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It’s Too Hard
Remember, perfectionism has no sense of gray, things are only black or white.
You do it perfectly or you don’t do it at all.
Noble obstacles are why it took me so long to buy a new computer.
For the last year, I’ve had to delete files almost every time I use my laptop.
My start-up disk is full. I’m not entirely sure what that means because usually
when I get that message, my computer is too bogged down to use Google. So I
just start wiping out family photos that are too heavy until Microsoft Word
works again. I believe that “heavy” is the correct technological term. Sorry to go
all supernerd jargon on you.
I have the money to buy a new one, but I’m a little too intimidated to walk
into the Apple store. I don’t know where the register is anymore. Do they have
one still, or do you just buy things directly from registers mounted on the hips of
geniuses? I imagine myself pacing around the brightly lit store, finally yelling at
someone in a solid colored T-shirt, “I would like to buy a computer! This one!”
They’ll say, “Did you make a purchase appointment with our genius bar?” I’ll
say, “I don’t know what any of those words mean. I have the money. Can I give
you the money for the computer?”

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you the money for the computer?”
They’ll say, “Maybe. What are you looking for?” Only I don’t know. A
bigger one. A faster one. “What’s your iTunes password?” they’ll ask, but I
don’t know because I keep creating a new one every time I download an app
because I forget the old one. The genius will say, “Don’t worry, we can look it
up with your blood type, do you know that?” I don’t, I don’t have any of the
information he needs to make this purchase, and I can see in his eyes that they’re
coming out with a new, better model tomorrow. Only he won’t tell me that.
If I ask him when the new model is coming out, he says “never,” but that’s
just code for “the official release date is as soon as you complete your purchase.”
It might feel like today in my bones, but I’m really buying yesterday’s model. I
just know it. Tomorrow they’ll do a press conference and release a thinner model
that smells like cinnamon and has holograms and a “write my whole book
automatically” button.
I’ll bring what I believe is a brand-new computer to a coffee shop and people
will laugh at me like I’ve just hitched a burro outside. That’s if I can get my stuff
transferred properly from the old one to the new one. Which files, programs,
songs, photos, and videos do I want to move? And do I have to make that
decision in the mall near the Orange Julius? I barely know this genius and now
he’s judging the quality of my life over the last three years based on what I’m
transferring. “Don’t see a lot of vacation photos in here. Not many trophies or
award ceremonies either. Are your kids active? Maybe they’re doing something
with their lives.”
I also feel like I’m rolling forward a bad storage system that I started eight
years ago. It’s a giant snowball of files, photos, and screenshots from 2006.
Every five years I just move my junk from one storage unit to a slightly bigger
storage unit. It feels similar to transferring the floating island of garbage in the
Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic. Before I’ve used my new computer once, it’s
already half full of stuff I don’t need.
I talked to an Apple business consultant for a minute, too. Now that I’m a
business I think I’m supposed to shop that way. But I just got my LLC
paperwork done a few weeks ago and I’m afraid when I say, “I’d like to buy a
computer,” they’ll ask me what my LLC number is and I’ll say, “Twelve! Was I
right? Is it twelve? That’s a number.” It won’t be, though, so I’ll freak out,
realizing that based on how lame my jeans are they shouldn’t have even let me
in this store to begin with. I’ll run away, knocking over iPad Pros and
geniuses/photographers/medieval history majors like so many young dominoes. I

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should probably talk to my lawyer who handled the LLC paperwork before I buy
a computer.
I also haven’t updated my OS in eighteen months. I don’t know if I’m Snow
Leopard or Roaring Tiger or Lazy Elephant. I just keep ignoring the “OS X
Updates Available,” hoping that my computer will eventually become sentient
and fix itself but not kill me during the rise of Skynet.
That tangled rat’s nest of complication was a Noble Obstacle for me. I didn’t
want to buy a new computer. I wanted to buy the perfect new computer, so
instead of just hiring an IT guy to guide me through the process for a few hours,
I made the whole experience as complex as possible.
I didn’t want things to get easier, which is unfortunate, because that is
exactly what finishers focus on.