Copyright 2018 by Colleen Hoover
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Because she was obsessed with you.
“Where do you get your validation?” he asks. I turn my head toward him again. “I don’t, really. My books aren’t popular. When I do receive a positive review or get an email from a fan, I never feel like they’re talking to me. Probably because I’m such a recluse and never do signings. I don’t put my image out there, so even though there are readers who love what I do, I still haven’t had the experience of being told to my face that what I do matters to someone.” I sigh. “That would feel good, I imagine. For someone to look me in the eye and say, ‘Your writing matters to me, Lowen.’” As soon as I finish that sentence, a meteor shoots across the sky. We both follow it and watch as it streaks across the water, reflecting in the lake. I stare at the lake, framing Jeremy’s head. “When are you going to start on the new dock?” I ask him. He finally finished tearing the old one down completely today. “I’m not building a new dock,” he says, matter-of-fact. “I just got sick of looking at that one.” I would make him expand more on that, but he doesn’t seem to want to. He’s watching me. Even though Jeremy and I have been making eye contact a lot tonight, it feels different in this moment. Heavier. I notice his eyes flicker toward my lips. I want him to kiss me. If he tried, I wouldn’t stop him. I’m not even sure I would feel guilty. He sighs heavily and lets his head roll back in the grass until he’s looking at the stars again. “What are you thinking?” I whisper. “I’m thinking it’s late. And I should probably lock you in your room now.” I laugh at his choice of words. Or maybe I laugh because I’ve had two margaritas. Whatever the reason, my laugh makes him laugh. And what almost became a moment he’d probably end up regretting turns into a moment full of relief. I go to the office to grab the laptop so I can work in the bedroom after he goes to sleep. When he’s turning out the lights in the kitchen, I open the desk drawer and grab a small handful of the manuscript to take to my room with me. I tuck the pages between the laptop and my chest. There’s a new lock on the outside of the bedroom door that I haven’t seen. I don’t want to examine it or figure out if it could somehow be unlocked from the inside, because I’m sure my subconscious would remember that, and I would somehow get past it. Jeremy is behind me as I walk into the room and set my things on the bed. “You have everything you need?” he asks from the doorway. “Yep.” I walk back to the door so I can lock it from the inside after I shut it. “Alright, then. Goodnight.” “Alright,” I repeat with a smile. “Goodnight.” I go to shut the door, but he puts his hand up, stopping me from closing it all the way. I pull it open again, and in the split second since I almost closed it, his expression has changed. “Low,” he says, his voice quiet. He leans his head against the doorframe and looks down at me. “I lied to you.” I try not to look too concerned, but I am. His words rush through me, and I think back to our conversation tonight, the conversations that came before it. “You lied about what?” “Verity never read your book.” I want to take a step back, to mask my disappointment in the darkness. But I stay put, squeezing the doorknob with my left hand. “Why would you say that if it wasn’t true?” He closes his eyes for a brief moment while inhaling. When he opens them, he stands up straight through his exhale. He raises his arms and grips the top of the doorframe. “I’m the one who read your book. And it was good. Phenomenal. Which is why I suggested your name to her editor.” He lowers his head a little, looking me firmly in the eye. “Your writing matters to me, Lowen.” He lowers his arms, grips the doorknob, and closes the door. I hear him latch the lock before his footsteps disappear upstairs. I fall against the door, pressing my forehead against the wood. And I smile, because for the first time in my career, someone outside of my agent has given me validation. I cozy up in the bed with the chapter I brought with me. Jeremy made me feel so good just now, I don’t even mind being a little disturbed by his wife before I fall asleep. |
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