Twisted Hate: An Enemies with Benefits Romance

Legally Blonde musical tickets and tore them into shreds, taking perverse
satisfaction in the confetti of destroyed paper fluttering into my trash can.
Next went the shirt I let her borrow the first night she slept over; the
receipt from Giorgio’s, which I’d kept as a stupid secret memento of our first
date, and the pillow with her scent lingering on it. Every little thing that
contained even the sparsest memory of us, destroyed and tossed.
By the time I finished, my room looked like how I felt: empty and
hollow.
Unable to stand the sight of the stripped room, I walked to the kitchen and
grabbed the nearest bottle of whiskey.
I would’ve been concerned about how much I’d been drinking lately if I
gave a shit about anything except drowning out Jules’s lingering presence. It
wasn’t like I was fucking blacking out every night.
I didn’t bother pouring the whiskey in a glass; I tipped my head back and
chugged straight from the bottle.
I don’t know how much I drank, nor did I care.
I just drank and drank until I sank into the darkness of oblivion and
thoughts of Jules finally faded from my mind.

---

47

---

JULES
R
EMEMBER
 
WHEN
 I 
SAID
 I 
FORGIVE
 
YOU
? I 
LIED
. 
I stumbled toward the metro, Josh’s words echoing in my brain like an
endless taunt.
Remember when I said I forgive you? I lied. 
When I said I forgive you? I lied.
Forgive you? I lied.
I lied.
I lied.
Tears blurred my vision, and I wasn’t sure if I was going in the right
direction, but I didn’t care. I just needed to get away.
From Josh’s cruel words, his cold eyes, and his vindictive touch.
From the knowledge that I’d fucked up and had no one to blame except
myself.
People said to have loved and lost was better than never having loved at
all.
They never said a damn thing about what it was like to have the person
you loved and lost look at you like they utterly loathed you. Josh had never
looked at me like that, not even when I thought he hated me.
I swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand, but it was like trying to
sweep water back into the ocean. Utterly futile.
I knew there was a chance Josh would react badly to the truth. I just
hadn’t expected him to react that badly.
The worst part was, he was right. I hadn’t trusted him to take my side
after learning the truth. I’d been so blinded by my insecurities, so terrified of
destroying one of the few beautiful things in my life, that I turned its

---

destruction into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Josh hadn’t cared about the sex tape or the stupid painting. He’d only
cared that I lied to him.
I was such a fucking idiot.
If you’d asked for the painting, I would’ve given it to you. I would’ve
given you anything you wanted.
Fresh needles of pain pierced my chest. My heart burned like someone
had raked it over hot coals, and I couldn’t drag enough air into my lungs.
Maybe it was because every breath hurt.
Every breath, every heartbeat, every blink. Normal bodily functions that
all just hurt.
Even my body hated me.
I wiped my face again as the metro came into view. I’d made it, sort of.
Six stops until I reached the station near my apartment, then a five-minute
walk to my building.
Six stops. Five minutes.
I could survive for that long.
“Get yourself together,” I hiccupped. “Before people call the cops on
you.”
I was already attracting a mix of alarmed and concerned looks from
passersby. Talking to myself probably didn’t help.
Luckily, the train arrived right as I entered the platform, so I didn’t have
to wait. I chose the emptiest car and curled up in the corner, watching the
dark tunnels rush by outside. My crazed reflection stared back at me from the
opposite window—hair wild, black tracks of mascara running down my face,
skin covered with blotches of bright red like I had a nasty case of hives.