After (The After Series)

Closing? Looking out the window, I see that it is dark out. I didn’t even notice
the sun going down. I was so engrossed in my books, hours passed and I didn’t
even notice. I will definitely have to come here more often.
“Oh, okay, thank you,” I reply and pack up my things. Checking my phone, I
see a new text from Zed.

---

I just wanted to tell you goodnight, I can’t wait for Friday.
He really is very nice, so I reply,
That is very sweet, thank you. I am looking forward to it
too.
Back in the room, Steph is still gone, so I change into my pajamas and grab
Wuthering Heights. I fall asleep quickly, dreaming of Heathcliff and the moors.
WHEN I WAKE UP ON FRIDAY,
I have a text message from Landon telling me
that he won’t be on campus at all today because Dakota is arriving earlier than
he thought. Skipping Literature crosses my mind momentarily, but I decide
against it. I can’t let Hardin ruin anything else I like.
I take a little more time to get ready today and braid the front of my hair back
before curling it. It’s supposed to be warm, so I wear a purple sleeveless fleece
jacket and jeans. When I go to the coffeehouse before class, Logan ends up in
front of me in line. Before I can walk away unnoticed, he turns around.
“Hey, Tessa,” he says.
“Hey, Logan. How are you?” I ask politely.
“I’m good, you coming tonight?”
“To the bonfire?”
“No, the party. The bonfire is going to be lame, it always is.”
“Oh well, I’m going to the bonfire.” I laugh lightly and he chuckles.
“Well, if you get bored, you can always stop by,” he says and grabs his coffee.
I thank him as he walks away, relieved that Hardin’s group seems uninterested
in the bonfire, which means I won’t have to deal with any of them tonight.
When it’s time for Literature, I walk right to my seat without a single glance
in Hardin’s direction. The discussion continues on Wuthering Heights, but
Hardin stays silent. As soon as we are dismissed, I gather my things and
practically bolt to the door.
“Tessa!” I hear Hardin call behind me, but I just walk faster. Without Landon
here I feel more vulnerable. When I reach the sidewalk, I feel a light touch on
my arm. I know it’s him from the way my skin tingles.
“What!” I shout.
He takes a step back and holds out a notebook. “You dropped this.”
Relief and disappointment battle inside me. I wish this ache in my chest would
go away. Instead of shrinking, it seems to get larger every moment of every day.
I shouldn’t have admitted to myself that I love him—if I would have kept
ignoring the truth, maybe it would hurt less.
“Oh, thanks,” I mumble and grab the notebook from him. His eyes catch mine
and we just stare at one another until after a few seconds I remember that we are

---

standing on a crowded sidewalk and I look around at everyone passing by us.
Hardin shakes his hair out and pushes it back before he turns and walks away.
I HEAD TO MY CAR
and drive straight to Landon’s. I wasn’t going to go until
five; it’s only three, but I can’t sit alone in my room. I really have gone mental
since Hardin came into my life.
When I arrive, Karen answers the door with a huge smile and invites me in.
“It’s only me here right now. Dakota and Landon are at the store fetching a
few things for me,” she says as she brings me into the kitchen.
“That’s okay, sorry for coming so early.”
“Oh, don’t be sorry. You can help me cook!” She hands me a cutting board
and a few onions and potatoes to chop and we talk about the weather and the
upcoming winter.
“Tessa, did you still want to help me get the greenhouse going? It’s climate
controlled, so we don’t have to worry about the winter.”
“Yes, of course! I would love to.”
“Great, maybe tomorrow? Next weekend I will be a little busy,” she jokes.
Her wedding. I’d almost forgotten. I try to smile back at her. “Yeah, I’d say
so.” I wish I could’ve gotten Hardin to agree to go, but it was impossible then
and it’s even more impossible now.
Karen puts the chicken in the oven and gathers plates and silverware so we
can set the table. “Is Hardin coming to dinner tonight?” she asks as we start
laying things out. She’s clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but I can see she’s a
little nervous about the question.
“No, he won’t be coming,” I tell her and look down.
She stops what she’s doing. “Are you guys okay? I don’t mean to be nosy.”
“That’s all right.” I might as well tell her. “I don’t think we’re okay.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that. You two really had something, I thought.
But I know it’s really hard to be with someone who is afraid to show their
feelings.”
This line of conversation makes me feel a little weird. I can’t even talk to my
own mother about stuff like this, but something about Karen’s openness makes
me more able to discuss this sort of thing. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I don’t know Hardin as well as I wish I did, but I know he is very
closed off emotionally. Ken used to stay awake nights worrying about him. He
has always been an unhappy child.” Her eyes go glossy. “He wouldn’t even tell
his mom he loved her.”
“What?” I say again.

---

“He just won’t say it. I am not sure why. Ken can’t recall a single time when
Hardin said he loved either of them. It’s truly sad, not only for Ken, but for
Hardin as well.” She blots her eyes.
For someone who refuses to tell anyone, even his own parents, that he loves
them, he sure was quick to use the words against me in a hateful way. “He is . . .
He’s very difficult to understand,” is all I can think to say.
“Yes, yes, he is. But, Tessa, I hope you’ll still come around even if you two
don’t work things out.”
“Of course,” I tell her.
PERHAPS SENSING MY MOOD,
Karen switches to talk of the greenhouse
while we wait for the food to finish cooking and then put everything out on the
table. Midway through a sentence, Karen stops and puts on a wide smile. I turn
to find Landon walking into the kitchen followed by a beautiful girl with curly
hair. I knew she would be gorgeous, but she is even more so than I could have
imagined.
“Hi, you must be Tessa,” she says even as Landon opens his mouth to
introduce us. She immediately comes over and hugs me, and I immediately like
her.
“Dakota, I have heard so much about you—it’s nice to finally meet you!” I
say, and she smiles. Landon’s eyes follow her as she walks past and hugs Karen,
then takes a seat at the counter.
“We passed Ken on our way here. He was getting gas, so he should be here
any minute,” Landon tells his mom.
“Great, Tessa and I have already set the table.”
Landon goes over to where Dakota sits, puts his arm around her waist, and
leads her to the table. I take my seat across from them and glance over at the
empty place setting next to me, which Karen had set up for “purposes of
symmetry,” but it just makes me a little sad. In another life Hardin would be
sitting next to me, holding my hand the way Landon is Dakota’s, and I could
lean into him without fear of being rejected. I’m beginning to wish I had invited
Zed even though it would have been extremely awkward; having dinner with
two deeply in-love couples may prove worse.
Ken enters, saving me from my thoughts. He walks over and kisses Karen on
her cheek before sitting down.
“Dinner looks great, honey,” he says and playfully places a napkin on his lap.
“Dakota, you get more beautiful each time I see you.” He smiles at her, then
turns to me. “And Tessa, congratulations on your internship at Vance. Christian

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called me and told me. You made a wonderful first impression on him.”
“Thank you again for calling him; it’s such an amazing opportunity.” I smile
and the table’s silent for a moment while we all try Karen’s chicken, which is