Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done pdfdrive com

Let’s Ask One More Question No One Ever Asks
Here’s a question you’ve never asked yourself:
“What am I getting out of not finishing?”
Because you’re getting something.
If you’ve had a goal for a while or one that you’ve started and routinely quit,
there’s a reason. You’re getting something out of not finishing. There’s a piece
of cheese somewhere in this maze.
A would-be artist on Facebook told me she knows why she’s not finishing.
“If I think I might not succeed, I allow everything to keep me from even
attempting to achieve my goal.”
Do you hear the perfectionism in there? She’s afraid she won’t succeed, that
it won’t be perfect.
This is a classic benefit of not finishing. You get to hold on to the illusion
that you could finish if you really wanted to. Rather than try to find out you
might not be good, you hide in the myth of maybe. That’s why my friend Carly
won’t play her violin for you.
“I’ve had it for three years, and it’s been out of the case twice. I’m terrified
of it. If I begin and realize I won’t be able to succeed, then the dream of playing
the violin someday dies. So it makes so much sense to just leave it in the case
forever, right? Nonsense.”
Deep down she knows what she’s doing because she asked that question.
How about you?
What are some common benefits people receive from not finishing? Here are
three different things that three people who have a hard time finishing told me:

---

1. Control over the outcome.
Because if I try, I might fail. If I never try, I at least know the
outcome.
2. Praise for being a martyr.
If you are “sacrificing” your goals by focusing on other aspects of life
(children, spouse’s goals, other life events, for example), you receive
accolades from others who are impressed by that “selfless” act.
3. Lowered expectations from other people.
If I try to succeed, then the expectations of perfection will be even
higher next time. I’d rather occasionally surprise people with what I can
do rather than build up a reputation of success.
If what you gain by not finishing outweighs what you receive by finishing,
this book will be useless for you.
I once told my wife that I wish I had better friends, and she said, “No you
don’t.”
I asked her what she meant and she replied, “You’re an extrovert with
strangers and an introvert with people you know. You use your travel schedule
as an excuse to hide from relationships.”
You say mean things, Jenny.
She was right. What I gained by avoiding relationships is the safety of
thinking I couldn’t get hurt by other people if I didn’t connect with other people.
That problem sounds exactly like the plot of a Lifetime channel movie.
“Surrounded by people, alone at home, one man’s struggle to accept the risk of
relationship.”
There were certainly times when I had to pause relationships to focus on a
goal, but the longer I held on to what I believed were the benefits of hiding, the
longer I’d fail at accomplishing my goal of having friends.
Perfectionism always offers us a distorted, thin version of the world. My
friendships were “perfect” in that they didn’t hurt, but by never doing the work
of being real with friends, my relationships were fake.
What are you getting out of not finishing?
Be honest with yourself. And if you find something, make the reward or fear
motivation even bigger.
Imagine a seesaw on a playground. If you’ve got a massive, admittedly

---

Imagine a seesaw on a playground. If you’ve got a massive, admittedly
broken, benefit to not finishing on one side, all the hustle on the other side won’t
matter. The thrill of skiing in my own boots instead of rented torture devices was
big enough to overshadow what I got from not finishing my book.
If it wasn’t, I would have added skis and maybe even a trip to Colorado to
the reward. Identify what you’re getting out of not finishing and then tip the
scales in your favor, especially as we get closer to the finish line.