Clients‟ experience of counselling within a narrative framework

7.3.4.Little Girl 
Little Girl‟s name came from her writing out a well known nursery rhyme as one of her entries: 
„There was a little girl‟. Already someone who wrote poetry she wrote in a style that was well 
rehearsed. This was stark in that she wrote very little yet with such precision that her few words 
hid a wealth of information.
LITTLE GIRL 
Good girl 
Building walls 
Catching others
When they fall 
Hide my pain
Behind 
The wall 
Horrid girl 
Climbing walls 
Waving flags 
Above the parapet 
To be seen 
To be found 
To be 
Fighting girl 
Reloading
The ammunition 
To shoot 
The target 
A tiny self 
To pieces
Dangerous girl 
Budging bricks 
One 
Nearly falls 
To reveal 
This is 
All about me 

---

205 
Frightened girl 
Afraid of losing
Everything 
And ending up 
With
Nothing 
At all 
Buttoned up girl 
Terrified 
Of men 
Who steal
Making
Me 
Of no value 
Angry girl 
Not really here 
Not wanting 
To play 
The game 
That someone else 
Has set 
Hurt girl 
Shocked
By talking about 
A nothing 
That came too close 
To being 
An abusive something 
Incapable girl 
Hands everything
Over to others 
Preferring 
Not to see 
The unknown
Inside me 

---

206 
Christian girl 
Shouldering the devil 
Who beseeches me 
To disappear 
Into
An insignificant 
Self
Grieving girl 
Seeking
Love 
From mother 
Who had gone 
Long before 
She was lost 
Strong girl 
Falls
Picks me up 
And I feel 
Shout
I am not 
Bambi
Powerful girl 
Taking off 
In a red 
Two seater 
Convertible
Sports car 
Dust rising 
Poetic girl 
Carving images 
In
Fleeting words 
Catching 
All my selves
Changing 
Little Girl chose not to write on the text of the analysis, so there are fewer responses from her 

---

207 
than from other participants. However participants were given this choice and she gave 
comprehensive feedback on a separate sheet. 
Little Girl‟s journal demonstrates many aspects of her growing selves and this is what I tried to 
include in the above poem. She never previously realized how much she still needed to grieve for 
the mother who died during her childhood. The grieving girl was still being discovered and 
allowed to feel even during the feedback on the analysis. This surprised her and she wrote: “on 
re-reading the entry (about her loss) I felt so sad - almost moved to tears - that I had felt this 
way” (LG). It was as if she momentarily met the howling of her own soul. This entry was also 
one that she singled out as having a good fit between the category towards containment-freedom 
and the journal entry. She states: 
“As my journal entry suggested, I had lost her long before she died (in my mind) and 
the holding of the counsellor gave freedom to voice this notion” (LG). 
It felt she was moving towards the freedom to contain her own affect and she confirms this in her 
sense of needing the holding of the counsellor to give her the freedom she was still learning to 
give herself. 
There seemed to be opposition between her seeing herself as a capable independent adult and 
seeing herself as a grieving dependent child. This was a powerful battle but the tension created 
enabled movement. In wanting to hand everything over to others she became the child, the 
Beauty who denied her own anguish. But in imagining the red two-seater sports car she seemed 
to be taking her power and uniting with the Beast who could protect and drive her.
There was also opposition in how she saw herself. She saw herself as a Christian yet found 

---

208 
herself listening to the „devil‟. But meeting both the Christian and the devil as different selves 
enables the child who is fearful of disappearing to be heard. Perhaps this allowed the spilt off 
parts of her psyche (Maltby 2003) to have a voice. Opposition seemed to enable her to think for 
herself, to find her own opinions and even her own faith rather than following those who appear 
more powerful. The good girl had always done, thought, even believed what she was told by 
others. The „horrid‟ girl (the Beast) perhaps wanted to be seen and found by her. There was a real 
sense of her doing this almost without knowing it at the time. In our final meeting she was proud 
of having her own faith and opinions. 
Commenting on when the analysis of an entry and a construct did not fit Little Girl was able to 
comment: 
“Week 19 I am not so clear about a parallel here. My anger was aimed at a fellow 
student. I had worked hard at exploring myself and my history and becoming more 
aware both of myself and others during the counselling course but, during a group 
sculpting session, she positioned me as separate with my back to the rest of the 
group. This was quite distressing” (LG). 
It seems I had been unable to decode her entry, yet the anger and hurt felt by me did seem to be 
correct. It also felt difficult for her to see the entry from another perspective. But for her, it was 
about a very specific event. What feels important is that she was able to comment. She wrote that 
when I got something wrong there was a feeling that my insight had let me down rather than her 
feeling anger or sadness that she had been misinterpreted.
Like other participants there was a strong sense of Little Girl searching for herself. This seemed 
to be a real impetus in helping her continue her journey through the counselling and research. 
However at times she seemed unable to take what was offered to her in the counselling. This is 

---

209 
clear in her feedback where she seems to want to show me how far she has come. She writes in 
her comments: 
“Even at this distance in time I can clearly recall the main thrust of particular 
sessions and see in my mind the main protagonists. For example, week twenty 
referred to my fears for my own daughter‟s well being and a dream that left me in the 
wings while she tried to dance but fell. The counsellor seemed to disapprove of an 
„over dependent inter-relationship‟ which I could not (or did not want to) see. What I 
now understand is that a woman bereaved of her mother in childhood will seek to 
reclaim that mother/daughter relationship through her own daughter and that that 
relationship may become unhealthily inter-dependent for both of them” (LG). 
At the time she was unable to take what was offered by the counsellor, as if she was not ready. 
However she seems to have made good use of the whole process of her collaboration in the 
research, perhaps because time passing enabled her to change and accept what was previously 
unacceptable. She came to see a dual process in her journals that she had not seen before. The 
fact that an experience in the journal symbolized a past event enabled her to learn more about 
herself. She had not understood the possibility of this dual process previously, in that the past 
may affect how she is in the present. It also turned something that she had first seen as an 
intellectual exercise into a much more personal journey: 
“When the analysis, entry and process were „in synch‟ it was very revealing and 
pleasing to see interpretations of my journey that I had not seen” (LG). 
The fact that Little Girl used the research so well for herself demonstrates how being a 
participant gave her a great deal. She learned more about herself and about the counselling 
process as well as contributing and sharing herself through the research. 
In her feedback she felt that the least helpful part of the research was the time lapse between 
sending me the journal and the follow up analysis. However when we met she seemed to have 
changed her mind about this. She realized while we were talking that if she had received the 

---

210 
analysis earlier she might not have been in a place where she could have understood or agreed 
with some of it. She had also gained a stronger sense of her life story in that her story is still 
growing and she could see this in the process of being a participant. She was not sure about the 
construct for she did not feel the categories had stayed with her. But she felt she “sometimes had 
a sense of the opposition happening, but don‟t ask me to give a talk about it”(LG). She also 
wrote in her feedback: 
“On reading the analysis and rationale I can see parallels with some of my own client 
work and I am sure I will gain useful insights into some of these therapeutic 
relationships” (LG). 
So it seems something from the research process has stayed with her. The most helpful part of 
the research for her was keeping the journal for she feels it has given her a memoir of her 
journey through counselling. She felt that the way she was asked to write the journal was 
important for her: 
“I think that the means of presentation really suited my style of thinking and writing 
and made it easier to maintain both the presentation and the continuity. I naturally 
veered towards a poetic feel as this is how I have processed my thoughts and feelings 
in the past and it seemed to best reflect my feelings at the time” (LG). 
This indicates that the way participants were asked to write suited the task as writing short 
phrases fitted with the counselling experience in that it helped condense affect and image