Shepherding a Child's Heart

Interpreting Behavior in Character Terms
We have a couple of problems in thinking clearly about character.
One is a failure to see the issues mentioned above. This failure results
in not even striving for long-term character development goals. The
other pitfall is an inability to work from behavior to the appropriate
character issues. This results in seeing only isolated bits of behavior.
The result, again, is failure to address long-term character goals.
Parents tend to see their children’s behavior in very naive terms.
We see the fight over a toy as simply a fight over a toy, when actually
it is a failure to prefer others. It is selfishness. It is saying to others, “I
don’t care about what your wishes are; I want to have what I want.” It
is a determination to live in the world in a way that exploits every
opportunity to serve oneself.
I am not suggesting that this analysis be delivered to your children
in the form of a diatribe, but it must be your insight as you seek to
shepherd them and help them to see themselves and their needs.
Do you tend to see your children’s greedy “I wants” as the idolatry
of possessions? Or do you think that it is simply natural—something

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that will be outgrown? If so, you will fail to help your children
grapple with spiritual reality. You will never confront the sinful
tendency to find meaning and significance in things. Life does not
consist in the abundance of possessions.
Suzie was having a birthday. Anticipating all the money she would
get from aunts and uncles, she had begun to plan what she would buy.
She was already becoming happy in anticipation of her new things.
She was planning whom she would show her new things to and
imagining what they would say.
Suzie’s parents were concerned that she learn to be thankful for
God’s bounty. Wisely and gently, they began to address these things.
They started by talking about how much she would enjoy the new
things she anticipated. Then they began to recall with her how each
new thing brings a temporary joy. Suzie could remember times when
she had gotten new things that seemed to bring such joy. Together,
they observed that while we can be thankful for new things, they
quickly lose their luster. They made a list of all the things that Suzie
had once been happy to have. Soon, they had such a long list that it
was a natural time to stop and pray, giving thanks to God for all he
had given. They gently shepherded her heart away from pride in
possessions to a more biblical and realistic view of God’s blessings.