Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Pdfdrive com

2 · CAVALIER

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Thesis. This is a game played by men who are not under sexual pressure –
occasionally by younger men who have a satisfactory marriage or liaison, more
often by older men who are gracefully resigned to monogamy or celibacy. Upon
encountering a suitable female subject, White takes every opportunity to remark
upon her good qualities, never transgressing the limits appropriate to her station
in life, the immediate social situation and the requirements of good taste. But
within those limits he allows full play to his creativity, enthusiasm and
originality. The object is not to seduce but to exhibit his virtuosity in the art of
effective compliment. The internal social advantage lies in the pleasure given to
the woman by this innocent artistry, and by her responsive appreciation of
White’s skill. In suitable cases, where both are aware of the nature of the game,
it may be stretched with increasing delight on both sides, to the point of
extravagance. A man of the world, of course, will know when to stop, and will
not continue beyond the point at which he ceases to amuse (out of consideration
for her) or where the quality of his offerings begins to deteriorate (out of
consideration for his own pride of craftsmanship). ‘Cavalier’ is played for its
external social advantages in the case of poets, who are as much, or more,
interested in the appreciation of qualified critics and the public at large as they
are in the response of the lady who inspired them.
The Europeans in romance, and the British in poetry, seem always to have
been more adept at this game than the Americans. In our country it has fallen
largely into the hands of the Fruit Stand school of poetry: your eyes are like
avocados, your lips like cucumbers, etc. ‘Cavalier’, Fruit Stand Type, can hardly
compare in elegance with the productions of Herrick and Lovelace, or even with
the cynical but imaginative works of Rochester, Roscommon and Dorset.
Antithesis. It takes some sophistication for the woman to play her part well,
and a great deal of sulkiness or stupidity for her to refuse to play it at all. The
proper complement is a variant of ‘Gee You’re Wonderful Mr Murgatroyd’
(GYWM): namely, ‘I Admire Your Productions, Mr M’. If the woman is
mechanical or unperceptive, she may respond with plain GYWM, but that
misses the point: what White is offering for appreciation is not himself, but his
poetry. The brutal antithesis from a sulky woman is to play Second-Degree
‘Rapo’ (‘Buzz Off, Buster’). Third-Degree ‘Rapo’, which could conceivably
occur, would of course be an unspeakably vile response under the circumstances.
If the woman is merely stupid, she will play First-Degree ‘Rapo’, taking the
compliments to feed her vanity and neglecting to appreciate White’s creative
efforts and abilities. In general, the game is spoiled if the woman treats it as an

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attempt at seduction rather than as a literary exhibition.
Relatives. ‘Cavalier’ being a game, it must be distinguished from the
operations and procedures carried on during a straight-forward courtship, which
are simple transactions without ulterior motive. The female counterpart of
‘Cavalier’ may be conveniently called ‘Blarney’, since it is often played by
gallant Irish ladies in their sunset years.

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