The Little Book of Yes: How to Win Friends, Boost Your Confidence and Persuade Others

ON CONVERSING
Next time you are on a plane, a bus or at conference and the
person next to you isn’t looking down at their phone or
otherwise occupied, try saying ‘hello’.
Practise ‘introducing yourself’ in front of a mirror – remember
eye contact and a genuine smile.
When dining with friends, encourage more conversation by
agreeing to place mobile phones in the centre of the table.
Whoever looks at their phone first (a sign that a Facebook

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update or tweet is more important than the people at the table)
pays for dinner!

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11
HUMANISING
When it comes to persuading audiences, stories trump facts
and humanity beats statistics
The India–Pakistan partition in the summer of 1947 tore friends, families
and communities apart overnight. For a young boy named Baldev, this
signalled no more flying kites with his friend Yusuf. Baldev would be
moving far away from Lahore with little hope of ever seeing his friend
again.
Sixty-six years later, Baldev sits with his granddaughter in one of India’s
cafés, looking through an old scrapbook crammed full of faded photographs
of his childhood and his long-lost friend.
Looking at the old man, his granddaughter decides that she is going to
find Yusuf. Her tenacity and persistence, coupled with some ingenious
online investigation, leads her to discover that Yusuf has a grandson. She
makes contact and, together, they hatch their plan.
Hearing a knock at the door, Baldev answers. He does not immediately
recognise his friend. ‘Happy birthday, my old friend,’ answers a familiar
voice, triggering a powerful embrace fuelled by six decades of separation.
The resourceful grandchildren look on, tears in eyes, as they witness the
emotional reunion of old friends divided by borders but united by humanity.
This is a heart-warming anecdote about an otherwise tragic period of
Indian–Pakistani history. But it is also something else. It is a scene-by-scene
description of a Google ad that positions its search engine as the channel for
discovery and connection. Rather than use facts and statistics to get across
their message, Google exploited a fundamental truth that persuasion
scientists and ad-men have known for decades. When it comes to
persuading audiences, stories trump facts and humanity beats statistics.

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The persuasive impact of humanising is evident in domains far beyond
advertising. Smart politicians craft ‘stories’ for their campaigns. They
recognise that it’s far easier to connect voters to their policy ideas through
the story of, say, a single mother pushed into poverty, than communicate
their detailed plans to tackle benefit reform. The very best teachers are
recognised as storytellers first, educators second. From political speeches to
TED talks, successful persuaders understand that the provision of
information and facts rarely moves an audience. But stories about people
do. The humanising of a message or proposal can frequently crowd out any
amount of objective information and data. This is the case even when you
would expect an audience to be especially receptive to information and
data.
Take medicine, for example, a career in which practitioners pride
themselves on being well-informed and objective, with the noble goal of
providing their patients with access to the same medical treatments and
levels of care regardless of condition, status or social class. But people can
become dulled by their jobs – even doctors or consultants. What if doctors
were reminded that the data they study relates to real people?
A rather unusual medical study investigated this very question. Would
doctors become more ‘caring’, that is, would they conduct a more thorough
analysis of a patient’s condition, order more tests and detect more
abnormalities, if a patient’s photograph was simply attached to an X-ray or
CT scan compared to when it wasn’t? By all accounts the answer is yes.
And by a significant amount. Another demonstration of the persuasive
power that comes from humanising information.
So why does the humanisation of a message change our attitudes, beliefs
and reaction to it? Why do we so often become putty in the hands of an
accomplished storyteller? Psychologists argue that when we are exposed to
arguments based on logic and fact it is easier to be naturally dubious and
critical about what is being said. But humanising messages radically alters
the way information is processed. Stories transport audiences, allowing
them to form connections with the people in the narrative and,
subsequently, to become more receptive to the claims of the underlying
message. In fact, humanising messages and appeals can overwhelm
audiences to the extent that their ability to detect inaccuracies and missteps
in what is presented is often reduced. It seems that in addition to becoming
emotionally moved we can also become intellectually defenceless.

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When persuading others, the lesson is clear. Attempting to influence and
persuade through the use of a dispassionate presentation of data, costs and
benefits goes against the grain of our emotional state. So when making a
case, don’t just talk in terms of cold hard facts. Talk in terms of warmer,
softer human stories too. Why should your boss care about that new
initiative you are proposing? How will it change the world or affect lives?
How will people feel when it is completed?
The route to persuading one mind, your entire office, your family or the
whole world, invariably, it would seem, is a human one.