Fluent in 3 Months: How Anyone at Any Age Can Learn to Speak Any Language from Anywhere in the World


Blending in Beyond Spoken Abilities


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Benny Lewis-1

Blending in Beyond Spoken Abilities
Keeping all this in mind, I have found that in Brazil I should swing my arms
behind my back while I walk and try to make physical contact while
speaking (for instance, putting my hand on someone’s shoulder while I talk
to the person, whether male or female). In France, I sit with my legs
crossed, as I have noticed men tend to do that more frequently there. When
in Asian countries, I take someone’s business card or hand out mine or hand
over cash with both hands in a slow and deliberate gesture. In many
countries, when out in a bar and saying the local equivalent of “cheers,” I
maintain eye contact while saying it. I also always check how I use my
arms; too much gesturing in some countries can make people feel like you
are a maniac likely to knock something over, but too little in others can
make you seem stiff and inexpressive.
I can spot Americans instantly, because they tend to smile a bit too
much (in many countries, smiles are not used to break the ice or ease the
tension, like in the States, but only when you are genuinely happy; and as
such, smiles come across as insincere when overused) and because of a
“personal bubble” of distance Americans and English-speaking Canadians
tend to keep between themselves and other people while speaking.
Of course, it’s very easy to point out exceptions to these rules; you can’t
generalize about hundreds of millions of people. But there are certain traits
that each culture is likely to have, and you can find these by observation or
time spent with natives. Keep this in mind and you will more likely have
the people you meet thinking you are a native—at least visually. Even if
you have the most convincing accent in the world, if you are breaking too
many visual rules, it’s very unlikely you will get confused for a native
speaker.


These changes will also ensure the other person is more comfortable
and eager to keep talking to you, because intruding into someone’s personal
space (such as what Westerners may do from an Asian perspective),
keeping at too much of a distance (such as northern Europeans and North
Americans do in Latin countries), wearing “weird” clothes, or having
unexpected facial expressions and body language sends an unspoken
message to that person that you don’t respect him or her in some way. This
can be why a conversation ends abruptly, regardless of your spoken level.
Here are a few things to observe about native speakers (by watching
television or relating in person), especially those who are the same gender
and age as you:
What clothes do they typically wear?
What facial expressions do they have as they speak?
What distance are they from other speakers?
What are they doing with their hands?
How do they handle personal grooming and what hairstyles do they have?
How and how fast do they walk?
What postures do they have when standing or sitting?
How much eye contact do they make?
What other unique features that make them different from you could you
potentially emulate?

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