A thousand Boy Kisses

He loved me.
I nodded to show that I’d heard him. But my voice had been stolen by the
moment. By the preciousness of his touch. I stepped back, Rune’s eyes tracking
my every move.
I wanted them to.
Lifting my hand to the strap on my shoulder, I steeled my nerves and dropped
it down my arm. Rune’s breathing stuttered as I freed the other strap, the silk
dress pooling at my feet. I forced my arms down by my side, most of my body
revealed to the boy I loved beyond anything else in the world.
I was bared, showing the scars I’d obtained over the course of two years.
Showing all of me—the girl he’d always known, and the battle scars from my

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unwavering fight.
Rune’s gaze dropped to run over me. But there was no disgust in his eyes. I
saw only the purity of his love shining through. I saw only want and need, and
above all … his whole heart exposed.
Just for my eyes.
As always.
Rune edged closer and closer, until his warm chest pressed against mine. With
a feather-light touch, he brushed my hair behind my ear, and then drifted his
fingertips down my bare neck and on to my side.
My eyes fluttered at the sensation. Shivers ran down my spine. The scent of
Rune’s minty breath filled my nose as he leaned forward and dragged his soft
lips along my neck, peppering delicate kisses on my exposed skin.
I held on to his strong shoulders, anchoring myself to the ground. “Poppymin,”
Rune whispered hoarsely as his mouth passed by my ear.
Inhaling deeply, I whispered, “Make love to me, Rune.”
Rune was still for a moment, then, shifting until his face hovered above mine,
he briefly caught my eyes before laying his lips against my own. This kiss was
as sweet as this night, as soft as his touch. This kiss was different, it was the
promise of what lay ahead, Rune’s vow to be gentle … his vow to love me just
as I loved him.
Rune’s strong hands lay on the nape of my neck as his mouth worked slowly
against mine. Then, when I was breathless, his hands dropped to my waist and
carefully lifted me onto the bed.
My back hit the soft mattress and I watched from the center of the bed as Rune
shed the remainder of his clothes, never taking his eyes off mine as he crawled
on the bed to lie beside me.
The intensity on Rune’s handsome face melted me, causing my heart to thud in
a staccato rhythm. Rolling on my side to face him, I ran my fingers down his
cheek and whispered, “I love you too.”
Rune’s eyes closed as if he needed to hear those words more than his next

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breath. He moved above me, his mouth taking mine. My hands ran over his
strong back and up through his long hair. Rune’s hands ran down my side, then
freed me of the remainder of my clothes and dropped them on the floor to join
the rest.
I was breathless as Rune towered over me. Breathless as he met my eyes and
asked, “Are you sure, Poppymin?”
Unable to contain my smile, I replied, “More than I have been about anything
in my life.”
My eyes fluttered closed as Rune kissed me again, as his hands explored my
body—all of the once-familiar parts. And I did the same. With every touch and
every kiss, my nerves fell away, until we were Poppy and Rune—there was no
beginning to us and no end.
The air became heavy and warm the more we kissed and explored, until finally,
Rune shifted above me. Not once breaking eye contact, he took me as his again.
My body filled with life and light as he made us one. My heart filled with such
love that I feared it would not contain all the happiness flooding in.
I held him as we fell back to earth, holding him tightly in my arms. Rune’s
head lay in the crook of my neck, his skin glistening and warm.
I kept my eyes closed, unwilling to break away from this moment. This perfect
moment. Eventually, Rune lifted his head. Seeing the vulnerable expression on
his face, I kissed him gently. As gently as he had taken me. As gently as he
handled my fragile heart.
His arms cradled my head, keeping me safe. When I broke from the kiss, I met
his loving gaze and whispered, “Kiss number eight hundred and twenty. With
my Rune, on the most amazing day of my life. After we made love … My heart
almost burst.”
Rune’s breath hitched in his throat. With a final brief kiss, he rolled beside me
and wrapped me in his arms.
My eyes closed and I drifted off into a light sleep. So light that I felt Rune kiss
me on my head then shift from the bed. As the door to the bedroom closed, I

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blinked in the dark room, catching the sound of the door to the terrace slipping
open.
Pushing the comforter aside, I put on the robe that was hanging on the back of
the door and the slippers that lay neatly on the floor. As I walked through the
room, I smiled, still smelling the scent of Rune on my skin.
I entered the living room, heading in the direction of the door to outside, but
immediately stopped in my tracks. Because through the wide window I could see
Rune on the ground, sitting on his knees. Falling apart.
It felt as if my heart physically ripped in two as I watched him, out in the cold
night air, clothed in only his jeans. Tears streamed from his eyes as his back
shook with body-shuddering pain.
Tears blurred my vision as I stared at him. My Rune. So broken and alone, as
he sat in the lightly falling snow.
“Rune. Baby,” I whispered to myself as I forced my feet to the door, as I made
my hand turn the handle and ordered my heart to brace itself for the grief
causing this scene.
My feet crunched on the thin, crisp layer of snow beneath my feet. Rune didn’t
seem to hear. But I heard him. I heard his uncontrolled breathing. But worse still,
I heard his racking sobs. I heard the pain overwhelm him. I saw it in the way he
lurched forward, palms planted to the floor beneath him.
Failing to hold back my cries, I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around
him. His bare skin was freezing to the touch. Seeming not to notice the cold,
Rune collapsed into my lap, his long, broad torso seeking the comfort of my
arms.
And he broke. Rune completely broke apart: floods of tears flowed down his
cheeks, coarse breaths ghosted to white puffs of smoke as they hit the freezing
air.
I rocked back and forth, holding him close. “Shh,” I soothed, trying in earnest
to breathe through my own pain. The pain of seeing the boy I loved falling apart.
The pain of knowing I had to pass soon, yet wanting to resist home’s call with

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all of my heart.
I had come to terms with my fading life. Now I wanted to fight to stay with
Rune, for Rune, even knowing it was useless.
I wasn’t in control of my fate.
“Rune,” I whispered, my tears becoming lost in the long strands of his hair in
my lap.
Rune looked up, his expression devastated, and asked hoarsely, “Why? Why do
I have to lose you?” He shook his head and his face contorted in pain. “Because
I can’t, Poppymin. I can’t watch you leave. I can’t bear the thought of not having
you like this for the rest of our lives.” He choked on a sob, but managed to say,
“How can a love like ours be broken? How can you be taken away so young?”
“I don’t know, baby,” I whispered, glancing away in an effort to hold myself
together. The lights of New York sparkled in my line of sight. I chased away the
grief that came with his asking those questions.
“It just is, Rune,” I said sadly. “There’s no reason why it’s me. Why not me?
No one deserves this, yet I have to…” I trailed off, but managed to add, “I have
to trust that there’s a bigger reason or I would crumble with the pain of leaving
all I love behind.” I sucked in a breath and said, “With leaving you, especially
after today. Especially after making love to you tonight.”
Rune stared into my tear-filled eyes. Gathering some composure, he got to his
feet and lifted me into his arms. I was glad, because I felt too weak to move. I
wasn’t sure I could have stood up from the cold, damp ground if I’d tried.
Linking my arms around Rune’s neck, I laid my head on his chest and closed
my eyes as he carried me back inside and back to the bedroom. Pushing the
comforter back, he placed me underneath, following behind and wrapping his
arms around my waist as we faced one another on my pillow.
Rune’s eyes were red, his long hair was damp from the snow and his skin was
mottled with the depth of his sadness. Lifting my hand, I ran it down his face.
His skin was freezing.
Rune turned his face in to my palm. “Up on that stage tonight, I knew you were

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saying goodbye. And I…” His voice stuck, but he coughed and finished, “It
made this all too real.” His eyes glossed with new tears. “It made me realize, this
was really happening.” Rune held my hand and brought it to his chest. He
squeezed it tightly. “And I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe when I try to imagine
living without you. I’ve tried it once, and it didn’t go well. But … but at least
you were alive, out there, somewhere. Soon … soon…” He cut off his words as
the tears fell. He turned his head from my gaze.
I caught his retreating cheek. Rune blinked. “Are you scared, Poppymin?
Because I’m terrified. I’m terrified of what the hell life looks like without you.”
I paused. I truly thought about his question. And I let myself feel the truth. I let
myself be honest. “Rune, I’m not scared of dying.” I ducked my head, and the
pain that had never taken me before suddenly filled my every cell. I let my head
drop to his and whispered, “But since I got you back, since my heart regained its
beat—you—I’ve been feeling all kinds of things that I hadn’t before. I pray for
more time, just so I can live more days in your arms. I pray for longer minutes so
you can gift me more kisses.” Dragging in a much-needed breath, I added, “But
worst of all, I’m beginning to feel fear.”
Rune inched closer, his arm tightening around my waist. I lifted my shaking
hand to his face. “I feel fear over leaving you. I’m not scared of dying, Rune.
But I’m terrified of going anywhere new without you.” Rune’s eyes shut and he
hissed as though in pain.
“I don’t know me without you,” I said quietly. “Even when you were in Oslo, I
pictured your face, I would remember how your hand felt holding mine. I would
play your favorite songs and I would read the kisses in my jar. Just like my
mamaw told me to. And I would close my eyes and feel your lips on mine.” I
allowed myself to smile. “I would remember the night we first made love and
the feeling in my heart at that moment—fulfilled … at peace.”
I sniffed and quickly wiped at my damp cheeks. “Though you weren’t with me,
you were in my heart. And that was enough to sustain me, even though I wasn’t
happy.” I kissed Rune’s mouth, just to savor his taste. “But now, after this time

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back together, it’s made me fearful. Because who are we without each other?”
“Poppy,” Rune rasped.
My tears fell with reckless abandon and I cried, “I’ve hurt you by loving you so
much. And now I have to go on an adventure without you. And I can’t bear how
much it hurts you. I can’t leave you so lonely and in pain.”
Rune pulled me to his chest. I cried. He cried. We shared our fears of loss and
love. My fingers rested on his back and I took comfort in his warmth.
When our tears had slowed, Rune gently pushed me back and searched my
face. “Poppy,” he asked huskily, “what does heaven look like to you?”
I could see in his face that he desperately wanted to know. Gathering my
composure, I declared, “A dream.”
“A dream,” Rune echoed, and I saw his lip hook up at the corner.
“I read once that when you dream each night, it’s actually a visit home. Home,
Rune. Heaven.” I began feeling the warmth that that vision brought at my toes. It
began to travel over my whole body. “My heaven will be you and me in the
blossom grove. Like always. Forever seventeen.”
I took a strand of Rune’s hair between my fingers, studying the golden color.
“Do you ever dream a dream so vividly, that when you wake you believe it was
real? It feels like it is real?”
“Ja,” Rune said quietly.
“That’s because it was, Rune, in a way. So at night, when you close your eyes,
I’ll be there, meeting you in our grove.”
Inching closer, I added, “And then when it’s time for you to come home too,
it’ll be me who greets you. And there’ll be no worry or fear or pain. Just love.” I
sighed happily. “Imagine that, Rune. A place where there’s no pain or hurt.” I
closed my eyes and smiled. “When I think about it that way, I’m not so scared
anymore.”
Rune’s lips brushed over mine. “It sounds perfect,” he said, his accent thick,
voice graveled. “I want you to have that, Poppymin.”
I fluttered my eyes open and saw the truth and acceptance on Rune’s handsome

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face.
“It will be like that, Rune,” I said with unwavering certainty. “We won’t end.
We never will.”
Rune rolled me until I lay on his chest. I closed my eyes, lulled by the hypnotic
rhythm of Rune’s deep breathing. As I was about to drift away to sleep, Rune
asked, “Poppymin?”
“Yes?”
“What do you want out of the time left?”
I thought about his question, but only a few things sprang to mind. “I want to
see the cherry blossoms bloom one final time.” I smiled against Rune’s chest. “I
want to dance at prom with you,”—I tilted my head up and caught him smiling
down at me—“with you in a tux and your hair combed back off your face.” Rune
shook his head in amusement at that.
Sighing at the peaceful happiness we had now found, I said, “I want to see a
final perfect sunrise.” Sitting up higher, I met Rune’s eyes and finished, “But
more than anything, I want to return home with your kiss on my lips. I want to
pass on to the next life still feeling your warm lips on mine.”
Settling back down onto Rune’s chest, I closed my eyes and whispered, “That’s
what I pray for most. To last long enough to achieve these things.”
“They’re perfect, baby,” Rune whispered, stroking my hair.
And that’s how I fell asleep, under Rune’s protection.
Dreaming that I’d see all my wishes fulfilled.
Happy.

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