After (The After Series)

just stop. I lean my head up and kiss Noah’s jaw, making him smile. I want Noah
to make me feel the way Hardin does. I sit up and turn to face him. I take his
face between my hands and press my lips against his. His mouth opens and he
kisses me back. His lips are soft . . . just like his kiss. It’s not enough. I need the
fire, I need the passion. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull myself onto
his lap.
“Whoa, Tessa, what are you doing?” he asks and tries to push me off gently.
“What? Nothing, I just . . . I want to make out, I guess,” I say and look down.
I am usually not embarrassed in front of Noah, but this isn’t something we
usually talk about.
“Okay?” he says, and I kiss him again. I feel warmth from him, but not the
fire. I start to rock my hips, hoping to light it somehow. His hands go down to
my waist but he pushes them against me, stopping my movements. I know we

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agreed to wait until marriage, but we’re just kissing here. I grab his hands and
pull them away and continue to rock against him. No matter how many times I
try to kiss him harder, his mouth stays soft and timid. I can feel him getting
turned on, but he won’t act on it.
I know I am doing this for all the wrong reasons, but I don’t care at the
moment—I just need to know that Noah can do to me what Hardin does. It isn’t
actually Hardin that I want, it’s the feeling . . . isn’t it?
I stop kissing Noah and slide off his lap.
“That was nice, Tessa.” He smiles and I give him one back. It was “nice.” He
is so careful, too careful, but I love him. I press play on the movie and within
minutes I feel myself drifting off.
“I should go,” Hardin says. His green eyes looking down at me. “Go where?”
I don’t want him to go. “I am going to stay at a hotel close by; I’ll come back in
the morning,” he says, and after I stare at him a moment, his face fades into
Noah’s.
I jolt up and wipe my eyes. Noah, it is Noah. It was never Hardin.
“You’re obviously really sleepy, and I can’t stay the night here,” Noah says
gently and brushes my cheek.
I want him to stay, but now I’m afraid of what I will see or say in my sleepy
state. Noah clearly doesn’t think it’s decent for him to stay in my room anyway.
Hardin and Noah are polar opposites. In every way.
“Okay, thank you again for coming,” I mumble and he kisses me lightly on the
cheek before sliding out from under me.
“I love you,” he says. I nod, bury my head back into my pillow, and descend
into dreams I don’t remember.
THE NEXT MORNING,
I wake up to Noah calling on the phone. He tells me he
is on his way, so I roll out of bed and rush to the showers, wondering what Noah
and I should do today. There isn’t much to do around here unless we go into
town; maybe I should text Landon and ask what there is to do around here
besides party at a frat house. He seems to be my only friend who would know.
Having decided to wear my gray pleated skirt and a plain blue shirt, I ignore
Hardin’s voice in the back of my head telling me that it’s ugly, and dress in the
stall.
Noah is in the hall waiting by my door as I return with the towel still in my
hair. “You look lovely,” he says with a smile, and puts his arm over my shoulder
as I open the door.
“I just need to do my hair and put a little makeup on,” I tell him and grab

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Steph’s makeup bag, which I’m glad she didn’t take with her. I will need to get
some of my own now that I know I like the way it looks.
Noah sits patiently on my bed as I dry my hair and curl the ends. I stop and
give him a kiss on the cheek before I apply my makeup. “What do you want to
do today?” I finish with mascara and fluff my hair.
“College really suits you, Tessa. You have never looked better,” Noah says. “I
don’t know, maybe we can go to a park or something, then dinner?”
I look at the clock. How is it already 1 p.m.? I text Steph and tell her I will be
out most of the day and she responds saying she will be gone until tomorrow.
She basically lives at Hardin’s fraternity house on the weekends.
Noah opens the passenger door of his Toyota. His parents made sure he had
the safest car, the newest model. The interior is spotless, no stacks of books, no
dirty clothing. We drive around to find a park, which only takes a little bit. It’s a
small, quiet space with half-green, half-yellowing grass and a few trees.
As we pull into a spot, Noah asks, “Hey, when are you going to start looking
for a car?”
“I think this week, actually. I am going to apply for jobs this week, too.” I
don’t mention the internship at Vance Publishing that Hardin dangled in front of
me. I don’t know if I can still get it, or how I’d tell Noah if I did.
“That is great news. Let me know if you need any help with either of those,”
he says.
We walk around the park once and then sit at a picnic table. Noah talks most
of the time and I nod along. I find myself zoning in and out of the conversation
but he doesn’t seem to notice. We end up walking a little more and come to a
small stream. I snort at the irony and Noah looks at me quizzically.
“Do you want to swim?” I ask, not quite sure why I push this moment further.
“In there? No way,” he says, laughing, and as I deflate a little, I mentally
smack myself. I need to stop comparing Noah to Hardin.
“I was just joking,” I lie, and drag him along down the trail.
IT IS SEVEN
before we leave the park, so we decide to order pizza when we get
back to my room and watch a classic: Meg Ryan falling in love with Tom Hanks
through a radio show. I am starving by the time the pizza comes so I eat almost
half of it myself. In my defense, I haven’t eaten all day.
Halfway through the movie my phone rings and Noah reaches over to grab it
for me. “Who’s Landon?” he asks. There is no suspicion in his voice, only
curiosity. He has never been the jealous type; he never needed to be.
Until now, my subconscious reminds me.

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“He’s a friend from school,” I say and answer. Why would Landon be calling
me so late? He’s never called me for anything other than to compare notes.
“Tessa?” Landon says loudly.
“Yeah, is everything okay?”
“Um, well, no, actually. I know Noah is there but . . .” He hesitates.
“What’s wrong, Landon?” My heart starts to race. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s not me. It’s Hardin.”
Panic overtakes me. “H-Hardin?” I stutter.
“Yeah, if I give you an address can you come here, please?” I hear something
crash in the background. I jump off my bed and I have my shoes on before my
mind catches up. Noah stands up, too, almost as if in sympathy.
“Landon, is Hardin trying to hurt you?” My mind can’t make sense of what
else could be going on.
“No, no,” he says.
“Text me the address,” I tell him and then hear another crash.
I turn to Noah. “Noah, I need your car.”
His head turns sideways. “What is going on?”
“I don’t know . . . it’s Hardin. Give me your keys,” I demand.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls them out, but says insistently, “I’m
coming with you.”
But I snatch the keys from his hands and shake my head. “No, you . . . I need
to go alone.”
My words hurt him. He looks hurt. And I know it’s wrong to leave him here,
but right now the only thing I can think about is getting to Hardin.

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chapter twenty-nine
L
andon’s text reads
2875 Cornell Rd
, which I copy and paste into my maps
program, which says the drive is fifteen minutes. What could be going on there
that Landon could possibly need me?
I’m just as confused when I arrive at the address as I was when I left my
room. Noah has called twice, both of which I’ve ignored; I need the navigation
to stay on the screen and, honestly, the confused look on his face when I left him
there is haunting me.
The houses on the street are all large and look like mansions. This house in