How to be confident?

How to be confident?

Does it sometimes seem like everyone around you is confident and sure of themselves? Chances are, they have doubts just like you. So what’s the secret they’ve discovered about how to be confident? They know that confidence is not something you have, it’s something you create. Being confident is nothing more than a belief in yourself. It’s the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Confidence comes from within, and you can find ways to be more confident at any time.

That’s not to say learning how to be more confident will solve all your problems. Everyone has bad days or moments that upset them. Being confident also doesn’t mean you’re completely sure of yourself at all times. Creating confidence is not about knowing it all; it’s about trusting that no matter what happens in a particular situation, you’ll be able to handle it and learn from the outcome.
Confidence is a very tricky little thing. Feeling good about yourself is so easy to put at the will of others when it should only be up to you. The good news is that you're driving this self-assurance train and it's ready to depart from the station.
Look the part. If you know that you look like a confident, capable person, eventually you'll start to feel like a winner, too. You should dress how you feel best — not what you think confident is. Try these tricks:
Devote a little time each day to personal hygiene and making sure you're presenting yourself well. Shower daily, brush and floss your teeth, and groom your skin and hair.
Dress for confidence. You don't have to buy a whole new wardrobe to feel better in your clothes. As long as you're clean, comfortable, and feel good, you're set up for confidence! Remember, you look more confident when you are enjoying what you wear!
Be careful not to base your confidence on your outside appearance. Practice wearing clothes that make you feel unconfident for a whole day and try feeling confidence without basing it on appearance.
After all, you wouldn't wear a three-piece suit on a pizza delivery. If you think you look good, odds are you probably do.
Perfect your posture. How you carry yourself communicates a lot to other people, so make sure you're telling them that you're confident and in-charge. Keep your shoulders back, your spine straight, and your chin high. Walk with purpose instead of dragging your feet, and sit up straight. When you look like a confident person on the outside, you'll be approached as one by the world around you.
You won't only fool everyone else -- you'll fool yourself too. Recent research shows that the positioning of your body cues your mind to feel a certain way -- so positioning yourself confidently will make you genuinely feel in charge. And to top it off, having confident body language has been linked to lower levels of stress, too. [1]
Why is confidence is important?
Learning how to become more confident is important in every part of our life, but there are some instances where it is crucial, especially at times where you feel like giving up. If you are leader and in a position that requires being convincing and trustworthy, being confident is non-negotiable.
No one will follow a leader who appears unsure of themselves. Lack of confidence can seriously impact your ability to put together a winning team and guide them to achieving your shared goals.
Even if you are not in a leadership role, confidence is vital to being a team player in many situations – whether you are in a sales position or need to present a confident face during frequent client interactions. Being confident helps you make instant connections and build relationships that will help you and company succeed.
Knowing how to be confident in yourself is important beyond the workplace, too. Learning how to be more confident can help you attract a partner you can build healthy relationship with. It can also help you effectively handle conflict and seek out new opportunities that will foster your personal growth.
The principles of how to be confident
If you want to learn how to be more confident, you must be willing to change your state. Your state is essentially your mood at any given time of day. Your mood is influenced by how you feel about yourself at that point in time. The good news is you can change your state at any time – no matter what is going on around you – as long as you know how to do it. Here are three principles of confidence that anyone can use to their advantage – and some real-life examples to help you apply them in any area of your life.
Body language
Physiology is key when learning how to be confident and mastering the body language of confidence can put you on the path to success. Think about someone you know whom you consider extremely confident. When you first met them, you probably knew they were confident before they even started speaking. You knew they were self-assured because of the way they carried themselves and moved. They made eye contact, shook your hand firmly and stood up straight. Now do a quick inventory of your body. What is your posture like? How are you breathing? We all get in negative states, which can lead to slouching, shallow breathing or hanging your head. You have the power to change how you are feeling by controlling the way your bady moves and the way you present yourself.
Positivity
Thinking positive can manifest itself in several ways. First, change your focus – because “Where focus goes, energy flows. ” Instead of getting hung up on all the ways something could go wrong, focus on all the ways it could go right. Think about how you are going to nail your presentation and how pleased your coworkers will be to hear it. What you focus on within your own mind. Replace negative words with positive ones and start seeing the bright side of situations. By changing your focus, internally and externally, you are changing your state. And by changing your state, you will change your life.
A growth mindset
What do you think being confident entails? You may have some idea that confidence only stems from prior success – that you can only know how to be confident in yourself after you have become wildly successful. This sort of core belief severely limits you. Confidence does not come from your outward achievement – it comes from within. Being confident means that if you do fail, you can pick yourself back up and try again instead of throwing in the towel. Once you start taking actionable steps toward your goal of being confident, you beliefs will gradually start to solidify. It is time to adopt a growth mindset and start believing that you can learn how to be more confi How
How to be more confident?
What do those principles have in common? They are all about becoming the matters of your emotions. You must change your perspective and your mindset, and choose to be confident. They can sometimes be easier said that done – but there are specific act ions you can take that will help you apply these these principles to being confident.
Overcome your limiting beliefs
To truly learn how to be confident, you need to love yourself first. When you practice self-love, you will have confidence no matter what happens in life, because that confidence will come from within. Yet many people never learn how to fall in love with themselves and instead develop a lack of confidence early in life. They unconsciously adopt limiting belief about what they are capable of or what type of relationship they deserve. This leads to self – sabotage and reinforcement of these beliefs – and overcoming them is the first step to total confidence.
Determine what matters to you
Just as adjusting your body language can make you feel confident even when you are not, speaking up for yourself even when you do not feel you deserve it can also have that effect. Confident people may make more money in the workplace due to one straightforward reason: they take credit for their achieveent – and they do it when it matters most. If you made a contribution that accomplished a goal for the company or led to a positive outcome, it is not bragging to point it out to your manager or CEO – it is a fact. As long as you state it in a matter-of-fact way, it won’t just make you look good – it will make you feel good, too.

Assess your top human need

Another vital step toward knowing how to be confident in yourself is to determine what drives your decisions. We all have Six Human Needs: certainly, significance, variety, love, connection, growth and contribution. We value one of these needs more than the others, and it affects every decision we make in life. It can even affect our confidence.

If your top need is certainly, you may feel unsure in unfamiliar situations. If your top need is significance, you will start feeling insecure if you do not get the recognition you need.

How to Look and Appear Confident
Let’s start with your looks. And no, I don’t mean your clothes or your hair. This tip is all about your body language.

If you want to get dates, win business, and influence people, you have to prep your confidence both inside and out. Often, we’re focused only on the words we say in emails, in interviews or in conversation. However, the majority of our communication is nonverbal, the how we say something behind the what we say. Nonverbal communication makes up a minimum of 60 percent of our communication ability. So, if you only focus on your words, you are using only 40 percent of your ability. You have to get into the habit of portraying confidence with both your verbal and nonverbal communication.

When you walk into a networking event or your office or a restaurant, do you look like a winner?

This may seem like a strange question, but research from the University of British Columbia makes it clear: We innately get bigger in our bodies when we feel prideful, but get smaller in our bodies when we feel defeated or ashamed. These researchers observed sighted, blind and congenitally blind (blind since birth) athletes in various events of the Olympic and Paralympic Games. They found that expressions of pride (when an athlete won an event) and defeat (when an athlete lost an event) were the same across all three groups. This study proves that our nonverbal responses to pride and defeat aren’t expressions we learn from seeing others win or lose. Instead, they are responses that are coded within us.

To look and feel confident, your body language must show it.
First, the easiest way to look like a winner is to claim territory. Own your body and own the space around you by standing or sitting tall. Keep your arms loose by your side or place one or both hands on your hips. Relax your shoulders down your back and open your chest. These expansive postures will show others that you’re confident and sure of yourself. Be wary of low power postures, such as crossing your arms or turtling your shoulders to your ears as this may signal defeat.

Still not convinced? Research published in Health Psychology found that participants in a mock interview who sat up straight reported a better mood and higher self-esteem compared to their slouched counterparts.

From the study:
The upright participants reported feeling more enthusiastic, excited, and strong, while the slumped participants reported feeling more fearful, hostile, nervous, quiet, still, passive, dull, sleepy, and sluggish.
Next, the eyes have it! Confident people know the power of eye gazing. To increase your confidence, be sure to look people in the eye as you are speaking AND as they are speaking. Too often we look away, check our phone or scope out the rest of the room. This is not only rude, but very low confident.
Finally, engage in fronting. Fronting is when you aim your torso and toes toward the person you are speaking with. Nonverbally, this is a sign of respect. When you do this, you look incredibly focused, confident, put together and charismatic. Be sure to always keep your toes and torso aimed at the person you are speaking with.
Action Step: Practice claiming space, making eye contact and fronting in your next conversation.
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How to Speak Confidently
Now that you’ve learned how to look confident with your body language, let’s discuss your vocal power.
When you answer the phone and when you start a new conversation, it’s crucial that your voice projects your inner confidence. Often, we make our first impression in our “hello” upon answering the phone. Is your voice helping or hurting your confidence?
Here at Science of People, we did a fascinating experiment on vocal power. We have some incredible tips for you on how you can make your voice sound better and how to benefit from every single phone conversation.
We asked participants to record themselves saying “hello” in six different ways:
Normal Hello (This is the control.)
Happy Hello (Thinking of something that made them happy and holding a Happiness Microexpression.)
Sad Hello (Thinking of something that made them sad and holding a Sadness Microexpression.)
Angry Hello (Thinking of something that made them angry and holding an Angry Microexpression.)
Power Posing (While adopting a Power Pose.)
Normal Hello (One more control once they were warmed up.)
We added these recordings to our website and asked our readers to tell us how much they liked (or didn’t like) the person in the recording just based on the “hello” they heard. Readers listened to each clip and selected one of the following answers:
I like this person a lot.
I like this person a little.
I do not like this person.
Which version of the “hello” do you think was the most likable?
….the winner was the Happy Hello!
The data revealed that the happy recordings received significantly higher approval ratings than any other hello. This is a huge finding as it shows people can hear your mood.
Which variation do you think did the worst?
….the Angry Hello!
Action Step: Your mood affects your voice. We like hearing happy moods and we don’t like hearing irritable moods. Reserve your phone calls for when you’re in a quiet place, you’re calm and you’re settled. Resist the urge to answer when you’re stuck in traffic or having a bad day. Learn about the full experiment and how to sound confident on the phone in this video:
Bonus Vocal Tip: Avoid the Question Inflection
One of the biggest mistakes people make with nonverbal confidence is with their voice tone. Confident people never use the question inflection for statements. For example, be careful not to say your name as a question like “My name is Vanessa?” You want to make it authoritative by going down at the end of the sentence. “My name is Vanessa.”
Make sure to use the authoritative tone whenever you answer a question to show you are sure of your words. Research has found that women who use the question inflection are seen as less trustworthy by men.
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Happiness = Confidence
I often get asked how to increase confidence. Perhaps you feel confident already. This is excellent news! But maybe you’re looking to increase your confidence levels or you’re seeking more regular or reoccurring confidence in your day-to-day interactions and at work.
If you’re curious about how to be more confident at work, one of the best ways to feel professionally confident is to have meaningfulness in your job. Do you know your company’s mission? Do you know the impact of your work? When we don’t know how our daily responsibilities contribute to a larger mission, we can feel disengaged or hopeless in the workplace.
To feel more motivated and aware of how your work impacts the larger organization, first find out your company’s mission statement. This may be listed on the “About” page of their website or you may need to ask your direct manager. If your company doesn’t have one, write your own personal mission statement. Put this somewhere easy to see on your desk or hang it on your cubicle wall.
This reminder will serve as a tangible motivator of your why and boost your confidence that what you do is important. A bonus happy-maker is to keep a success folder on your computer. This is a folder that contains records of accomplishments, testimonials and any other examples of your rockstar status at work. If you’re having a bad day, open your success folder to remind yourself of your worth.
Action Step: Watch all 10 ways to be happier at work:
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How to Be Confident with Social Anxiety
If you get stressed out in social settings, it’s possible you may be suffering from social anxiety.
Social anxiety is when you feel nervous, tense or uncomfortable in social situations because you’re worried other people are judging you. Almost everyone has experienced social anxiety at one point or another. Life is rife with moments of self-consciousness–from job interviews to first dates. We all occasionally feel nervous around other people.
Unfortunately, social anxiety can suppress our inner confidence and make it feel impossible to be social in an authentic way. The good news is there are ways to overcome your social anxiety with a treatment known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT.
CBT is recognized as one of the most effective treatment options for social anxiety. It’s endorsed by leading mental health organizations, including the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health and the U.K. National Health Service. CBT is a set of activities proven to reduce your anxiety through repeated practice. It consists of two main parts: cognitive therapy and behavioral therapy.
The cognitive part of CBT is based on the idea that it’s not a social situation that makes you anxious, but your interpretation of that situation. The behavioral part of CBT involves gradually facing the situations that make you anxious to overcome your fear of them.
Action Step: Learn more about social anxiety and how to deal with it in our full video:
Want your confidence to help you shine at work? Learn how to stand out from your peers with our spot-check guide: 5 Steps to Prep Your Confidence Every Day. You’ll get actionable tips to build your very own confidence ritual, including:
Relaxation Exercise
Vocal Warm-up
Daily Happiness
Gratitude Spark
Healthy Self-Talk
Ready to build your confidence ritual?
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