1. Less can be more
My version is considerably shorter than the original even though it makes all the same points. Sometimes, it can help your writing become more coherent if you concentrate on using fewer words. Likewise, I am not afraid to keep my sentences relatively short. Again, it can be easier to transmit your ideas if your sentences do not become too complicated.
The first step is to identify what one point you want to make in the paragraph and to state it clearly in the first sentence. In this example, the main point is promoting staff because of their performance. Part of the problem with the original version is that most multi-national companies certainly implement some specific policies to select employees for promotion is not particularly clear. The idea of performance only occurs in the 4th/5th line.
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