2. Third Wave Feminism

Self-determination theory[edit]

Stein et. al. claim that part of the allure of friends with benefits relationships ties into self-determination theory (SDT) (pp. 318). SDT delves into the human need to continuously search for new challenges.^[1] FWB relationships attract so many people because of the allure of the easy going non-committal relationship. The root of SDT is the need to have goals that are either approach focused, or avoidance focused.^[1] Approach focused goals are centered on what an individual can gain from a relationship, in a FWB situation this can be sex. Avoidance focused goals look at failures that can be avoided. In the case of FWB relationships, an individual can avoid a romantic relationship ending with a negative outcome.^[1]

Types of Sexual Relationships[edit]

Unlike more casual relationships (i.e. booty calls, one night stands, and other brief sexual encounters), FWBs continue to have a platonic relationship sans romance. Although it seems similar, FWB relationships differ from casual sex relationships in that FWB relationships are a commitment to continuous casual sex. One night stands are brief encounters with limited information exchanged. The parties involved typically part the next day without any additional communication. Booty calls are between people that are already acquainted, but not necessarily friends.^[7] Booty calls are usually recurring and don't develop into anything more. Sugaring involves exchanging gifts or money for companionship.^[7]

Challenges with Friends with Benefits Relationships[edit]

FWB relationships include friendship and sexual interactions without romance. In some ways, the success of this type of relationship is rooted in avoidance. Even with the rise in popularity in friends with benefits relationships, there is not a high success rate of continued friendship at the end of a friends with benefits relationship.^[4] Although these relationships are established to safely connect with a partner without the emotions, often these relationships are not genuine. Research on deceptive affection shows that people often hide their honest feelings because of concern that they will not be mutual or well received.^[10] Deceptive affection ends up being used as a tool to protect personal feelings so that no one gets hurt. Ultimately, these relationships continue to be complex despite the attempt to be void of emotions, the lines become blurred and feelings are sometimes developed by one partner that are not always well received by the other.
There are many studies that examine how FWB relationships progress among college aged students. As FWB relationships continue to evolve, individuals involved often have changing motivations for why they continue the FWB relationships. The motivation for many of these relationships is typically companionship, after time the affection for the partners involved becomes genuine.^[1] Themes that emerged from one study on FWB at a university in southern California included "(1) FWB relationships as empowering to young women, (2) FWB relationships as not empowering to young women, (3) FWB relationships as providing a safe option in place of hook-ups, and (4) control and power in FWB relationships" (Williams & Jovanovic, pp. 167)."^[5] Another study proved that individuals that avoid attachment experience less sexual satisfaction in relationships, this study also found that there is correlation between attachment anxiety and sexual satisfaction.^[8]