The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

part-time job any way I desire.
Bill’s list looked like this:
She makes the beds every day.
She vacuums the house every week.
She gets the kids off to school every morning

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with a good breakfast.
She cooks dinner about three days a week.
She buys the groceries.
She helps the children with their homework.
She transports the children to school and church
activities.
She teaches first grade Sunday school.
She takes my clothes to the cleaners.
She does the washing and some ironing.
I suggested that they add to the lists things they
noticed in the weeks ahead. I also suggested that twice a
week, they select one positive trait and express verbal
appreciation for it to the spouse. I gave one further
guideline. I told Betty Jo that if Bill happened to give her a
compliment, she was not to give him a compliment at the
same time but rather, she should simply receive it and say,
“Thank you for saying that.” I told Bill the same thing. I
encouraged them to do that every week for two months,
and if they found it helpful, they could continue. If the
experiment did not help the emotional climate of the

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marriage, then they could write it off as another failed
attempt.
The next day, I got on the plane and returned home. I
made a note to call Bill and Betty Jo two months later to
see what had happened. When I called them in mid-
summer, I asked to speak to each of them individually. I
was amazed to find that Bill’s attitude had taken a giant
step forward. He had guessed that I had given Betty Jo the
same advice I had given him, but that was all right. He loved
it. She was expressing appreciation for his hard work and
his provision for the family. “She has actually made me feel
like a man again. We’ve got a ways to go, Dr. Chapman,
but I really believe we are on the road.”
When I talked to Betty Jo, however, I found that she
had only taken a baby step forward. She said, “It has
improved some, Dr. Chapman. Bill is giving me verbal
compliments as you suggested, and I guess he is sincere.
But, Dr. Chapman, he’s still not spending any time with me.
He is still so busy at work that we never have time
together.”
As I listened to Betty Jo, the lights came on. I knew that
I had made a significant discovery. The love language of
one person is not necessarily the love language of another.
It was obvious that Bill’s primary love language was Words
of Affirmation. He was a hard worker, and he enjoyed his
work, but what he wanted most from his wife was
expressions of appreciation for his work. That pattern was
probably set in childhood, and the need for verbal

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affirmation was no less important in his adult life. Betty Jo,
on the other hand, was emotionally crying out for something
else. Positive words were fine, but her deep emotional
longing is for something else. That brings us to love
language number two.
NOTES
1. Proverbs 18:21.
2. Proverbs 12:25.

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If your spouse’s love language is