The Happiest Baby on the Block and The Happiest Toddler on the Block 2-Book Bundle pdfdrive com

Past Perfect: Lessons from the !Kung San
For hundreds if not thousands of years, the !Kung San (or African
bushmen) have lived in isolation on the plains of the Kalahari Desert.
Over the past forty years, however, the !Kung have graciously allowed
scientists to observe their lives, including how they care for babies.
I’ve read reports of their newborn care with great interest because
!Kung infants hardly ever cry. It’s not that they never cry—it’s that they
never CRY! (And I know you understand that distinction.) While !Kung
infants get upset as often as our babies do, their parents are so skilled at
soothing them that the average fussy bout lasts only sixteen seconds, and
more than ninety percent of their crying jags end in under a minute.
What’s their secret? What ancient wisdom do the !Kung know that our
culture has forgotten? I believe three facts account for much of this
tribe’s stunning success:

---

• !Kung mothers hold their babies almost twenty-four hours a day.
• !Kung mothers breast-feed their babies around the clock.
• !Kung parents usually respond to their babies’ cries within ten
seconds.
!Kung mothers carry their babies all day long in a leather sling and
sleep next to them at night. This closeness makes it easy to soothe any
fussiness the instant it starts.
In addition to holding and cuddling, the !Kung calm their babies by
giving them quick little feedings on the breast—up to one hundred times
a day! We in the West might think such snacking would spoil a baby, but
that’s not the case. Despite the lavish and immediate attention paid to
their crying, !Kung children grow up to be happy, independent, and self-
sufficient.
Now, don’t worry. I’m not suggesting we adopt all the !Kung ways;
they clearly don’t fit our busy lives. However, I am suggesting that we
study these highly successful parents to learn which of their solutions
could be easily adopted by Western moms and dads.
I believe the biggest secret the !Kung know is that all their baby
soothing methods share a common thread: They imitate the uterus and
provide babies the comfort of the fourth trimester.
Compared to our infants, !Kung babies may be deprived of many
material possessions, but compared to the !Kung, our babies are
deprived of an important “maternal” possession—long hours of being in
our arms. While !Kung mothers are with their infants almost nonstop,
studies in the United States show that we leave our young babies alone
for up to sixteen hours a day. I’m afraid that for many newborns, this
abrupt transfer from cozy womb to empty room ends up making them
terribly upset.
For the first few months of life, we need to treat our babies the way
our ancient ancestors treated theirs thousands of years ago, with the
reassuring rhythms of the fourth trimester. In other words, we should no
longer mistake our newborns for little horses. Rather, we should treat
them like little kangaroos! Kangaroos “know” their babies need a few
more months of TLC before they’re ready to get hoppin’, so they
welcome them into the pouch the moment they’re born. Likewise, we

---

need to offer our sweet newborns “pouches” of prolonged holding,
rocking, shushing, and warmth. If you do this you’ll be amazed. Once
you master the skill of imitating the womb, you’ll be able to do exactly
what !Kung moms do: settle your baby’s cries in minutes!