The Mountain Is You

Part of the reason we often experience intense inner conflict or self-
sabotage is because of something called a core commitments, which is
essentially your primary objective or intention for your life.5
Your subconscious commitments are basically what you want more than
anything else, and you often aren’t even aware of them. You can identify
your core commitments by looking at the things that you struggle with most
and the things you are most driven by. If you can peel back the layers of
your motivations toward each, you’ll find a root cause. When you find the
same root cause for everything, you’ve found a core commitment.
People only seem irrational and unpredictable until you understand what
they are fundamentally committed to.

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For example, if someone has a core commitment to feel free, they may find
themselves sabotaging work opportunities in order to achieve that. If
someone’s core commitment is to feel wanted, they could find themselves
in a series of relationships in which they have intense
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connections but refuse to make commitments out of fear that the spark will
“fade.” If someone’s core commitment is to be in control of their lives, they
might have irrational anxiety about things that represent a loss of control. If
someone’s core commitment is to be loved by others, they might pretend to
be helpless in certain areas of life because if they don’t need others, they
might be left by them.
But the most important thing to understand is that your core commitments
are actually a cover-up for core needs.
Your core need is the opposite of your core commitment.
Your core need is also another way to identify your purpose. For example,
if your subconscious core commitment is to be in control, your core need is
trust. If your subconscious core commitment is to be needed, your core
need is to know you are wanted. If your subconscious core commitment is
to be loved by others, your need is self-love.
The less that you feed your core need, the
“louder” your core commitment symptoms
will be.
If you are a person who needs trust and is therefore committed to staying in
control, the less that you believe you are supported, the more your negative

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coping mechanisms are going to flare up. Perhaps this could happen in the
form of disruptive eating patterns, isolating yourself, or hyper-fixation on
physical appearance. If you are committed to freedom and therefore need a
sense of autonomy,
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the less that you build a life on your own terms, the more you are going to
sabotage opportunities and feel drained and exhausted when you “should”
feel happy.
The more you lean into fulfilling your core needs, the more your
commitment symptoms will disappear.
Once you understand what a person really wants, you will be able to
explain the intricacies of their habits and behaviors. You will be able to
predict down to the detail what they will do in any given situation. More
importantly, once you start asking yourself what you really want, you’ll be
able to stop battling the symptoms and start addressing the only issue that
has ever really existed in your life, which is living out of alignment with
your core needs and, therefore, your core purpose.
C O N F R O N T I N G R E P R E S S E D E M O T I O N S
A N D TA K I N G A C T I O N
There is a difference between understanding why we self-sabotage and the
act of no longer self-sabotaging.
This means that once we understand the root and purpose of the behavior,
we adjust it. We adapt. Overcoming self-sabotage is not just a matter of
understanding why you’re holding yourself back; it is being able to take

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action in the direction that you want and need to, even if it is initially
uncomfortable or triggering.
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This is a very important part of the process, because you are essentially
going to be confronting the exact emotions you have been trying to avoid.
When you stop engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, repressed emotions
that you weren’t even aware of will start to come up, and you might feel
even worse than you did before.
The thing about overcoming self-sabotage is that we don’t often need to be
told what to do. We know what we want to do, and we know what we need
to do. It is simply that we are being held back by our fear of feeling. To
begin to unravel this emotional holding pattern, we can work through the
following to find more ease and space and freedom while we change our
lives.
T H E M O S T C O M M O N E M O T I O N S
T H AT A R I S E W H I L E Y O U ’ R E B R E A K I N G
S E L F-S A B O TA G I N G B E H AV I O R S
The first feeling you are likely to confront is resistance.
This is that generalized sense of being “stuck” or your body feeling so tense
that it is almost “hard,” as though you are hitting a wall. This feeling is
usually a masking emotion that is preventing you from actually being aware
of the sensations beneath it which are more acute.
When you start to feel resistance, you don’t want to just

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“push through it.” In fact, trying to do that means you’ll
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keep hitting the same wall that you’re up against already.
You’re going to strengthen the self-sabotaging behavior because you aren’t
really solving the problem by just trying to override it.
Instead, start asking the right questions.