Shepherding a Child's Heart

Family Values
Another arrow denotes family values. What is important to the
parents? What is worth a fuss and what passes without notice? Are
people more important than things? Do parents get more stressed over
a hole in the school pants or a fight between schoolmates? What
philosophies and ideas has the child heard? Are children to be seen
and not heard in this home? What are the spoken and unspoken rules
of family life? Where does God fit into family life? Is life organized
around knowing and loving God or is the family in a different orbit
than that? “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and
deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the
basic principles of this world rather than on Christ” (Colossians 2:8).
The question you must ask is this: Are the values of your home based
on human tradition and the basic principles of this world or on Christ?
I recently asked a young lad of ten what would get him into the
most trouble, breaking a valuable vase or disobeying his parents’

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clear directive. Without a moment of hesitation, he said it would be
far worse to break a cherished vase. This lad has learned the values of
the home. He perceives an unspoken value that says prized vases are
of greater concern to his parents than disobedient boys. These values
are based on hollow and deceptive philosophies.
There are other aspects of family values. What are the boundaries
within the family? Where are the secrets kept and when are they told?
Are relationships with neighbors instinctively open or closed? How
high are the walls around the family? Where can those walls be
penetrated? Some families would never tell their relatives their
problems but would freely disclose everything to a neighbor. Others
would call a brother for help, but never a neighbor who is nearby
(unlike the counsel in Proverbs 27:10). Some children grow up never
knowing how much money Dad earns, while others know the
checkbook balance on any given day. Some parents keep secrets from
their children. Some children share secrets but not with their parents.
Sometimes Mother and the children have secrets from Dad.
Sometimes Dad and the children have secrets from Mom. Every
family has established family boundaries. They may not be spoken or
thought through, but they exist.
Family Roles
Within the family structure there are roles that each family
member plays. Some fathers are involved in every aspect of family
life. Others are busy and distanced from family activities. Subtle
things like who pays the bills or who makes family appointments say
much about family roles. Children have roles within the family, too. I
know one home in which the children are required to put their father’s
socks and shoes on him because he is obese and finds it
uncomfortable. By the cruel and harsh way he requires this service, he
makes powerful shaping statements about their place in family life.