13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\'t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success pdfdrive com

CURB YOUR JEALOUSY
Dan had to pause to evaluate his own life before he could stop resenting other
people for their achievements. Once he chose to create his own definition of
success—which involved spending time with his family and raising his children
according to his values—he was able to remind himself that his neighbors’ good
fortune didn’t diminish his efforts to reach his goals.
In addition to addressing his insecurities, Dan had to challenge his thinking.
He had convinced himself that if he didn’t give his children the best clothing and
the latest technological gadgets like all the other kids in the neighborhood had,
they’d get bullied. Once he began to recognize that almost all kids get teased
sometimes, and that there were no guarantees that material possessions would
prevent that, he was able to stop perseverating on his need to buy them
everything. When it hit him that he might unintentionally be causing them to
become materialistic, which wasn’t a characteristic he wanted them to have, he
turned his efforts to spending quality time with them.
CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES

---

I had been working with a man in my therapy office for a couple of months who
was battling a lot of different issues. He yelled at his kids and swore at his wife
daily. He smoked marijuana a couple of times a day and drank to the point of
passing out a few times a week. He had been “in between jobs” for over six
months and he was way behind on his bills. He routinely complained about how
unfair his life was, and he constantly argued with anyone who offered him help.
One day, he entered my office and said, “Amy, I don’t feel good about myself.”
To his horror, I said, “That’s good.” He looked perplexed as he said, “Why
would you say that? Your job is to help me with my self-esteem.” I explained to
him that based on his current behavior, not feeling good about himself was
actually a healthy sign. The last thing I wanted to do was help him feel good
about himself in his present situation. Of course I wouldn’t have said that so
blatantly to just anyone, but I’d known him for a while and I had a good enough
rapport with him that I knew he’d be able to tolerate hearing it.
Over the next few months I had the pleasure of watching him grow and
change. And by the end of treatment, he felt better about himself, but not simply
because he repeatedly showered himself with false accolades. Instead, he gained
an income, quit abusing drugs and alcohol, and worked hard on treating people
with kindness. His marriage improved. His relationship with his daughters
improved. He felt much better once he began behaving according to his values.
Feeling bad was an indicator that he needed to change.
If you don’t feel good about who you are, it’s important to examine what the
reason might be. Perhaps you aren’t behaving in a way that builds healthy self-
worth. If that’s the case, examine what you can do differently in your life to
bring your behavior in line with your values and your goals.