The Mountain Is You

Part of the reason we often experience intense inner con-
flict or self-sabotage is because of something called a core 
commitments, which is essentially your primary objective 
or intention for your life.
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Your subconscious commitments are basically what you 
want more than anything else, and you often aren’t even 
aware of them. You can identify your core commitments 
by looking at the things that you struggle with most and 
the things you are most driven by. If you can peel back the 
layers of your motivations toward each, you’ll find a root 
cause. When you find the same root cause for everything, 
you’ve found a core commitment.
People only seem irrational and unpredictable until you 
understand what they are fundamentally committed to.
For example, if someone has a core commitment to feel 
free, they may find themselves sabotaging work oppor-
tunities in order to achieve that. If someone’s core com-
mitment is to feel wanted, they could find themselves 
in a series of relationships in which they have intense 

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connections but refuse to make commitments out of fear 
that the spark will “fade.” If someone’s core commitment 
is to be in control of their lives, they might have irratio-
nal anxiety about things that represent a loss of control. If 
someone’s core commitment is to be loved by others, they 
might pretend to be helpless in certain areas of life be-
cause if they don’t need others, they might be left by them.
But the most important thing to understand is that your 
core commitments are actually a cover-up for core needs. 
Your core need is the opposite of your core commitment. 
Your core need is also another way to identify your pur-
pose. For example, if your subconscious core commitment 
is to be in control, your core need is trust. If your subcon-
scious core commitment is to be needed, your core need is 
to know you are wanted. If your subconscious core com-
mitment is to be loved by others, your need is self-love.
The less that you feed your core need, the 
“louder” your core commitment symptoms 
will be.
If you are a person who needs trust and is therefore com-
mitted to staying in control, the less that you believe you 
are supported, the more your negative coping mechanisms 
are going to flare up. Perhaps this could happen in the 
form of disruptive eating patterns, isolating yourself, or 
hyper-fixation on physical appearance. If you are commit-
ted to freedom and therefore need a sense of autonomy, 

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the less that you build a life on your own terms, the more 
you are going to sabotage opportunities and feel drained 
and exhausted when you “should” feel happy.
The more you lean into fulfilling your core needs, the more 
your commitment symptoms will disappear.
Once you understand what a person really wants, you 
will be able to explain the intricacies of their habits and 
behaviors. You will be able to predict down to the detail 
what they will do in any given situation. More important-
ly, once you start asking yourself what you really want, 
you’ll be able to stop battling the symptoms and start ad-
dressing the only issue that has ever really existed in your 
life, which is living out of alignment with your core needs 
and, therefore, your core purpose.
C O N F R O N T I N G R E P R E S S E D E M O T I O N S 
A N D TA K I N G A C T I O N 
There is a difference between understanding why we 
self-sabotage and the act of no longer self-sabotaging. 
This means that once we understand the root and pur-
pose of the behavior, we adjust it. We adapt. Overcoming 
self-sabotage is not just a matter of understanding why 
you’re holding yourself back; it is being able to take action 
in the direction that you want and need to, even if it is 
initially uncomfortable or triggering. 

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This is a very important part of the process, because you 
are essentially going to be confronting the exact emotions 
you have been trying to avoid. 
When you stop engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, re-
pressed emotions that you weren’t even aware of will start to 
come up, and you might feel even worse than you did before. 
The thing about overcoming self-sabotage is that we don’t 
often need to be told what to do. We know what we want 
to do, and we know what we need to do. It is simply that 
we are being held back by our fear of feeling. To begin 
to unravel this emotional holding pattern, we can work 
through the following to find more ease and space and 
freedom while we change our lives. 
T H E M O S T C O M M O N E M O T I O N S
T H AT A R I S E W H I L E Y O U ’ R E B R E A K I N G 
S E L F-S A B O TA G I N G B E H AV I O R S
The first feeling you are likely to confront is resistance. 
This is that generalized sense of being “stuck” or your body 
feeling so tense that it is almost “hard,” as though you are 
hitting a wall. This feeling is usually a masking emotion 
that is preventing you from actually being aware of the 
sensations beneath it which are more acute. 
When you start to feel resistance, you don’t want to just 
“push through it.” In fact, trying to do that means you’ll 

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keep hitting the same wall that you’re up against already. 
You’re going to strengthen the self-sabotaging behavior 
because you aren’t really solving the problem by just trying 
to override it.
Instead, start asking the right questions.