Shepherding a Child's Heart

The “When” of Spanking
When does a child need a spanking? When you have given a
directive that he has heard and is within his capacity to understand,
and he has not obeyed without challenge, without excuse or without
delay, he needs a spanking. If you fail to spank, you fail to take God’s
Word seriously. You are saying you do not believe what the Bible

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teaches about the import of these issues. You are saying that you do
not love your child enough to do the painful things that God has
called you to.
The “when” of spanking is so simple that parents miss it. If your
child has not obeyed, he needs to be spanked. If he has failed to
respond to your direction, he has moved out of the circle of safety.
If obedience is to be absolutely mandatory for him, you cannot
ignore or overlook disobedience. If disobedience is okay sometimes,
then why not at all times?
Failure to be consistent is capricious. Inconsistency means that
correction revolves around your convenience rather than around
objective biblical principle. While they are still young, you must
teach your children that obedience is a necessity, not one of many
options.
If you accept challenge, delay, or excuses, you are not training in
submission. You are, rather, training your children how to manipulate
authorities and live on the ragged edge of disobedience. You teach
them to toss you an occasional bone of obedience to keep you at bay.
You must not warn. You must not ask if they want to be spanked.
If you do, you are training them to wait for the warning before they
obey. Your children must understand that when you speak for the first
time, you have spoken for the last time.
Sometimes, the challenge to God’s authority (mediated through
you as his agent) is not just failure to obey. Sometimes it is verbal.
Perhaps the child says “No” to your request. Perhaps you receive a
whining “Why?” Perhaps you receive a look of disgust and disdain.
Whatever form it takes, rebellion must be challenged. Remember, the
issue at stake is your child’s good. Your disobedient child has moved
out of the context of blessing—submission to parental authority.
We could think of it like this. The child who is disobedient is
living as a fool. “The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’” The
fool is one who says, “I refuse to acknowledge that there is a God, to

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whom I am accountable.” Such a stance is pure folly, from which you
must rescue your child with all due haste.