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Green-Light Skill #3: Teach Patience
Teaching patience is another phenomenal parenting skill that’s worth its
weight in gold. Patient toddlers are more reasonable, less impulsive, and
slower to go on the rampage when they don’t get their way.
Patience is like a muscle … it gets stronger with exercise. It actually
strengthens the left half of the brain and speeds its development! Also, as
you’ll see in the next chapter, teaching patience is a great tool for
eliminating annoying behaviors, like whining and nagging. Practice
these skills every day and you’ll be astounded at the rapid improvements
you’ll see.
Here are two surefire ways to boost your toddler’s self-control:
• patience-stretching
• magic breathing
Teaching Patience: Patience-Stretching
All kids start out impulsive. But, amazingly, you can s-t-r-e-t-c-h your
toddler’s patience in just days … if you do it right.
What It Is:
Patience-stretching is a superfast way to help grabby tots
learn to be patient by expecting them to wait a teensy, tiny bit … then a
bit more … and then even more.
Believe it or not, most parents teach patience in exactly the opposite
way from the method that works the best. For example, say you’re busy

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and your two-year-old pulls at your skirt for attention. Most of us
lovingly respond, “Just a second, sweetheart,” and finish what we’re
doing. Trouble is, this often makes your child bug you even more!
Best Used For:
All toddlers (even under one year of age).
How to Do It:
Very important: To teach patience-stretching you must
have something your child wants (food, a toy, etc.). Once you have that,
follow these simple steps:
• First, almost give her what she wants. Let’s say your one-year-
old interrupts you, asking for juice. Stop what you’re doing and
repeat back, “Juice! You want juice!” Start to hand her the
juice … BUT … then suddenly hold up one finger and exclaim,
“Wait! Wait! Just one second!” as if you just remembered
something important. Turn away and pretend to look for
something.
• Next, the “payoff.” After just a few seconds, turn back and
immediately give your child the juice, praising her, saying,
“Good waiting! Good waiting!” Quickly rewarding your child’s
patience teaches her that waiting isn’t so bad and that Mommy
always keeps her word.
Little by little, stretch the waiting time more and more (5
seconds, then 10 … 30 … 60, etc.). If you practice this every
day, your child will be able to wait a minute or two (or more)
within a week. Patience-stretching will build your tot’s self-
control … one baby step at a time.
Timers help older toddlers practice patience. During a calm
period, show your toddler how the timer works: “See! And when
Mr. Dinger says ding! (make it chime) then Mommy comes back
fast!”
Later, when your three-year-old starts bugging you for
something, say, “Sure!” and almost give it to him, but then
suddenly announce, “Wait, wait! Just one second, sweetheart! I
have to go see Daddy. As soon as Mr. Dinger rings I can give you

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the ____!” (You might suggest that your child play or look at a
book until the timer dings, but don’t insist on it.)
Initially, set the timer for twenty seconds. When it rings, come
right back, give your child a little praise (“Hey, good waiting!”)
and a check on the hand, and immediately keep your promise.
Gradually increase the waiting period to a minute or two. But
every once in a while surprise him by: 1) setting the timer for
just ten seconds (he’ll think, Wow, that minute goes by really fast).
2) Giving a double reward (“Hey, you waited so well … here are
TWO cookies!”).
He’ll think, Wow, waiting is cool.… Sometimes I even get more than
I expected!
Later in the day, gossip to his teddy bear about his “great
waiting” and at bedtime, remind him what a good job he did
being patient that day.