warn our children is to fill
their heads with the cautions of the Bible.
How do the warnings work? A warning is simply a statement that
A leads to B. For example, laziness leads to slavery. The person who
is lazy will end up in some form of servitude. The warning is an
application of the sowing and reaping principle that we find operative
throughout Scripture. Warning your children is not a matter of yelling
some pithy saying at them when they are leaving the house to go
somewhere. It is acquainting them with the sowing-and-reaping
principle found throughout Scripture. It is spending time helping
them understand the many A-leads-to-B statements of Scripture.
Eventually, they will begin to understand and embrace these
things. Once your children begin to internalize such truths, their
attitudes and behaviors are powerfully influenced.
Our daughter’s early school years were spent homeschooling and
in a small Christian school, but she later attended a public high
school. When we dropped her off at the school for the first day we had
a lump in our throats. As we watched her pass through the doors into
this large school, we knew that she would feel alone.
As the days went by, it was the warnings and encouragements of
the Proverbs that enabled her to form good friendships. The Proverbs
warn (14:7) about fools and instruct us to stay away from them. They
also identify a fool. A fool shows his annoyance at once (12:16).
Whoever spreads slander is a fool (10:18). These and many other
warnings gave her the basis for wise discrimination in forming
friendships. Though she had never been in a large school, the
Scriptures prepared her for making wise choices.

---

How does that process work out in practice? There were
conversations like this:
Tina: Hi, you’re the new girl aren’t you? What’s your name?
Heather: Heather.
Tina: Hi, I’m Tina. Come and eat lunch with me. I’ll tell you
all about this school.
Heather: Oh, okay.
Tina:
Do you see this girl coming with the tray? She is
Christine. She’s real popular. She thinks she’s great
because she has nice clothes and her boy-friend is a
football player. I can’t stand her … Oher … Oh, hi,
Christine. This is my friend Heather.
What is Heather learning? Tina is a slanderer. While she has
broken the ice with Heather, she is not someone whom Heather can
trust. Insight from Proverbs has prepared Heather to make a
discerning evaluation of this girl. The warnings she has received and
internalized as part of her value system have given her discernment.