Find the solution to the problems between youth

2. Think about why it’s a problem
Help your child or children describe what’s causing the problem and where it’s coming from. It might help to consider answers to questions like these:

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  Why is this so important to you?
  
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  Why do you need this?
  
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  What do you think might happen?
  
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  What’s upsetting you?
  
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  What’s the worst thing that could happen?
  

Try to listen without arguing or debating. This is your chance to really hear what’s going on with your child. Encourage your child to use statements like ‘I need … I want … I feel …’, and try using these phrases yourself. Try to encourage your child to focus on the issue and keep blame out of this step.
Some conflict is natural and healthy, but too much isn’t a good thing. If you find you’re clashing with your child a lot, you can use conflict management strategies. This can make future conflict less likely, and it’s good for your family relationships too.
3. Brainstorm possible solutions to the problem
Make a list of all the possible ways you and your child could solve the problem. You’re looking for a range of possibilities, both sensible and not so sensible. Try to avoid judging or debating these yet.
If your child has trouble coming up with solutions, start them off with some suggestions of your own. You could set the tone by making a crazy suggestion first – funny or extreme solutions can end up sparking more helpful options. Try to come up with at least 5 possible solutions together.
For example, if your children are arguing about using the Xbox, here are some possible solutions:

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  ‘We buy another Xbox so you don’t have to share.’
  
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  ‘The two of you agree on when you can each use the Xbox.’
  
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  ‘You each have set days for using the Xbox.’
  
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  ‘You each get to use the Xbox for 30 minutes a day.’
  
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  ‘You put away the Xbox until next year.’
  

Write down all your possible solutions.