The night-walkers of Uganda

261

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‘What am I bid for the four-poster 
dog bed?’
Dan Glaister in Los Angeles
December 1, 2007
Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne are the most
famous husband and wife team of reality TV.
The documentary The Osbournes showed the
everyday lives of Ozzie, who was once a rock
singer in the band Black Sabbath, and Sharon,
who often appears on TV as a judge in music
competitions. The Osbournes also showed Ozzie
and Sharon spending a lot of money buying
different things for their three houses. Now they
have decided to sell some of their things at an
auction in California. People can see all the
items which are for sale in a guitar showroom in
Beverly Hills. The strangest item is probably the
dog bed.
The auction, called the Osbourne Collection, is
happening because Sharon’s wants to sell a lot
of their things. The Osbournes have so many
things and so little time, so some of it has to
go. Sharon is planning to give any money they
earn from the auction to a cancer charity. Ozzy,
however, is not very happy about the auction.
“We were planning to sell a lot more,” explains
Darren Julien from the auction company, “but
Ozzy really likes a lot of his things.”
Julien knows this because when he visited the
Osbournes’ house in Beverly Hills, Ozzy put
notices on the doors with polite messages such
as: “Auction people - Keep Out!” Ozzy is keeping
some of his favourite things, but there are still
many for sale.
People who watched the MTV show The 
Osbournes will recognize many of the things.
For example, there is the sofa where Ozzy used
to sit complaining about his remote control (the
auction company is inviting bids for the sofa at
$1,000–2,000) and the vegetable basket from
the Osbourne’s kitchen (a bargain, starting at
$100–200). There is also the actual coffee cup
Ozzy used to hold in his shaking hands as he
complained about all the modernity around him
(Mary Rose Young teacup and saucer, starting
price $200–400).
James Comisar is curator of the Commissar
Collection, the world’s biggest television
museum. He is standing in a reproduction of
Kelly Osbourne’s bedroom (Kelly is Ozzie and
Sharon’s daughter). “This is a combination of
celebrity and stupidity in bright pinks and pale
colours,” he says. Next to Kelly’s round bed there
are two pink and black bedside tables. Nearby
there is a large lime green plastic egg, and in the
corner is Kelly herself! Actually, it’s not Kelly but a
shop window model dressed up as Kelly, all pink,
punk and lime green.
But pink punk is not really why people will go to
the auction. They will go there to buy the gothic
things - the black velvet cushions covered in
crucifixes ($50–150 each), the big black Ozzy 
jumper, the limited edition Black Sabbath shoes
(never worn), the floor-length black satin coat 
(estimate $800–1,200).”I don’t care if that chair
came from Macy’s or the Queen,” says Comisar.
“Ozzy sat in it.”
There are all kinds of treasures in the collection.
Osbourne family light switches, for example,
each one carefully labelled – “Ozzy bathroom”
for example – and each one including several
lighting moods, from “romantic” to “panic”. In
a corner is Ozzy’s red Bentley, a present from
Sharon. Ozzy wants to sell it. He likes black, not
red. “He told me that he feels like he’s driving a
fire engine,” says Darren Julien.
Among the skulls, the crucifixes, the bible stands 
and the strange collection of old car horns, is
a four-poster dog bed, a gift for Minnie, the
Osbournes’ pet dog, from Sir Elton John. “This
shows just how crazy some celebrities are in
this country,” says Comisar, which is a surprising
thing for him to say because he spends his time
collecting TV knick-knacks. “A bed for a dog that
is the price of a small car! You wonder what they