13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

TROUBLESHOOTING AND COMMON TRAPS
If you ever find yourself dreaming of being stranded on a desert island, it means
you’re well overdue for some solitude. Don’t be afraid of scheduling time alone.
It’s not selfish or a waste of time. Instead, it could be one of the most beneficial
things you could ever do. It can improve your life in a multitude of ways and can
help you learn how to enjoy every moment, instead of rushing from one task to
the next without being tuned in to what’s really going on around you.
WHAT’S HELPFUL
Learning how to appreciate silence
Taking a few minutes every day to be alone with your thoughts
Scheduling a date with yourself at least one time a month
Learning how to meditate to quiet your mind

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Practicing mindfulness skills to focus on one task at a time
Journaling to sort out your emotions
Reflecting on your progress and goals daily
WHAT’S NOT HELPFUL
Keeping background noise on at all times
Hurrying from one activity to the next and focusing on constantly
producing something
Filling your calendar with social engagements without leaving any time
for yourself
Believing that meditation couldn’t possibly be helpful
Multitasking and zoning out throughout the day
Assuming that journaling is a waste of time
Looking at your to-do list and judging each day’s progress by how
many things you’ve accomplished

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CHAPTER 12
THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM
ANYTHING
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world
owes you nothing. It was here first.
—ROBERT JONES BURDETTE
Lucas entered therapy because people in his company’s Human Resources
Department suggested that he take advantage of their employee assistance
program to address some problems he’d recently had at work. Through the
program, Lucas could receive a handful of counseling sessions completely free of
charge.
Lucas had recently been hired at his first big job since getting his MBA. He
was excited about the position and he really believed in the company he worked
for. But he didn’t feel like his coworkers were as thrilled to have him on board.
He explained how he often made suggestions about how his supervisor could
increase the company’s profitability, and he tried to help his coworkers become
more efficient and productive. He offered ideas at the weekly team meetings, but
he didn’t think anyone was listening to him. He’d even scheduled a meeting with

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his boss asking to be promoted to a leadership position. He thought having more
authority would make other people more willing to take his advice.
Much to his dismay, his supervisor wasn’t interested in promoting him.
Instead, the supervisor told Lucas to “tone it down” if he wanted to remain
employed, because his fellow coworkers were already complaining about his
attitude. Following the meeting, Lucas had gone to his company’s Human
Resources office to complain and it was then that they recommended he receive
some counseling.
As Lucas and I talked, he said he felt like he deserved a promotion. Even
though he was new to the company, he was certain he had great ideas about how
to make the business more profitable and he figured he should be paid more than
his current salary. We explored his assumption that he was an extremely valuable
employee and how his employer might see things differently. We also discussed
the consequences of making such a bold assumption. He recognized that his
inference was clearly causing some problems for him at the office—his
coworkers, and most likely his supervisor, were annoyed.
Once Lucas was able to see how his “know-it-all” attitude was rubbing
people the wrong way, we discussed what it was probably like for his coworkers
to work with him. Some of them had been with the company for decades and
were slowly trying to work their way up the corporate ladder. Lucas said he
understood how some of them might feel frustrated when someone who was fresh
out of college started offering them advice. He admitted that he often thought of
them as “stupid,” and we discussed how these types of thoughts would only fuel
his desire to behave in a bossy manner. He participated in trying to reframe
those thoughts so that he could recognize the value that long-term employees
offered the company. Instead of viewing coworkers as “stupid” he reacted by
telling himself that they simply did things differently. When he began thinking he
was a better employee than someone else, he reminded himself he was fresh out
of college and still had a lot to learn.
Lucas agreed to create a list of behaviors that his employer would want to see
from the company’s best employees. When he was done with that list, we
reviewed how many of those behaviors he exhibited. He acknowledged that he
didn’t do all of the things on the list—like support other employees and show
respectful behavior. Instead, he was too focused on showing off and making

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demands.
Lucas agreed to take his newfound insight and apply it to his behavior at the
office. When he returned for his next appointment a couple of weeks later, he
shared some of the changes he’d been working on. He said he had stopped
offering so much unsolicited advice to others. He found that when he pulled back
and stopped trying to force people to listen to him, they were more inclined to
ask him questions and seek out his opinion. He thought this was definitely a step
in the right direction and he felt confident he could continue to work on being a
valuable employee rather than the invaluable resource he had previously
assumed he was.